I like the feeling of it running across my skin.
I like the deep rich color.
I like the scars that it leaves behind, the look, the feel.
I like the stains it leaves.
I like the pain it brings.
I like everything about it.
But I hate myself because of everything I do to see it
Category:
Chronic Pain
I’m so happy.
Not about my life, nor that I found reasons to live longer now.
I’m just so happy and so proud about most of you.
I was so afraid sometimes that I wouldn’t find anyone among the commoners that think like me. I didn’t meet anyone, among 1 thousand people I might have met in my life until now, among friends, friends of friends, dating apps/websites, co-students, forums, … that actually thought like me or at least understand my suffering and how lonely I feel. How deeps is the abyss of my soul. Which result by having to fight every day, at least […]
I lost my youth.
I’m older now, while time eats away my energy soon it will consume my fate.
Life doesn’t teach anything. Only death speaks truth. Brings emotion that’s beyond life itself. I envy the dead. There is no righteousness or reason to abide by morals in this common Society.
Dont do this/dont say that, right and wrong, good and bad.
Let’s not censor the barbaric nature of humanity for it is, who we are. Always have always will. The only way to get you’re point across is to be violent.
Yet words can be just as dangerous, sadly it cant defend you […]
Yes EVERYONE. Including YOU. I don’t wanna hear “I don’t hate you” or “I don’t even know you” cause it’s all bs. I know you enjoy watching me suffer on the TV. Don’t think I haven’t caught on that my life is a TV show where whoever is running my show pushes to make me as miserable as possible, sometimes beyond the point of suicide. But of course I survive because if I died, you’d have nothing to watch.
Are you enjoying watching me suffer? Does the mere thought of everything that’s happened in my life turn you on? Obviously it does cause I’m still suffering. […]
I’m just bored. You know?
I knows it sounds stupid, “I want to kill myself because I am bored.”
I also know it is always more to it than that. I have a 4 year degree in psychology.
I want to get my masters, but I have to pay off the state from my previous failed attempt at a Master’s before they will release my transcript and allow me to try again. One of thousands of dollars I owe people.
That’s the thing. I fail at everything. Well, not really. I don’t fail…I quit. I am a quitter.
I just can’t do things. I can’t stick with things. Either chronic […]
Last year at this time, I remember thinking there was no way I could get through the holiday season alone. Yet, here I am again, still with no home, unable to work even if I could find a job. I am over 4k miles from the only friend and support I have.
Every time we video chat, I am torn between closing my eyes to pretend we are close and watching his face every second I am able to. The sound of his voice is the only thing sustaining me right now. Well, that and the false hope that we will ever be together again.
Some days […]
I need to tell someone this. I’ve been planning this for a year or so now, and since then I’ve kept it to myself the entire time. For an entire year, I’ve lied to my family, to my friends, and even to my therapist about my intentions. It’s entirely necessary, but I feel as though I’m going to go insane if I continue to just hide this form the rest of the world.
I’ve given myself a deadline of age 35. I’m going to kill myself at the evening before my 36th birthday.
I’ve been debating the morality of me leaving versus the morality of me staying. […]
to say i’m stressed would be an understatement.
these days have been so hectic, i feel like i can’t keep up with everything, but everyone is constantly telling me to keep up, to cheer up, to calm down, to just stop feeling stressed. mental health has been a mess lately, and today is just not working for me. sometimes i wish i caught a cold so i could rest in bed, but then i remember that even if i’m too ill to get out of bed, i’ll still have to do everything.
the problem isn’t having stuff to do, the problem is having to do […]
Unfortunately, my life was never in the worst.
There was always someone more unfortunate than me. I used this reasoning to shame myself on not being happy. I was mentally and physically abused my brother for 5 years. And my parents closed their eyes and ears when I asked for help. My sister made fun of me for being abused. He chocked me punched me when something was wrong. When no one else is home he kicked me out of the house and did not let me in. I started to have depression and panic attack. My parents told me that kids can’t have that and […]
I’m just so tired of crying myself to sleep and expecting a better tomorrow when i know i’m just repeating myself and everyday over and over again…I’m tired of everything…I just want to kill myself 🙁
Living really takes it out of me. Just breathing, surviving another day. It requires so much effort.
Being alive is honestly the last thing that I want. I absolutely hate myself. I hate this world too. I can’t look at myself in the mirror, and I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t have any talents and I am not attending school at the moment because I don’t have the energy (to deal with people’s shit and I don’t see the point in doing work because I am unable to take that work further due to my lack of skill and talent). I practise the […]
It was weird seeing things I wrote 4 years ago. In so many ways, I have come a long way. In so many ways, I have stayed the same.
So I was V.C.333 when I was here before. I have no idea what that name means, or where I got it from. I just went back to the time I was around here before and found the posts.
Things are not as bleak and hopeless as they seemed then. I was on a lot of medication then for fibromyalgia and neuropathy. I went to a new doctor, and she said that before she would see me, I […]
The coin expressed that the time for waiting is over. I have not decided whether I will die today, but regardless a sign of the end finally arrived; I find that to be slightly more comforting than the thought alone of bleeding out. At least Hell won’t await me on the other side: I will finally be leaving it. I just hope a worse Hell doesn’t await me beyond this one. As for the rest of you, I hate all of you honestly; I really don’t want anybody to reply to this, and I hope it is deleted alongside this worthless throwaway account: This website itself is […]
I’ve been watching a lot of videos about the movie Us. It’s been out for a year or so, so I don’t think I need to explain the premise. But without giving too much away, it’s about this family that is stalked by their doppelgangers, known as the tethered. It’s actually a cool premise, and I’d recommend watching it if you haven’t already. That said, I feel like my suicidal tendencies have ruined this movie for me.
For the longest time I’ve wished for someone to take my place. I realize my family would be devastated if I ever decided to off myself. I can’t even […]
I’m shackled to it. I find it cruel.
I’m bound to every breath I take; it’s pain. How do I make it stop?
The walls are closing in, and if I am to deal with this alone, there is only one way out for me.
Alone?
I challenge, I dare, anyone to tell me differently. I have been begging for help for months— No, my whole life?
Cherished people I’ve loved are dead. People I once called friends, are gone. My despairing, tormented existence was too much to tolerate. It is easier for them to deny the problem exists (that I exist), than to offer their hand to me […]
TL;DR I’m convinced that I have COPD and I don’t want to keep living like this at the expense of my loved ones.
So I am absolutely convinced that I have chronic Bronchitis, even though I’m only 18. I should also mention that I am a male. Skip the next 2 paragraphs if you don’t want to know why I think think this.
My dad, a chronic smoker, died right about a month (september 2017) after I turned 16. I lived with him from 2008-to 2011. During that time, I was constantly exposed to second hand smoke. Although he wasn’t exactly the best parent, his passing still […]
Everything I try doesn’t give me any meaningful happiness.
A friend gave me a wrist band that said “do what makes you happy.”
All I want to do is die.
sleepless nights
3:00 am feels so damn empty
i wonder how she feels
while you fill her silence
the way you did for me
that girl in england
what did i do wrong
that she’s doing so right
Who am I?
currently in the bathroom, holding the razor in my hand trying not to cut, i’m eighty-something days clean and i can’t do it anymore. i’m not who i am anymore, i don’t even know myself anymore. it hurs, it really does, the pain i cause myself is more painful than the pain this razor causes. i’m. a. monster. and i can’t help but think of it every single day, think of how much i’ve changed and how much everyone i know hates it, hates ME, hates who i became. i want the old me back, please. i’ll do anything, but please don’t let […]
Hi, I’m new here. I’ve been reading the post and all of you are so brave, I don’t even think I’ll post this on here. And I am sorry for the cursing, if I don’t remember to fix them, I am just too overwhelmed today, and I just want to die now! I fucked up, I truly fucked up, and all of you would tell me that it’s okay, but I don’t think it is okay. I messed up very badly. I have something wrong with me, I can feel it in my bones, and in my mind. I have something wrong with me. I […]