you can skip the first paragraph
i used to be suicidal some years ago, but i tried really hard and now i’m actually successful. i’m a computer engineering student and my grades are so good that i can go for masters degree without entrance exam. i’m a digital artist too and i’m currently an intern in a game development studio. it’s what i always wanted. although having to study hard and working at the same time is sometimes overwhelming, but it’s good. it makes me feel […]
Why do I get panic attacks for no reason at all?
I’ve heard a lot of people make the statement that they were born in the wrong time. As if that’s something to be proud of. I didn’t used to get annoyed with these people haughtily proclaiming their belonging to a different era, at least not when I was a teen. But now, it pisses me off to no end. Because I now feel that every day of my fucking life.
I’ve only been an adult for three years now, and already I’ve come across a major problem in my biological code. To put it bluntly, I’m inherently backward, I have an innate fear of change, […]
Throughout the course of my life, I have experienced a string of failures and have only occasionally managed to make the occasional breakthrough.
I wasn’t able to pursue the career I really wanted due to me not being skilled and experienced enough and there being a lack of entry level jobs to break in to the industry. Currently, I am unemployed and every job I interview for has 20 other candidates also campaigning for the same role and thus I keep getting rejected.
I don’t have enough money to go back to school and at this point, I regret ever going to school at all.
This natural spark […]
This past few weeks felt really lonely and embarrassing. I just remembered yesterday how miserable my life is.
I walked outside at night while crying and nobody cared at all. How lonely my world is.
I cried in my room while cutting my wrist and I felt the emotional pain rather than the physical pain.
Right now I feel like I can jump from a rooftop or be hit by a truck. Even though I always feel miserable all these years, I feel like I have the courage to die now. I don’t really get why I don’t deserve a happy life.
Please let me die. Living another day […]
Three weeks into antidepressants and met someone amazing.
It was all sunshine for a moment there but then it poured.
He told me he was moving away, wasn’t looking for anything serious and that he enjoyed being single. Running on low expectation all over again. I had to push him away since I was already having feelings for him and yeap that’s insane because we’ve only been dating for like a month. I guess people like us get attached too easily to any slight sign of happiness and when it goes away it feels like our world comes crumbling down. I haven’t stopped crying, can’t get out […]
Torpor circulates
breeds
spewing maggots
through veins
hollow
and spindly
refreshing this
exercise
in futility.
Encased, petrified
in the rigid amber
of a death grip;
their skeletal digits
gnarled, inhospitable
bring suffocation.
Ushering in softly
a traffic jam
of violent panic
in a parched throat
that no longer ferries
fatuous pleading.
I think I’ve reached my breaking point when it comes to forming relationships with people. My head feels so heavy, like thick black concrete forming a toxic sludge. No matter how much people tell me they care about me I can’t help but not feel that care. I can’t help but feel that they like someone else better, that I’ll alway be second best. I can’t help but think I will just die alone. I knew that if I were to just die today only my family would cry. And of course, I love my family. I am grateful for them. But there is something […]
I promised someone I wouldn’t kill myself.
I was a beautifully poetic moment and all. He gave me some good points as to why I shouldn’t off myself. I might have cried a little. We both got closer to each other because of it. And maybe it does make me feel a little better about myself. But looking back in it, I kinda wish I didn’t make that promise. Because now I have to commit to staying alive.
The truth is, I’d rather not be here. I rather not slog through this earth any longer than I have to. Not too long ago I looked […]
This post is to serve as my introduction to the Suicide Project as well as a kind of flippant virtual testament.
Had I been told one year before that I would be deeply suicidal and humbled beyond all conceivable limits, I would have laughed.
So here I am again. Same old lame things. Depression, anxiety. But this week I’ve had a very special guest in my life: rejection.
It’s not that we hadn’t met before. Oh no, we’ve always been pretty close. But this week we really connected.
Being the weirdo doesn’t really get along with depression and anxiety. Specially when you’re the only girl at work who wasn’t invited to the farewell party. Feeling 15? Well I am 25 and this is still hitting hard.
Friend stood me up and made it pretty clear that she doesn’t really care about me.
Crush has been making my life even more miserable for the […]
I want to drag you in
Deep inside me
Deep inside the blackhole with me
I want you to know my sadness my sorrow my darkness
But in the end I cant tell you
You have problem too
I know mine is so much more
But I cant give you more sadness more sorrow more darkness
When you said you bring bad luck to people around you
How can I say that Im not alright
How can I say that I have depression
When you are just my best friend
When you said about your best friend death
When you said your ex gf have cancer
How can I […]
I must apologize in advance, because I’m going to put a lot of videos and articles in this post and it will probably occupy a lot of space on the starting page of this site (needless to say, feel free to write your opinions about euthanasia in the comment section).
https://theconversation.com/separating-fact-from-fiction-about-euthanasia-in-belgium-58203
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3748787/Euthanasia-tourists-rush-Belgium-free-lethal-injections-staggering-2-023-medically-killed-year.html
https://newsmavens.com/news/aha-moments/2088/belgium-fears-euthanasia-tourism
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/12/24/brussels-denies-eu-rules-encourage-euthanasia-tourism/
And a PDF about euthanasia in Belgium:
I’m not sure how things will turn out. I’m not sure if people who know me will see this. But I’ll just leave this here, just in case…
*** *** ***
Hi all.
I’m really sorry.
The last few months.. No.. the last few years have been extremely difficult for me. I’ve been sick on and off. I was left without any idea of what to do. My options were gone, dashed with the end of art classes and painting. I couldn’t try and force myself into the resto+bakeshop seeing that things had changed so much from when I was there that it was dizzying just to try and keep up. […]
Goodbye, world.
Its been a rough few couple of days finding out the guy who is your best friend is also your crush I told him how I felt and now I regret it every single damn day because he doesn’t like me more then a friend instead he’s in love with his best friend she’s his lock screen and everything im not trying to sound jealous but im hurt because he knew I liked him and he never once told me about her so im really hurt and broken but what’s it matter right my life is shit everyday so fuck everyone im done 🙁 im […]
Birthday is 12/30/75. I’m 5’0″, giant blue eyes, with long blonde hair…I had major back surgery, so I now have screws, plates and nuts drilled into my lumbar spine. I don’t sleep, I barely eat, I can’t work–I can only stand, sit or lay down for very short periods of time. I am suddenly homeless, I have no family or friends, I have zero income because I’m waiting for social security disability and cannot work. I have no medical insurance, so I am currently off all my mental health meds.(6 of them).I have major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, and panic disorder. I suffer […]
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