Ok so I’m in high school just so you know. But me and my ex we’re together for about 4 months and that may not seem long but during that time he help me through not committing and to eat again and worked me out a depression. My mom also is not the best sometimes she has done and said things that hurts. So he also help me with her and learn to love her but keep her at a distance. When high school started our coach quit on us after being our coach for years and we were expected to teach our self’s work for the color guard team, and on top of that stuff with my mom started up at home again, and I was just overwhelmed so instead of talking to him about it I made the rash decision to break up with him and told my friends “I broke up with him because…” but never told them the real reason. Once I did though I started to fall back into my depression and anxiety. Which lead me to cutting,other activities that are not very legal,skip meals, ect. Basically go back to the way it was before this. But worse this time cause of a heartbreak. I was a straight A student now I’m mainly Bs and some Fs which cause my parents to say I’m not trying and I’m a failure. Honestly I believe them. And I’m starting to have the mindset of I don’t deserve anybody good for me and I’m not good enough for anybody anyway. Me and my ex were talking the other day and I told him that he said “bulls*** you matter so much to people and you need to believe that”. We talked for about 3 hours then the conversation took a turn where he was saying he wanted to be fwb (mind you it’s 12am) and other things like that. Today we talked for about 2 hours before I had to leave the call. Then this afternoon when I got back on he told me he had a girlfriend/boyfriend and when he asked me why I was upset I told him nothing but he persisted so I told him it was because of him saying those things last night but getting a SO the next day and he apologized saying he didn’t want to make me sad or cause drama and he was so sorry. I told him it was fine but I won’t be talking to him while he’s in that relationship because I won’t be that ex. He said he didn’t like that but ok. I just feel like it dosent really matter anymore what I do anymore and I should just give up because he won’t care and I won’t be baggage for my family and friends anymore. Can anyone give me advice on how to maybe climb out of this hole and what to do with my ex (btw he also told me he still loves me just in a more deep love of my life way and not a in love way, and I’m still both with him)
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2 comments
the first thing I’ll say is that getting your value from a romantic attachment is setting yourself up for disaster going forward. It’s something plenty of people do without knowing it, it’s just so damaging for mental health I have to start there.
At some point you had a healthy relationship, and things took a downward turn right after it ended. These are not necessarily connected. You could just be going through a lousy time, and you hoped that he might provide some relief. It didn’t work out that way.
Take a step back from that. What do you want? Do you personally want academic success, or is that something you’re doing for your parents? Do you have goals? Are those goals realistic?
Bad days happen, sometimes they stretch into weeks or longer. Sometimes the best you can make of it is the best it’s going to be.
Yes, you can pull yourself out of this hole. The first step is deciding you want out, then deciding something to go after. It doesn’t have to be something that matters to anyone else.
A lot of the same things happened to me so i can relate. It sounds like you really need something solid right now. Your parents aren’t helping, your coach abandoned you, your ex has moved on, you’re left drowning by yourself.
In my case i said screw everybody and became a loner but thats the wrong choice and im paying for it now. If i were you or if i could do it over i would try to keep at least 1 good friend who made me feel better about myself because some of us dont have a natural self worth. Sounds like your ex was that person but i agree its shabby to keep in touch w him when he has a new relationship. And his fwb suggestion was downright creepy considering he’s with someone else. You did the right thing by cutting him off as soon as you found out he was hiding a new relationship.
But i think you really need someone solid to keep you from drowning, do you have any non-romantic friends who understand you? Now would be the time to keep those ppl close by. I pushed everyone away and thats when everything really fell apart with SH, ED, addictions, you know the routine because it sounds like its happening to you unfortunately