Chronic Pain

I think I’ve reached my breaking point when it comes to forming relationships with people. My head feels so heavy, like thick black concrete forming a toxic sludge. No matter how much people tell me they care about me I can’t help but not feel that care. I can’t help but feel that they like someone else better, that I’ll alway be second best. I can’t help but think I will just die alone. I knew that if I were to just die today only my family would cry. And of course, I love my family. I am grateful for them. But there is something […]

This post is to serve as my introduction to the Suicide Project as well as a kind of flippant virtual testament.

Had I been told one year before that I would be deeply suicidal and humbled beyond all conceivable limits, I would have laughed.

Suicide is always an option for me. Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say I lose my Car Keys. When I go through my head to assess my options, my options will look like:

1. Trace your steps

2. Replace the keys

3. Kill yourself.

It’s always there for some reason, in my list of options when I’m trying to solve problems. Isnt that ridiculous!? Even when I’m not depressed it’s like that.suicide

I would say I’m only mildly depressed right now, and that I’ve been working hard to make progress. I have made progress, lots of it. But it’s still there, like this annoying little whisper. I keep having to remind myself that […]