I just took 15mg of melatonin. I’m not trying to die. I’m not stupid. I’m just trying to sleep away the pain for a little bit. Good night everyone 🙂
Abandoned
hahaha so i have noooo idea what to do with him. we can go back to my other post for a minute about him having a gf and how im not the happiest about it but ill accept it. ok that mentioned lets go into a few other things.
first about the gf but a different problem. like i said ill accept him having a gf but this problem is a bit harder to accept especially since hes already showing signs of it and he doesnt even have one yet. i have abandonment issues. he knows this. he also knows i lost my last bff […]
so i have this cute urn picked out but i want something engraved on it. i found something i kinda like but im not religious. maybe someone knows how to reword it because im stumped.
God saw you getting tired, when a cure was not to be. So he wrapped his arms around you and he whispered “come to me”. you didnt deserve what you went through, so he gave you needed rest. gods garden must be beautiful, he only takes the best.
also theres the added problem of i get 3 lines
26 characters
26 characters
15 characters
so if you could maybe help out that would […]
Am I in an abusive relationship or is it just me? I don’t know anything anymore. My dissociation has me so far out of it if I wasn’t smarter I’d swear everything is fake. That I’m not actually here. That what I see as life isn’t real. Idk. Part of me hopes it’s just me but idk. All I know for sure is that I’m becoming more and more suicidal again.
i told my friend that i hope he finds someone. i know he doesnt like being alone. but i dont want to lose him. i have trust issues and abandonment issues. i dont trust anyone. but i trust him. im probably being selfish…..
i was literally going crazy. my brain wouldnt shut up and i couldnt wait a month to see my doctor again. i made an appointment with my family doctor but thats not for a week. 2 days ago i stopped it myself and have emotionally felt better since. i hid what was happening for about a month. i didnt tell anyone not even my husband that i was going mentally insane. i decided the next time im put on medication ill have to start sharing my thoughts more. not so much what they are but what they are doing. to sit there and watch yourself […]
i told him i was painting so i couldnt answer. i lied. i was going to hangout with my cousin and try a new drug. my cousin got into a car accident and we ended up not doing it. hes fine no one was even scratched. but it happened. i told him i wouldnt throw anything. that i would calm down. i ended up throwing something then cutting myself deeper then i think ive ever cut before. everything is getting worse. my drinking. my drug use. im sneaking behind peoples backs. i never lied to my friend before and not it seems thats all i […]
half of me fights with everything it has to destroy me. it drinks. and does drugs. it lets my disorders eat me alive.
half of me fights with everything it has to get better. to stop drinking. to stop smoking up. to heal my disorders.
i wonder who will win in the end
im hanging out with my cousin tomorrow. this is the first time ive ever hung out with him. i was too young before and then we stopped talking for a while. im going to be trying shatter for the first time. not only that but he sent me a couple messages im not sure what to think about. hes not actually my cousin. we were both married into the family through our mothers but still. im a little bit worried about going tomorrow. being alone. my husband having no idea what im doing. what if my gut is right and its a bad idea. i […]
whens it needed?
currently im not high or drunk but once i decided i want it i get it. ive tried to not but i want it so fucking bad. to just leave this world temporarily. ive gone as far as hiding it from my husband so he doesnt know.
ill be honest im not even sure why im posting this. i wont go until im forced to. but others opinion on when it becomes an addiction is nice i guess
speaking of which i need more. i only have a shot of whiskey left which im about to drink thankfully tomorrows payday
i made a post about some of my worse problems and didnt exactly get the response i was hoping for although i thank rainwatch for answering and talking to me. but now i have something else.
am i the only one that feels hatred?
you all talk about oh they have done this to me that and the other thing but it seems im the only one that feels anger towards the ones that made me like this. overall im an extremely nice person. unless im wronged. and my enemies should be scared. they have wronged me. they have left me alone and broken to […]
ive finally decided that its best for my friend to continue life without me. at least until i can be the person he wants me to be. if that ever happens which i highly doubt. not without rehab. i tried to put it all down but i was doing it all again 2 days later. he just doesnt know yet. im everything he hates….its better this way.
i can just see it, hehehe. he works at the rehab here and one day after god knows how long ill magically show up. one look at me and he will know everything. he’ll know i left because im […]
you read about it. but when you actually go through it….thats something completely different. the visual hallucinations. the borderline personality disorder. the depersonalization-derealization disorder. its all….i dont have any words for it. and maybe im missing something but no one else here talks about it. its all depression and anxiety. am i that broken? should i just die? am i that far gone that i cant be saved?
he said my disorders control me. he said all i do is grab a bottle or joint. and hes right. but thats not what hurts the most. what hurts is that he doesnt think i can change because its difficult…..i want that drink so bad though. no i have to prove him wrong. ill cope, some how. ill find a way, i can do it.
i have stopped taking my medication. ive started drinking more and more. im in the middle of breaking up with my husband. im not in the mood to talk to anyone today. i actually found it kind of funny earlier. i was thinking i dont use facebook. this is my facebook. a suicide site. this is where i post about my life. where i talk to my friends…….what has my life become? and yet it all feels distant to me. like im reading a book or watching a movie. like this isnt really my life.
lets just say he hurt me in a bad way. id rather not go into it. i havent talked to him in almost 5 years. why do i occasionally think i should message him?
https://youtu.be/6_V0vB_oU0A
I wish everything is alright if only for the night, I forgot what it feels like to be normal 🙁
i cant handle the hallucinations anymore. they are lifelike now. they physically touch me now. they want me dead. they have this look in their eyes. they are going to kill me. i just cant do it anymore. i dont even know how to deal with it. where to start. i dont know who to ask for help. iv done research and research. the doctors know nothing. theyve been studying this since the 17th century and still know nothing. they know a bit about auditory but mine are visual. i just cant do it anymore!