Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I […]
I have always been a failure despite achieving a lot early in life. Sounds odd, but trouble followed me since I was a teen, leading to the bottom I hit, yet again. I have attempted to take my life several times in 20 years. the first time I saw the light and was given a choice to live which I stupidly accepted. The second time I saw the darkness, an empty void of loneliness and despair. Again, out of the darkness came a light that gave me yet another chance. Now here I am 10 years on, and again I realize I do not belong […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like there is more than one soul in me. I have to make a choice, either be too kind and suffer the consequences or be heartless and later come crashing down. I could also just stay the way I am right now but the thing is I don’t feel fine. I could never stay like this. Ignoring the way I feel is killing me. I’m just tired and sick of this life. I feel so selfish, I have everything I need to be able to survive yet I’m still depressed. I just can’t go back. Summer is […]
WARNING: It is not enough if you have read these techniques. You must put actually put the techniques into practice! Everyday we are expected talk softly to suicidal people and treat them as though they are rational and understand how the brain works. They don’t. If you don’t understand that you REALLY don’t know about mental illness and you better read carefully to the end. You are the only one who can fix this and unfortunately you have no training, education or experience to do so, and the disease you have actually tries to stop you from fixing it. I was depressed until the age […]
One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.
But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they […]
I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through
My biggest problem is […]
I had a surgery back in November 2016 that’s left me in debilitating constant agonizing pain. I developed multiple hernias after a surgery I had back in June 2016. They were incisional hernias. They weren’t painful, but very uncomfortable. I decided to have elected surgery to repair them. I agreed for the surgeon to suture them and then use mesh to reinforce them, so they wouldn’t reoccur. Which was her recommendation. After I came out of surgery I was in agonizing pain and no amount of Narcotics that they gave me could take away the pain. I knew something had gone wrong during surgery, I […]
I’ve been fighting for so long and its time I surrender. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect daughter. I’m sorry I wasn’t born a boy. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment and I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. I’m sorry i couldn’t open up about it. I’m sorry I was too weak to ask for help, I thought I would get over it like all my problems, just like you said. I didn’t want to cause more drama since you said I should “get over it and stop being a drama queen”. I’m sorry I wasn’t friends with who you wanted […]
my tongue twists
my words, I stutter
people around me are so well put together
then there’s me a star that is slowly collapsing upon itslef
a book that never left the shelf
my knees shake
my feet set firmly upon the ground
things around me has more worth, more love from others
then there’s me a car with no running motor
a heart once beating grows tired everyday
my eyes glued shut
my cheeks burning up a blush
my tears telling me to hush
I need someone with to talk about our problems. I’m a chronic Suicidal now. I’m 20 years old and I’m a girl. My first attempt to suicide was when I was 13 years old. I’m on psychiatric treatment since I was 15 years old. I was bullied, raped, humiliated and I didn’t want to live anymore. I’ve been trough hard situations and all I’ve always tried to do is kill myself, but my family know about my problems and someone is always looking at me so I couldn’t do anything else than being in coma for an overdose of pills. Please comment below if you […]
I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.
My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.
I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind […]
I do not think I am capable of being loved. I fear that I am never going to be able to find someone who will love me the way I fail to love myself. It has always been my only hope. What if it’s the only way all of this will ever get better? To find the right person who will always be there for me. The thing is I’ve been lied to so many times that I don’t think I can trust anyone anymore. People talk to me when they need something then they just disappear. If I refuse to do what they ask […]
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/bulldog-eyes-asleep-02-gross.mp3
Song: Gross by Bulldog Eyes (asleep, track no. 2)
“You’re so fucking gross // you know the blow lands low”
this band is very nice and deserves a lot more recognition for their lo-if music. really kind of helps when I’m feeling low
do you ever feel so useless and depressed that you no longer feel?
after feeling angry and sad for so long i’m starting to only feel numbness. i’m starting to accept the fact that I am useless and will never be skinny or pretty or talented.
i’m too lazy and too far gone to try to “improve” myself and work on trying to get my life back together. when I try to think about feeling “normal” again I immediately realize that that is impossible and absurd. I will never and can never be happy again.
Im such a burden to all who are around me and I’ve been […]
Okay. So I don’t really know how this works. What if someone I know finds this, what then? How am I going to explain all this. When people I know see my cuts they judge and say I do it for attention so what will they think if they ever found this? I just need my space, I want to be able to express my thoughts without being scared but I guess fear is always going to be there.
I’m off tomorrow, away for a bit. Doing something I’ve never done before – wild camping, far out. I’ve spent most of my life indoors, not being allowed to have my own independence, so my experiences are limited. I’m looking forward to it, but at the same time, I’m not.
I’ve been really slacking, not having the motivation to do much in general (which includes writing this post, took quite a bit of energy to) and get packing and sort out my room before I leave, so I’ve left it to the last minute. This is really stressful.
The long hikes I’ll be taking might drain me […]
“We do not chose to be born but we do have some kind of decision in the way we die”
It’s funny how life works at times. For as long as I can remember it’s been this way. I just don’t know if it is ever going to end. Its really hard, living like everything is fine. I tend to focus on other people’s problems then my own. To be able to survive this I tell myself that maybe there is a reason I’m like this but I’m tired of lying to myself, I’m tired of believing something that isn’t true and nothing but a sham.
I’m […]
Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.
“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.
When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about […]
I wish that I could be reborn in a new body. Cosmetically speaking, I have got to be one of the biggest freaks ever to exist. My body is a lemon. I have hideous body acne almost everywhere – including sometimes on my forearms. I’ve lost some hair. I have hideous teeth (possibly malocclusion). I am 28 years old but look like a puny 14-year-old. I’m also only 5’3.”
Before I continue, I must state that I know that these problems, individually, are not necessarily freakish (aside from forearm acne).
Yes, some people have bad body acne, and I’ve even found some rare examples online of people […]
After getting accepted to the Uni’ (a really good world known one), I have finished my first semester with an average grades of 75.
75 means – No jobs as a student, hard time finding job once I’m out, and other shitty stuff.
But what is worst is the fact that I went back home. I went back to the nothing I have. To the environment where I have to work a lot while my…. UsedToBe Friends, got their parents as financial backup.
I feel just the way I felt as a 4th grader – Isolated, powerless, incompetent.
My spirit as a fighter died, I […]