Category:

Chronic Pain

by Grimhild 8/8/2021

written by Grimhild

it’s all just getting worse. it’s been a downhill spiral for so many years.

every single time i think something’s going to get better, even just a little bit, i’m slapped in the face and things get worse. it doesn’t matter if i hope a little or a lot for things to get better, or if it seems like there’s a way out – i try to take that way and i only fall further downhill.

i can’t afford to live. no one will hire me. i can’t do physical jobs because of my disability, i can’t handle college, i’m too mentally ill for most jobs, i’ve […]

8/8/2021 3 comments

pain and despair

by SeladorSmith 8/4/2021

written by SeladorSmith

Over the years I’ve worked very hard to fix what I thought was causing my problems in life. I’ve moved into better and higher paying jobs, I’ve acquired more money and found better and more comfortable places to live, and I’ve endeavoured to reset my relationships with other people to the point where I limit my interactions with those who do not make me feel good about myself.

However, the problem is always there and never goes away no matter what I do. No matter how much I am able to make my life better, I cannot get rid of the intense feelings of unhappiness and […]

8/4/2021 5 comments

Hated for having cancer

by originalol 7/30/2021

written by originalol

I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.

They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing […]

7/30/2021 1 comment

15 year long battle with bipolar

by rinororime 7/11/2021

written by rinororime

I’ve never believed I’d make it past 21. I was convinced I’d get a slight feeling of autonomy and take the opportunity to end everything, and yet i’m 26 and still falling into the same trap. 4 suicide Attempts since age 11. Each one interrupted before things started. Then I turn 20. While laying on the railway, I find goals to acheive, I move out, I build myself up financially, and now 5 years later, I’ve acheived my goals, and along the way I meet who would be my best friend and soon to be wife. And I come to realize that I’ve never been […]

7/11/2021 2 comments

Wasted

by Grimhild 7/7/2021

written by Grimhild

My childhood was nothing but trauma. My teen years were the same. I’m almost 21, and all I’ve had to look back on is wasted years, trauma, and grief. My disability prevented me from enjoying even the decent years.

The worst part is that I’m still experiencing trauma. I’m not even free from my abusive family.

I wonder if I ever will be free from here while I’m still alive.

7/7/2021 2 comments

Left Behind…

by Un- 7/3/2021

written by Un-

Throughout my life I’ve met and connected with people that suffer the same way I do – that have an overwhelming sense of dread in the morning, or are waiting for the day to die. They’re all gone now. Moved onto better things. Better lives. And I’m still stuck here.

I don’t understand. There’s something inside my head – an anchor, chaining me in place. Why can’t I move on? Why can’t I get a friend? Why can’t I be successful in school? Why can’t I mean something to someone? And they can… Like it never was anything to them. Maybe I […]

7/3/2021 1 comment

I Want To Stop Thinking Altogether

by ravenna121 6/27/2021

written by ravenna121

MY MIND IS THE WORST!

I wish I could stop overthinking everything. I hate that I always make a mountain out of a molehill (sometimes even an anthill). It’s summer vacation but I’m still full of worries and I can’t tell whether or not they’re valid because I’m just too detatched from reality at this point.

Why am I so goddamn insecure? Why does my mind feel the need to compare me to others and make me feel infinitely inferior to them? Is it really accurate to think that I’m incredibly stupid, repulsively ugly, and undesirable in every way to be around? My insecurities are so awful […]

6/27/2021 2 comments

What’s the point, really?

by Grimhild 6/23/2021

written by Grimhild

I don’t really know why I try, if I’m honest. Before, I thought maybe my creative work wasn’t too bad – but now I think it’s all horrible, right as I’m about to finish a big project. I keep thinking it’s not good enough to show to anyone despite all my work. I’ve told people about how I’m about to finish it, I can’t just pretend that never happened – but I don’t want them to judge it once they see it. It’s all over the place… A mess of work.

Creative work is really all I have. I can’t stand long enough to get hired […]

6/23/2021 3 comments

Afterlife

by SamLight 6/21/2021

written by SamLight

What happens after we die ? I wonder. Am I gonna find myself in a beautiful village with habitants full of love attention who would care for me when I’m sick, be happy for me when I succeed, accompany me in the worst times. We would laugh together about silly jokes, eat every meal together, play outside and take care of Farm animals. The view from our house would be breathtaking and everyone would get along. But most importantly, I would have forgotten everything,, every little bit of abuse, self hatred and abomination from this current life. I really hope this heaven awaits me for […]

6/21/2021 2 comments

…

by meltyhands 6/20/2021

written by meltyhands

I honest to god don’t know how much longer I can take it anymore. Life from my birth to 16 has been awful: watching my mom almost die, groomed and attempted molestation from my brother, watching my mother try to kill herself daily by overdosing, my dad choosing women over me, school abuse, the list goes on. I can’t go into detail without writing a novel’s worth. When 2020 came….that January I finally looked into my mother’s death after five, going on six years. And it solidified something I wanted to do in life: be an autopsist. I studied my heart out into anatomy and […]

6/20/2021 2 comments

rambling

by Grimhild 6/17/2021

written by Grimhild

This is my first post here, so hello. You can call me Grimhild. I’m in my early 20s. This is going to be a bit rambly. I’m very tired because I haven’t slept.

In short, I feel very useless.

I’m trying to get a physical disability diagnosed. I was supposed to sleep so I could get my blood test done, but every time I’m going to get a blood test done I cant sleep until the sun is up, then I pass out and sleep

6/17/2021 3 comments

I Died Inside

by ravenna121 6/15/2021

written by ravenna121

I woke up today feeling absolutely dreadful. Getting up was so difficult to do; I was struggling in bed just wanting to sleep or, better yet, to die. I knew that I was going to be late to Homeroom but I didn’t care. It took me around ten minutes just to get my laptop from the drawer of the nightstand next to my bed.

It’s so beautiful outside, but it feels wrong. The stunning appearance of experience is a deceitful facade that conceals its horrors. I’m looking out the window right now and thinking, “How is it that the world has so many beautiful things in […]

6/15/2021 1 comment

Back In 2013

by madetofade2 6/11/2021

written by madetofade2

I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]

6/11/2021 3 comments

Do it

by LivinGhost 6/2/2021

written by LivinGhost

I can’t believe how old I am now. 37. My suicidal thoughts started when I was 8. My life was hard and abusive. It’s not like that now but I had already died inside a long ago and I just keep inhabiting this shell.
I was smart enough not to bring a child. I’d probably would have been an absent mother with occasional outbursts of disproportionate rage and pass this poison on to my future generation.
I wouldn’t advise everyone who has a bad day or a few rough weeks even, to do it but
If your life is objectively horrible
If the meds don’t […]

6/2/2021 8 comments

Things are Getting Awful

by ravenna121 6/2/2021

written by ravenna121

I’m so sick and tired of living this nightmare that is my life. I have been deprived of all happiness and feel nothing but pain. Life is a terror and bad things keep happening to me. I don’t feel safe at all. I’m not even me anymore. My mind is deteriorating and I have trouble thinking straight at times. I feel extreme, unbearable anxiety that makes me feel like I’m dying. I loathe myself and wish I never existed. I wish I had been fucking aborted at least, goddamnit. Things will never get better. There’s no way out at this point; it’s too late to […]

6/2/2021 3 comments

Nothing to Live For

by ravenna121 5/29/2021

written by ravenna121

I hate being alive. I’d kill myself, but my parents would freak out and my siblings/friends would be sad. So I literally only live because other people expect me to…

This lack of meaning in my life has led me to focus excessively on the superficial things such as how I look, what I have, and what other people think of me. The raging philosopher in me condemns this, but I can’t help it.

Whenever something goes wrong or I experience a setback in my life now, I get so upset, as if every good thing in my life has gone. I guess the feeling is kind […]

5/29/2021 4 comments

The way I live

by SamLight 5/23/2021

written by SamLight

It is very difficult to express the way I feel on a daily basis. Today, I was supposed to study for my finals but i didn’t. Thoughts kept running through my mind, and I imagined a whole conversation with a psychiatrist and kept talking to him for 3 hours. It felt like I was in a bubble, it felt so real. I’ve always been like this, since I do not have close friends, there’s no one to share my thoughts with, so I imagine people in my mind. Oh lord loneliness has become my home. I feel very awkward when engaging in a real conversation […]

5/23/2021 2 comments

I feel like I’m gonna die soon

by SamLight 5/15/2021

written by SamLight

I don’t know how to fully explain this feeling.I’m certain that I’m going to die soon. Actually I’ve been taking antidepressants on and off (SSRI) and I would take 5 mg for days then switch to ten, then not take it for some days really depending on my moods. Honestly, I got very paranoid I felt like taking them would change me completely and make me an idiot for the rest of my life. I also had some very troubling thoughts about burning myself it was almost as if I was obsessing over the idea of doing it . I wanted to burn myself to […]

5/15/2021 3 comments

Die or disappear?

by cris99 5/15/2021

written by cris99

I dont know how I feel, it´s not that I want to die I just want to disppear without hurting anyone. The thing is, you can just get help, but i feel that I don´t have any reason to be sad and I dont want to talk to a psycologist when some people have real problems, my life is good so why do I feel this way. I just can´t take it anymore, I want to leave this world and my mind, i want to finally relax.

5/15/2021 2 comments

Glow stick

by the_girl_with_the_yellow_necklace 5/12/2021

written by the_girl_with_the_yellow_necklace

My family always called me a glow stick because I shine to them with my fake smile, I don’t need your pity when my life sucks ass? and I’m in love with a Taurus male. It’s important I’ve known him for so long and we both love each other in a romantic relationship way. So we are kinda just really close friends. My friends probably know who this is already I know too. But what do they really know about me? I don’t even know myself or who I am.. all I know is for a fact I love him, he loves me. It’s started […]

5/12/2021 1 comment

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