I just turned 29. I’ve accomplished nothing with my life. Because I’m a useless piece of shit. I have Borderline PD. I just got diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I have PTSD due to an abusive mother who never loved me. I am facing imminent homelessness. no job, no where to go. Will probably die on the streets this winter. I have a friend who is also facing homelessness. I love him dearly, but I feel like I can’t help him and that i’ll let him down. Or that I’m just a liability to his success. I just don’t see or feel any hope anymore. […]
Category:
Chronic Pain
That’s a deep subject..I’m at a loss right now..feeling like I have no good reason to be on this planet any longer but I don’t want to bring anymore unnecessary pain to my 4 beautiful children and their families. I hurt so much physically (fibromyalgia) and mentally. I really don’t know how much more I can take..I’ve always been the one to make the sacrifice..
first of, i am new here.
I have been thinking about suicide for quite a while now. Reading on this forum does help me a little bit, but every time I read motivating posts about not killing yourself, I get more depressed since my problems are not things like “no one likes/cares for me”.
I am struggling with myself as a person in the last few months. i’ve been doing many things that i’m not proud of, additionaly i ended up in a situatuon where i am alone with myself. No one, even if they wanted to can help me now. feeling like im locked inside a […]
Going to college has always been my dream but after 1 year I can’t afford it and I refuse to work my ass off in a minimum wage slavery job until the day I die. There is absolutely no happiness in this world without a degree and without the money that comes with it, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to serve stuck up pricks burgers for the rest of my life I REFUSE!
The financial aid office offers no help to independent students and my drunk deadbeat dad cannot cosign a single loan for me, and I have no biological mother in the […]
I watched some clip someone posted about a person who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge and lived to regret it.
I’m unmoved.
When I’ve made my mind up about something, it’s very hard to change it, because I spend a very long time thinking about something before making a determination.
I don’t want to be alive.
There are some things that do not change.
I can hope, but I don’t see the pain letting up.
Another thing, I hate to hear of this assumption that people who want to die hate themselves.
I’ve never hated myself.
I reached a point where I hated what people […]
nobody really wants to help you, nobody really cares
it’s my last month on earth
I’m 28, and I want to die. The only thing that stops me is the pain it will leave behind. There’s no way to escape it. I don’t know how I could get these people that I care about out of my life without hurting them. How do you just stop well formed relationships? Recently, I’ve tried to take a detailed look into my past, into the type of person I have been. For 28 years I have felt sad and worthless with occasional moments of reprieve. I’ve tried a dozen different pills, psychiatrists, therapists, and I’m always right where I started in the depths […]
my father and my mother was arguing.
i stopped getting in the way due to my mom always being on his side.
today, she snapped.
i felt bad. she was screaming and it made sense. before that, he was towering over her on the couch, telling her how she was wrong about how he “didn’t” cheat on her(if you read my last post he did, he has a mistress to this day and talks to her while all three of us are at work{my brother, mom and i}), how shes a liar, and an idiot. an imbecile etc.
and she snapped, she said “FUCK YOU ALL” and “YOU […]
So I left and took the car my mom and me co-own but that she made most of the payments on. I went and stayed with a couple of druggies that offered to let me crash for a while but not before I took 666 dollars out of the joint account I had with my parents and bought a bar of gold using my dad’s Amazon store card to makeup for the shit he broke and refused to pay for. The druggies let me crash on their floor with a mattress from Monday to Thursday when they robbed me. I went down to the basement […]
Hi. I’m not sure if I want to live right now. I’ve been rereading a suicide note that I wrote a while back, trying to change its meaning into something less bleak. The problem is, I’m a fairly good writer, (even though it hurts to do so). I’m scared to die, but I can’t stand this. Would anyone be willing to lend a counter-argument to it? I know it’s not much, but I can send you a few dollars over PayPal as a thank you if you want.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1igVZfUQq7IbhJDjGhZ9qyEGVGbAbIpyy9or04P1Xd9s/edit?usp=drivesdk
I wrote a letter yesterday to my grandma telling her to not blame herself for my decision. No one was to blame for what I have done. I lost my papa in 2017 and I have not coped well since then. I died with him and I have finally understood what that meant. My boyfriend has tried to help me but I don’t share my feelings. So my decision comes from only me. I am alone and have always been alone. No matter how many people I surround myself with, I have always felt alone.
It makes things like this easier because I don’t have anyone […]
Something is seriously wrong with me.
I always knew that. Even as a kid, I knew I was fucked in the head. With no other way of explaining it, I deduced that I was actually a demon. I know that’s not the case now. I’m just broken. No, broken would imply that I was able to process the world properly at one point. I’m not broken. I’m dysfunctional. A misshapen gear unable to mesh with the other cogs in the works.
Most people are driven to work towards their goals, to make their mark in the world, to fight for what they believe is right. I don’t. […]
I’m about to try smoke some weed. Is it good? what can it do?
So I drank some vodka popped like 3 barbiturate pills and snorted as much heroin as I could manage before passing out and I still managed to death rattle 4 fucking hours to be “saved” by my mom. Fuck my life. This is like 4 times failing to die overdosing on heroin. Yes it’s definitely heroin as I found out in the 2 weeks of being restrained first at the hospital and then at the mental loony bin that was worse than jail. If I had known it was this hard to die from heroin I would have been a lot less carful in the […]
I just
want
the pain
to stop.
My friend A_____ turned 50 last year. I organized a nice little birthday gathering for him, which was especially meaningful for everyone since he’s battling mantle cell lymphoma (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantle_cell_lymphoma), and optimistically has another five years to live.
I’ve known A_____ for at least five years. I certainly considered him a friend before his cancer diagnosis several years ago, and as soon as I knew what he was facing, I promised myself that whatever support he needed, I would always be there for him.
We’ve always had a very easygoing, normal friendship. He has always treated me with nothing but […]
i can’t take it anymore. i hate it when he yawns, when he makes a disgusting sound when he drinks tee, when he chews food with open mouth, when he licks his fingers when he eats (I MEAN WHO ON EARTH DOES THAT!) when he makes some disgusting sound i don’t know if there’s a word for it… when he’s not doing anything with his fucking mouth but still there is a disgusting sound. OH and when he kisses my niece and nephew (his grand children) he makes this hateful disgusting sound with his wet lips UGHHH…
i mean like i’m in my room doing my […]
Do you know that feeling where your chest tightens and you can’t breathe, can’t sleep, can’t even talk and you just sit there and cry because you’re tired of this?
The room is quiet but you can’t seem to focus because your mind is too loud, you cried but no one can hear you and you smile but no one see through you. When you’re outside all you want to be is your bed and when you’re in bed you can’t sleep because these whispers become louder than your own voice! And you are struggling to keep yourself together although you’re already broken apart and the […]
God dammit. I feel like the worlds biggest failure. Can’t even overdose on heroin properly. Got a half gram with my last 40 dollars and snorted like half of it over a day or so. Then when I finally worked up the courage or a case of the fuck it’s or whatever I of course didn’t get the needle like I knew I would need. Snorted the rest in a huge stupid ass line I was sure would work. Guess it’s going to take more than that. All I remember is snorting it. Laying down and then I was half blacking out stumbling around the […]
I can’t sleep. Thoughts are swarming round my head. I keep swatting them away, but they keep coming back. It’s been like this for months now. The thoughts come at night. When all I want to do is sleep. But I’m always afraid. Every fucking hour of every damn day.
I just want to die. Finally drop dead and let the thoughts and anxieties drop dead with me. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. Life is not worth the pain I constantly feel.
If I can’t die, I at least want to sleep.