I literally did nothing over this weekend, no one contacted me asking how I was or nothin.. I hang out with the same person all the time and in all honesty I get sick of it. All we do is nothing when we hang out.. I need to find a new crowd to be in..
Even though I didn’t do anything here is a birb (hawk) I drew for my U.S History class. Enjoy.
I don’t find life to be unbearably painful as much as I find it to be completely mentally exhausting. At least when I actually try. In order to accomplish much of anything I usually have to fight myself a lot. I’m always fighting either social phobia, or fear of change, or severe self-doubt, or hypersensitivity, or self-hatred. It’s like I’m dragging around a sixty-pound rock of depression and fear everywhere I go.
On my bad days, I often wonder how much longer I want to keep fighting myself. Another year? A few years? Ten years? And why should I keep fighting myself? Five or ten years ago I […]
I feel very tired. I’ve been trying a lot of things to change , but I think I can’t do it on my own, and well, my “friends” aren’t really talking to me and I don’t know why. And my parents are busy all the time. Nobody I know is there for me. I can’t let that bring me down, but somehow it is.
Hi everyone.
Why is nighttime so much more difficult than during the day? Is it punishment, for powering through and doing your best and suppression and smiling during the day?
I thought I was doing and feeling a bit better, at least; Sunday evening on the way home from the office, I felt like crying, but then I pulled onto the highway and halfway home I felt this strange…euphoria? type of feeling, and I felt like everything was going to be okay! I felt I had finally accepted my lot in life, that I would not make enough to have independence, I would not have an employer […]
I’ve had a long life full of pain. It wears you down. I’ve tried for so long, only to fail over and over. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don’t see the point anymore.
I have been checking out the site for a couple weeks now, so many feeling the same way I do. I have thought about posting a couple times but really didn’t like what I had wrote. Well here goes nothing.
I was an army brat for the first six years of my sorry pathetic life. When I was four years old my father began beating me. He would come home at night and after I would say hi, let the beating begin. This went on for two years. He would whip me with a belt across my back. He would punch me in the face and […]
I didn’t sleep last night. It turns out, I spent the night writing. I don’t remember doing it. But I wrote a lot, and what I wrote somewhat makes sense, but I’m not so sure if it would to others. No one else seems to have my thinking pattern. At least, I think it’s mine. I’m not so sure. Basically, I’m confused as hell this morning. I’m shaking and ill, everything is blurring and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I overdosed. I found chunks of hair in my bed. I remember ‘waking up’ (except i wasn’t. Sort of like waking up from a day […]
Last night I had two films I edited screen to a sold out audience of thousands and receive huge accolades. At the after party there was no shortage of people congratulating me and showering me with praise for my work. It was very fulfilling.
And yet, that night when I went to bed and the first thing I thought of in the morning was “I want to die.”
I can’t live like this anymore. It’s exhausting beyond belief and there really is no joy to be had. I swear, I only really got through the after party because of all the drinks I had. In fact, this […]
I wish I had more energy, but life beats me down relentlessly. I’ve been unable to breathe for the last few weeks. Cold weather really messes with my lungs and turns them into bags of endless mucus and the slightest move I make causes me to hack up a lung… which is really making it 1000x harder to get around, on top of my normal disabilities.
I had to tell a friend of 8 years to fuck off because she really screwed with my feelings. Or,s he showed she doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings. On a Monday she asks me to ask if I can […]
I am…
Tired of being aware
Tired of living with the belief that everyone finds me ugly (even though I am)
Tired of never being positive and frowning
Tired of having no one to talk to
Tired of not having a friend
Tired of never feeling loved by anyone
Tired of watching the people from a distance that I yearn to be friends with
Tired of being me.
I messed up, everything is gone bad. I tried to fix it, and made it worse. I lied for too long. I’m not going to fix it, I can’t try anymore, it doesn’t work. I just want to go.
Everything hurts, being hurts, and I am going to hurt the people I care about. There’s no way out now, but one. I wish I could tell them how sorry I am.
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep. I’ve had barely any sleep this past week. It’s getting bad again. I’ve slept 2 nights (Monday and Wednesday , I think) for about 4/5 hours each night, and the hours weren’t consistent. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, with falling back asleep awful. But despite this sleep deprivation, I need to stay awake. I need to watch in the night for them. They’re in my room constantly. Watching me. I need to stay awake so they don’t get me. The only time I can sleep is when they’re not there – which […]
How do you live if you go through life as a zombie? When all you wanna do is sleep, but when you lie down, you can’t? -_-‘
How do you get anything done when you’re always so tired??
I haven’t slept well since…2009… >.<
I am a student, and older than my other classmates it makes me feel so much inferior that sometimes i dont like to go to classes, and secondly i look older than my age that is an issue too. one of our teacher calls us daily at the podium and asks us to discuss that is highly embarrassing for me facing daily cause my english is not good. a lot of things i have to face daily in class, sometimes i feel to end my life. not able to find any way out. i have backlogs that i have to clear in near future, there […]
As the days go by, I only feel myself desiring to kill myself more and more. I loathe more, I argue more, I withdraw more. When things go wrong, its the only thought I have. When things go right, I remind myself that it wont last. I hate feeling like no matter what improvements I make, I’m still put down, I’m still living off others, I’m still worthless. When I try, I just find myself exhausted. All that ever brings me relief is to sleep and I think that’s only because its the closest thing I can do to death without actually killing myself. I […]
I’m breaking. I’ve reached breaking point.
If I don’t talk to anyone about this, I will lose this battle. But I’m scared. I’m so scared to talk to anyone in my family. As much as they understand what I’m going through since they are going through the same thing, I doubt they do. (Not sure if that makes sense.) They will just tell me to tough it out like they always do.
Well… I’m so tired of being tough. I’m tired of having to pretend I am strong. I am so weak right now, I can hardly put up a fake smile. I can barely get […]
I am going to kill myself at the end of the week. I have an unpleasant meeting mid-week and I want to give it a day of buffer on either side. I’m not killing myself because of this stupid meeting, and don’t want it to look that way. I *could* leave a note, but justifying my suicide would do more harm than good, and leaving a listing things that *weren’t* a factor would be confusing.
I’m sick of dragging myself through life. I’m in my late twenties and have been suicidal since my early teens. Why I didn’t do it sooner is beyond me. That would […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Dear whom,
Why is it so tiring? Why? I am abjectly sick of living in this world.
My head is consumed with suicidal thoughts. It screams into my ears, screaming for me to throw my body over a bridge, stab myself with a knife, or hang myself. These thoughts are like a sound, a piercing sound, a frequency that I can only hear. It won’t stop unless my depression can disappear. It is booming into my ears. It is so intense! I can’t stand it. So very tired…
I experience so much agony from this tiredness that befallen on me. I am exhausted to the bones. Unfortunately, this […]
I’m just physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted almost 24/7. I barely have any motivation to do anything, not even to move around. It’s getting worse and worse, and I’m falling so fast it’s scary. It’s a struggle to get through each day. I don’t know what to do. I’m in therapy, I have resources, I have support, but…? I don’t know, it doesn’t help. Even now, typing this, my eyes hurt so much and I know I need to sleep but I’m too sad to move. There’s also the problem where I’m paranoid that there’s something watching me when I’m in my room at night […]
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