I can’t stand it anymore. Despite the fact I had a miscarriage and I feel lonely and suicidal, my parents are pushing me over the edge. I’m forced to live with my mom which gets angry at everything and she doesn’t let me do anything even though I’m almost twenty. She locks me in her house which makes me more depressed. I feel trapped, I don’t have freedom, I don’t have anything. My dad calls me fat and is trying to force me to go to the gym while I still can’t get over my miscarriage and don’t want to lose my bump. It reminds me […]
Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.
I’ve struggled with it for so long. I thought that loneliness was something I had to protect myself from. I spent so much time putting up walls that I didn’t realize it was coming from in me. It wasn’t seeping its way into me, because at my core and my karmic debt, I am loneliness. I don’t deserve to have people who cherish me.
I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough. I can’t save people. What good is someone like that? I keep trying though. I find people who need someone. Someone to fill that place that sits somewhere behind their heart. They only need me […]
I am now in college. It has been 3 years since I’ve lost my dad. Its been a hard three years. I am trying so hard to make it in this adult world. I never knew I would be this stressed out. I have been finding so many grey hairs. I am only eighteen. This is crazy. Sometimes I want to give up. There are so many days when I can’t find a way out of my bed to get to class. Last semester I did horrible. I lost my $9,000.00 scholarship. It broke my heart. I don’t know where I’m going to school next […]
Hello SP –
Looking for your help with a small project.
I need to know about any confirmed departed fellow members you can share.
I am putting together a tribute video (or trying to at this point) and would greatly appreciate your kind assistance.
Their member name is enough. I’ll search the site for their posts and quote highlights from their words.
Thank You!
HERE4UOK
I should never have been born. No one deserves to have to put up with me. I ruin everything and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t wait to be able to die; I’ll ruin more things but at least then I won’t have to be aware of it anymore.
The worst feeling in the world is to hear the person you love most trying not to cry and knowing it’s your fault. I wish dearly I’d never been born and I think soon I’ll fix that error.
I’m trying to slit my wrists right now, it’s just so painful, I don’t know how I’m going to go deep enough to bleed out. I’m really scared though.
My net is on the fritz….nothing new. I hope this one makes it through been trying for the last hour.
For you…you know what I am thinking…
I really hate myself I hate my self image in 2012 I was 14 stone for my high I was fat I’m 5 ft 5 so I lost all when down to 10 stone from being depressed and not eating now I can’t stop eating again and im puting it back on slowly I’m depressed already and that’s depressing me more see I keep trying to fill that fucking void inside now I’m filling it with food for fuck sake why what is that void it’s always been there I don’t no what it is but I no I need to make sure it’s filled […]
Is it fair that I blame my mom for what happened? I mean after all, she does have 4 child and she needed to work, right? She needed to be out, RIGHT? But what about me? Was it my fault for wearing such short skirts and shorts? Is it possible that I actually provoked him? What if I had trusted someone? If maybe I hadn’t been so damn scared, then maybe, just maybe Mom would love me, right? Stupid hope. She’s always trying to get in and then karma -like the ***** she is- comes around and destroys it. Of course Mom would never love […]
Well after calling and waiting for a call back and calling and waiting for a call back and so on and so forth since fucking December, I tried calling the admissions office again today and still nobody picked up. Albeit I called around lunch but when else am I supposed to call? I rarely have any fucking time. Of course I tell my father about this and all he has to say is “I don’t think they want to talk to you anymore. You kinda let that ship sail.” when they haven’t TALKED to me ONCE since I got the application, and I haven’t heard […]
At this point I’m trying to find a way of telling my mum I want to leave I can’t take it no more I guess I found the love of my life and I sabotaged the relationship by cheating on her I didn’t want my kids to come from a broken home now they have iv become everything I feared why do men cheat ? Why do we get tempted so easily? just the thought of her loving someone else is killing me let alone another person raising my kids the emotional pain is far worst then the psychical pain love really dose hurt I’m […]
I guess I’m just trying to wind up the courage to try again had enough of this bull shit anyways being depressed anxious ain’t left the house in days struggle to get out of bed this isn’t life for a 26 year old I would rather be dead I no people have worst lives then I do but iv just mad a mess of things that can’t be fixed and the loneliness is to much to bare anymore hope I get the courage soon
I’ve posted these songs before on this site under a different name, but I’m going to try to stick to this username, so I thought I’d post them under my real name. Here’s a link to some instrumental/spoken word songs I created and recorded. Nothing special. Just trying to give you all an idea of who I am beyond my depression and all. Also, that’s my real name and face, so use that information kindly, would you? I don’t want the things I say or share to go beyond this site if you don’t mind.
we are very much like our friends in the wild; the world we live in is a survival of the fittest. But to this I say, let the fittest survive! Survival is overrated. We’re alive; we die. How long we survive for is of little significance. Our true significance lies not in the endless comparing of ourselves to one another, trying to see who is the fittest, using scales of evaluation and meaning that differ in the heart and mind of every individual; no – it lies in our deeds alone with the time we have.
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]
Every day I have to tell myself that today is the day that I’m going to turn it all around. I say that I’m going to win all the battles of my day, I’m going to make all the right decisions instead of panicking in every other moment and getting trapped in a shell of anxiety and worthlessness.
The situation would be bearable if I was making progress or winning. But I’m losing. Life is kicking my ass and I just want to call quits. I’ve been trying for long enough. If I was meant to make it and be normal I wouldn’t be in this […]
Life’s serving me a big ole shit sandwich. I’m trying to focus on your advice HDS. Trying to keep myself pumped up. Getting sick of life tea-bagging me. Trying to rise above, take the advice, follow my own advice.
https://youtu.be/qIUXaAuJjVo
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.