I hate this fat unlovable unattractive unnecessary pimple filled lonely face. I hate being constantly reminded of my romantic/sexual irrelevance to women. Im tired of working out and eating better just to pig out and ruin it. Im tired of being ugly. The moments that give me peace are the moments where my chest/heart go funny. I know its just the caffeine and bronkaid effecting me. I wish I could just die. I’m tired of being poor irrelevant lonely fat and depressed. Im tired of it it makes me sick. Sick of living sick of everything. No one will ever want me. I try to […]
Tag:
wish
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Sometimes when I close my eyes
I can hear a demon telling me lies
I know his words are not true
His words are only lies about you
Before he finishes what he wants to say
I ignore and order him to go away
He laughs and says his goodbyes
But I know those are also lies
No matter how many lies he weaves
I ignore them until he leaves
But one day I heard the closing of a door
Since then I could not hear him anymore
Finally the demon has given up
Finally the demon’s lies has stopped
But where and why did he go
That’s an answer I do wish to know
I do not see any reason […]
I am looking for a place I cannot be found
The trouble is I cannot find that place myself
I hear all the voices telling me it will be okay
It never is okay there is only one way
That peaceful place is eternal sleep
Why can I not have one one wish
Just leave me alone and let me rot
Give me peace please I beg you
You are always there in my mind
Can you not just stop and leave me
You cause me pain all day and night
I sometimes wish to die even though I’m not depressed. I don’t want to sound psychopathic, but I guess I like the word death. I want to get away with this world. I hate myself. I’m fat, stupid, insane, selfish… I don’t actually know my real personality. It changes every time I feel different, or when the place changes. Please, don’t hate on me or something… This is my first post and my only place I can be me, maybe. I hope I can find my real self one day.
I can’t stand it anymore. Despite the fact I had a miscarriage and I feel lonely and suicidal, my parents are pushing me over the edge. I’m forced to live with my mom which gets angry at everything and she doesn’t let me do anything even though I’m almost twenty. She locks me in her house which makes me more depressed. I feel trapped, I don’t have freedom, I don’t have anything. My dad calls me fat and is trying to force me to go to the gym while I still can’t get over my miscarriage and don’t want to lose my bump. It reminds me […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
‘ What is it then?’ It is the only way a powerless person can find to make everybody else look away from his shame. The wish is not to die, but to hide.
“death
deTH/
noun
…the end of the life of a person or organism. “
I feel there’s a minor difference between being dead and not being alive.
In truth, nobody wants to die; to face death; to end our lives.
In broader terms, I just think we don’t want to live life; to be alive. But its still not death we wish for.
In clearer terms, we solely wish to not experience living. None of us want to experience death either.
Think of it as getting the opportunity to merely watch our lives on TV. We’ll witness, but we wish not to experience. We’ll hear, but we wish not to listen. We’ll see, but we […]
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The way my life has turned out makes everyday a battle for me. It’s not one of those stories where I have a recognized disability and with effort I am overcoming it while people are proud. Technically I should be a fully functional human being.
I suffer from the most basic aspects of life. I can’t make simple decisions or do simple things. A trip to the grocery store is even something hard, which I avoid and end up screwing it up.
One could wonder how can you screw that up. I get confused and trapped by numbing thoughts and then I resort to negative self defeating […]
Finally had enough of this bullshit. I got my phone and about twenty cents on me. Wish me luck.
Ghosts in the photograph
never lie’d to me.
I’d be all of that
I’d be all of that.
A false memory
would be everything.
A denial my eliminent.
What was that for?
What was that for?
What would you do
if you saw spaceships
over Glasgow?
Would you fear them?
Every aircraft,
every camera,
is a wish that
wasn’t granted.
What was that for?
What was that for?
Try to be bad.
Try to be bad.?
Maogwai.
If you could only wish for one of those three, which would you choose and why?
The one aspect that truly defeats me further when I’m already down is inability to connect and converse with people. It’s just not about having a basic conversation, it’s about fluid connection, something that comes very natural to so many people and yet I’m so terrible at it.
Sorry in advance for the following pessimistic outlook.
Even on this site I notice that people form friendships and root for each other, meanwhile I’m just ending up being a lurker feeling like I’m more fucked up than anyone else. I’m unable to add a proper comment, all I can do is write something very generic or explain something that I […]
day after day, i wish i could be dead. I wish I could just disappear. Everytime I walk, move, talk you name it. I know everybody else hates me. So I’m just realising more and more that I really don’t have a reason to ‘ve Alive. I tried to wait it out. But I just can’t anymore. It won’t get better. It’s the same shit everyday. Go to school. Pretend. Be ignored. Home. Everyday Mon – Fri. I’m realising that no one even cares, and the progression why I am still here is because I’m too fucking scared to end it. My stress levels have […]
I’m actually feeling good about my job interview tomorrow . I have one at top golf . It just opened in my city . And it’s a group interview . You play games with people and have fun so it’s not even like a real interview .
I just get nervous . I feel like if I get this job then I will feel like I have something to do . It will take my mind off things .
So wish me luck tomorow … It’s gonna be a nerve wrecking day . I also have to present my research paper in class .. That’s […]
Today is bad. No thoughts. I am sad, unable to find out the reason.
Just a moment before I started writing this post, I was thinking about the past when I felt a connection with her for the very first time. It was summer of 2007.
June 2007. 🙂 well I felt little good now. 🙂
I miss our first chats. It was deleted accidentally.(phone updation)
And rest messages were deleted by myself when I was this close to end my life.
I deleted our all conversations.
I deleted my whole notes(kinda journal). (It contained more than 2500 pages. Those pages had so much good memory.
Today I […]
This my first time on this site. I was able to have the opportunity to read many of other’s post in despair as well as others post of acknowledgement and support. I don’t wish anyone the sadness, loneliness, hopeless, and most of all worthlessness that comes with Depression or with any other mental illness for that matter. It is sad, but comforting to know there are others out there who feel the same way I do, and from all different background and stories. I have struggled with Depression since I was a teenager and now I am in my late 20’s and it […]
Do I want to die? 99.99% of me says yes. It is only me that can answer why and I am aware that It, the reason why, is all in my head.
I don’t know how to explain, the best that I can come up with is that I have awoken from a dreamworld that I’ve lived in for most of my life. I am not in any way, shape, or form lying or being misleading when I say that I grew up in isolation. I internalized just about everything. From the isolation, there wasn’t anyone who wanted to get close to me–no aunts […]