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I don’t like this.  I started being way too much confidence, and way open. It is really good but when the sun goes down, at night,  I find myself feeling like…  traumatic or some sort of stress and depression.

As if I don’t want to talk or to be friends with anyone. As if I want quiet because that’s how I can function.

Maybe it’s just that few females have pretty much ignored my interests in them (which followed their interests in me before!)

actually I barely find connection between both.

I just feel like Im extremely depressed and that I’m fully “naked”   when I’m acting friendly. I […]

I was never the suicidal type, or self harming.
I used to deal with my problems with counting time, and planning on to pass it somehow, just as if I’ll find a way to pass it on, it will and must to – have an end. And this method dates back to when I was only 4 years old.
I never felt quite fit to socialize with others, I always felt different urges. I was more aggressive, but kept it to myself. I was always more sensible and could notice others’ intentions.

And I still am.   Back in my first years on this earth, I only […]

Since last year,  I really feel like I have friends in this site. Who knows my story and read my words.

Therefor I’m going to bring here a different subject. It is not related to suicide.

There is the girl in my university which is incredibly beautiful and cute.  She is new to my country and I want to start with her (hit on her).

I would love to hear advices from all of you about what should I take in care before.  as if to “be more relaxed, talk slowly, keep your back straightened and smile”

I know it must be funny for you or maybe annoying to […]

I remember myself as a young kid, around 3-4 y. o.

Enjoying the days, seeing though life, and loving each moment.

I used to love researching bugs and examining the whole town I lived in.

That passion have stayed with me untill around age 11…

Now I’m 21, and right now, at this moment,  I feel so null.

I don’t feel actually, anything.  I can’t explain it but…. It’s like I’m  lacking the ability to feel.

I’m not using medication or drugs to deal with my problems.   I think my body has always had its own ways of keeping me (relatively)  sane.

I’m feeling like good to go on my plan.

At […]

Hey, good morning.

Today I sat in the Uni’s “shrink” ‘s office. Spoke to him for about 40 minutes of how bad things are going….

I really believed I could have made it, I really wanted to get so better, but it is just didn’t happen.

I find it quite depressing. As for each time I fail, I have to cope with it and go through all of the stages of mourning.

I have let myself down this month, my body helped alot in this crysis to. My abdominal pain is greater, and each day I feel more and more weak – like I’m shutting down.

I talk to myself […]

there is that girl who likes me.

She is fine, I guess.

But I’m not planning any relationship soon, especially with my life being controlled by my parent.

I wanted to know, do you think I should as her out for some kind of meeting and from there to go where ever it takes (no commitment whatsoever)?

I can’t have a relationship right now because I’ve a lot of problems.

I like to think it is temporary, and well,  yeah, I’m just 21. But I also think that if it will keep on going, 30 will be my highest age alive.  (you can say I’m blessed with durability).

I understood that […]

I’m amazed by how fucked people get by growing to an abusing parents. Some of them become abusing themselves.

They don’t see through the eyes of the victims, but see and act by the eyes of their abuser.

I want to tribute this post to my mindfckedcrazy mom, and to my sissypissofshit father.

Calling me & messaging me that I’ll fail the test because I didn’t study enough, doesn’t help much.

even worse –  messaging me for 20-40 minutes in total per day, saying  how I’m not studying enough and not planning my time right –  that is just fucked up shit.

Don’t they see it is not helpful?

to be […]

thanks to a comment here, I just understood that I shifted hate from many aspects of my life into two personas.

Sometimes “not giving a fuck”  is the best thing to do. I was angry on many things, and was too focused on my anger more than on realization.

Thanks to a comment here, I managed to focus and let go of the anger.

She is now out of my mind, for good.  she is a person who has their own life,  we had a good past together and that is all I should remember. Remember, but not miss.

Always know that honesty is important for friendship.

I haven’t posted here in a while.  This community used to be a shoulder to put my head on. So many experienced persons and great empathy that it’s pleasure to contact.

I went through tough times, friends stopped talking with me,  couldn’t do anything else beside working or studying.. I struggled with taking on my shoulder a depressed family member.

And even then. And even then you guys helped me up.

Today I’m getting ready to choose a goal for the following 6 to 8 months. I wanna set some wishes on the unwritten white sheet and keep my tracks for them.

I have been hopeless,  sad, poor and […]