I hate this, I hate being alone and waking up and knowing this person doesn’t want me and that I’m such a fuckup and I can’t talk to anyone about how much I just want to be dead without them calling 911 on me, no one to watch over me it’s just taking so much for me right now just to not end it all because nobody fucking cares they all just want to ruin my future and put me in a hospital, they don’t make you better they just make you numb. I have to suppress all my fucking feelings so I don’t fucking […]
Category:
Chronic Pain
I just prayed for my death tonight.
I did this a few times before. I won’t say I’m extremely religious, but I do believe someone is out there. It’s comforting sometimes. However, it wouldn’t bother me too much if I crossed to the other side and was just met with a blank emptiness. Honestly, the eternal quiet would be a good change of pace. So whether I’m proven wrong or right, as long as I get to rest in peace, that’s fine with me.
As for the reason I prayed for my death, let’s just say I’m terrified. I’ve been low key terrified for months now about […]
Look at me from the outside and tell me, “she has nothing to be sad about, her life is great!” and I say, “step inside my mind for a day and tell me the same thing tomorrow” You cant.. because living in the turmoil, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, obsessive brain that is mine will make you be happy you live in your own head. I cant even remember the last time I felt genuine happiness, and its getting pretty frustrating to wake up and hurt all the time. I want nothing more than to feel okay, to not feel anguish or suicidal. Just for one stinking […]
Edit: I’m not sure if this was officially posted, it’s. Very confusing on how to submit.
Hello.I’m new here & I feel like I have no one to open up to which is why I’m here. Long read so if you can’t read my whole essay, just skip to the LAST PARAGRAPH below.
I’m 32 yrs old & have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. I find that living with depression is bearable when I have great things going on in my life.
As of these past couple of years, I have experienced a moderate amount of hardships. My mom became very sick, as a result, […]
So, if you didn’t already know, you are now the third person that knows about this, I don’t like to tell people unless they are really close or I end up upsetting them therefore id tell them. Well last summer in 2018 I had the worst months of my life, there were 2 weeks where I decided not to eat at all and got taken to the hospital. I was in a state of mind where dying was the most important accomplishment for me. I’d lost the one person who made me stronger and who made me, me. I spent months on end crying and […]
I am a 24 year old guy. This is for the first time I am writing something out of my heart so I will try my best to open up. Life has always been tough for me to be more specific it’s been one wrong decision after another. I was raped multiple times by by older cousins and others when I was a kid. I did not know what was happening, I was to young to understand or share my situation with anyone. As I grew older and realised I wanted to kill those people but I was too emotional and weak to do something […]
I have two brothers who despise my father as well. He had always demeaned us since we were children(the oldest[aka kuya] is at least 37 and my other brother who lives with us is 24, I am 17 turning 18 in august). This is my last year of highschool and my father continued to tell me I would never graduate and amount to anything(to this day). He left beginning of Sophomore year and left my mom with no money when we were getting kicked out. I had talks with my mother while we were adjusting to our new life, and she admits that shes okay […]
To climb out of the wreckage of lies, deception and willful betrayal and duplicity. To perceive who someone really is under their ingenuous disguise of innocent princess playing the victim. Covert narcissism runs deep in a traumatized mind. I’ll burn the whole world down to achieve my success and realize my nocturnal dreams to reality. I’ll be damned if I let the insidious lies of a miserably trapped, cognitively dissonant, neurotically insipid, and untreated psychotic disassemble my life. The fire inside of me rages with flames of pride, dignity, and truth of self. The distinctive I. I, Ryze. And I know the Creator. My I […]
I am a suicidal survivor. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, though. You think that once you have finally made it past being suicidal and depressed that you’ll always feel better; there are no simple fixes to being mentally broken. It’s not a broken bone that will one day heal. Even though I do not actively want to die, i’ll hear a song, or watch a show that I watched or listened to when I was hurting and depressed and I will spiral down the rabbit hole once more. The emptiness still lingers, and I still have thoughts. When a person becomes that […]
Title: AI in the future / A.I in the future / Artificial Intelligence in the future ; VR in the future / V.R in the future / Virtual Reality in the future ; Transhumanism in the future ; technology in the future ; Life is boring ; Life sucks ; escape from reality
The more detailed post:
AI is the future
A.I is the future
Artificial Intelligence is the future
because Life is boring / reality is boring / real life is boring / real world is boring
VR is the future
V.R is the future
Virtual Reality is the future
because Life is boring […]
you wanted more attention from me?
bad girl!
now i’ll give you the silent treatment and make you believe you did something wrong
Does anyone else feel like no matter what they do they can’t do anything right? That they’re tired of inconveniencing everyone around them and making life so much harder? I feel so unwanted. I don’t even want to die. I just want to run away and live by myself. That way no one will be burdened by my passing.
Something is wrong
Its been more than 2 weeks since im sick…
When i dont eat maid’s cooking im okay..
But when i eat it im sick again
Its already 2 times i skip her cooking and im really really fine
Something is wrong..
But my mom doesnt believe me
What shiuld i do?
Its so weird..
I think im going to die soon..
Not because i take my life.. but she take my life
Believe me mom..
Please believe me…
What is there to continue for? Why purpose do I serve by being here?
by Enman Tengu
written by Enman Tengu
For what purpose am I here? that is the question that is always on my mind.
And it always seems that I come back to this point, the only purpose in my life seem to be to serve others. I am responsible for the health and wellbeing of others, my own health and wellbeing is irrelevant to anyone else as long as I am able to serve them, they are okay with the way things are. I continue to think that this is somehow friendship, and that my service to them is an incidental thing in the “friendship”. But then their […]
I wanna see it happening. To see that I’m not just a sad story. That it’s real. I want to feel alive. I want to feel that there’s something for me out there. Something that will make me keep on going, keep on moving forward. Like Charlie did. I want to have someone to love and to be loved back. I want to have someone that will like the real me. That can see me, see through my eyes without even asking what’s wrong with me. I want to feel that I can live. To live with much love and hope like Charlie did. Like […]
Im really sick yet i dont have courage to die
I hate myself so much
Even parents hate me so much
They want to kill me
Because i dont have nothing to give them
Unlike my sisters
Im just a pile of garbage
Nothing precious
They always scream at me
Thwy always discriminate me
They always underestimate me
I have nothing but failure and pain
Its been 2 weeks since im lying in my bed
Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
I’m screaming for help
Please help me
I can’t see anything
I don’t know where I am
I’m just surrounded by darkness
Help me find myself because as time goes by I feel more lost
People can’t seem to understand when I tell them that 95% of my time on this earth has been suffering or painful.
Yes there are good times and good friends but they are so few and far between it’s just painful to continue. I’m pretty sure I have major depression, but without any money or healthcare coverage I can’t get it diagnosed, and honestly I really don’t care enough to try anymore.
Also lost my job in 2014, lost my health care coverage, and was rejected for unemployment or assistance of any kind. I had to sell the house, most of my belongings, and burn all of […]
Back in High School, there was this girl that i like, like A LOT or should i say I LOVE HER. She’s pretty good looking, athletic and the coolest girl that i know but she was out of my league, that’s the problem. I’m this skinny not good looking guy. Like I’m the complete definition of a NERD. But i didn’t care. I had to gather all this guts to prove to her that I can be the GUY for her. I want her to like me. I heard she had a boyfriend and then they broke up. I know it was a good opportunity […]
Another day. I made it. Everything’s as usual. Some things sucks but some are getting better. I’m just hoping that i would at some point would feel different than i was yesterday. Like a happy story in some books or movies. I’m trying to be like i’m not a sad story. I mean, there were moments that i felt that i succeeded but at the end of the day, all came back. When i lay down in bed, these thoughts and feelings haunt me. I didn’t know what to do. So here i am. Writing this and hoping that somewhere someone is feeling the same […]