I’ve been feeling pretty shitty about myself lately since I feel ungrateful because I know I have a life that many others wish they had and yet I still want to kill myself. I’ve also been disgusted with myself since I feel so obnoxious, I’ve been telling myself I’m stressed when other people have it far worst and wanting things to be different when I have everything I need. On top of that I’ve been feeling guilty since everyone around me thinks I’m positive and confident when I’m really the opposite by not denying these things am I not lying not only to the world […]
Masking heavy thoughts
Like dirt covering a dead seed
Giving life to unclean intentions
And sprouting the darkest deeds
Song lyrics?:
The things I’ve tried and heard
Looking for better words 2x
Idk I’m just trying to get rid of the loud thoughts and go tf to sleep
Still the honor roll!!!! This was a post from obviously a while ago. These people meant a lot to me back in that time. I was actually getting back on to see if these people are still active on this site currently by any chance?
SP Honour Roll
written by @
12/23/2014
Bisban (Morlock)
Clevername
CyanidesOfMarch
C4 (and his various aliases)
Dawg
DeathDreamer
Distant.Road
Distress
Duke of Marmalade
Koji
Nias
OnlyLoveisReal
PainNLife
Persa (and her various aliases)
Procel
Quaero
RealTalk30
Rocketman (and the Hot Tub Gang)
RogueShadow (I forget the numerals)
Searchingformeaning
Shepherd (RogueLonesome)
Snuf (and his various aliases)
Stendarr (and her various prefixes and affixes)
StruggleOn
Thanatos (and his various aliases)
Tristeza
TheWhispersOfMySins
Xanadu (and his various aliases)
I was convinced i dreamt this website
Some sick depressed fever dream
An ill lonely teen looking to relate to people
I sunk so low
I still do
My scars scabbed through shame
But you heal
Still fragile, broken, cracked, but still healing
Which sounds like some cringe-y crap
Fuck, Ill be so-called ‘healing’ till the day i die
But
I have to make peace with that
I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.
They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing […]
Everything in my life seems to be going great. I am looking at colleges and can go wherever I want pretty much because we can afford it so i’m very lucky in that way, I have a job where i’m outside doing physical labor which I love, my friends are great and I have very close meaningful relationships. Yet despite all of this just because of one girl my entire world seems to be falling apart. It has been what seems like 5 months since we broke up, but I just can’t find that sense of comfort I had in that relationship. At this point […]
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I’ve been reading some of the other posts, and I think the arbitrary nature of our predicament is a common theme. I think that the rest of mankind is happily unaware of the brutal realities of our universe. If not, they certainly don’t let on that they are aware of such things. What sort of things?
Humans are fantastically creative. We are creatures of narrative. So when we explain ourselves, it is usually through storytelling. For the majority of written history the dominant narrative focused on spiritual beings who impute a deeper meaning to the actions of humans. There is no […]
nothing feels real. i dont feel real. self harm didnt really do anything for me, so now im sitting here, not really sure where to go from here.
I’m either suffering, numb, or I feel somewhat okay. I just alternate depending on how badly my body hurts, if my family gangs up on me, and if I actually have food for the day.
I hate it. It’s the same thing over and over of barely being able to leave my room out of fear. I wanna see my friends because I’m so lonely but they’re all too busy. If I jumped out the window I wouldn’t die but at least something would change. At least they feed you regularly at the hospital.
I just can’t stand being stuck here wondering if I’ll have food today […]
I’ve never believed I’d make it past 21. I was convinced I’d get a slight feeling of autonomy and take the opportunity to end everything, and yet i’m 26 and still falling into the same trap. 4 suicide Attempts since age 11. Each one interrupted before things started. Then I turn 20. While laying on the railway, I find goals to acheive, I move out, I build myself up financially, and now 5 years later, I’ve acheived my goals, and along the way I meet who would be my best friend and soon to be wife. And I come to realize that I’ve never been […]
Long story short. I’ve been on the edge for years now. A while back I realized that instead of killing myself, I could just dissapear n look at it as a ”bonus level”. I’m sure my family would be more comfortable knowing im alive somwhere. I’ve read about some people who disappeared to start a new life n are way better off. So why not try?
The only thing thats holding me back is the fact that I’m a parent. Obviously I want the best for my kid but I’m very misserable and mentally unstable so I’m not sure which is better; two parents but one […]
I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]
i am ruined. i am disgusting. i am used. i am repulsive. i am unclean. i am filthy. i am tainted.
disgusting.
Omg I’m glad to see this site is still up and running. I made several friends here that are still close to my heart!
That’s all the good news, the bad is, I don’t really have any advice! I came through to the other side using unconventional methods.
(I didn’t let doctors dope me up and essentially calm my personality down. I like my personality just the way it is. I was just tired of the depression brought on by anxiety)
Any who I’d like to drop a poem for all that’s interested in poetry! It’s about a friend I’ve made since I’ve got better. […]
It is very difficult to express the way I feel on a daily basis. Today, I was supposed to study for my finals but i didn’t. Thoughts kept running through my mind, and I imagined a whole conversation with a psychiatrist and kept talking to him for 3 hours. It felt like I was in a bubble, it felt so real. I’ve always been like this, since I do not have close friends, there’s no one to share my thoughts with, so I imagine people in my mind. Oh lord loneliness has become my home. I feel very awkward when engaging in a real conversation […]
Live in the present moment, no time no space just yourself and your surroundings. Breathing in the same air the same environment. Not knowing the known. Erasing the the way of living that was taught since birth.
“imagine what would it feel like to be In peace?” Freedom, gratitude? What are those really like? How come these thoughts Always Intrigues my mind… Is it because I’m so used to the pain suffering that I’ve caused myself.
Easily influenced by the outside world. But hard headed when it comes to Helping myself. Thinking about not deserving to have that kind of life which I desire.. sad truth. I […]
my paranoia is getting worse. i have work to do and i don’t want to take my Seroquel because it knocks me out. my mom made me take it. i don’t want to sleep. the minute i go to bed i
holy shit. it’s really gotten this bad. i can’t finish my fucking sentence because i’m convinced that if i think about it or say it or write it, it will happen. i’ve been obsessively knocking on wood. i need to. why? because if i don’t do it the the *IEU*(E8uy9e89ye89uy i can’t write it i can’t write it I can’t write it FUCK
i’ve been making […]
Maybe the life I’ve build, is the one I deserve. But is it really fair for someone to only be able to build a Horror-Mansion, while others get a Dreamhouse done.? They call it ‘having the tools to deal with setbacks’. I’ve never aquired anything more than a pair of old rusty scissors, to cut the caution tape, that I’ve wrapped around my Mansion, for normal folks to stay away.
Trespassers would still get in. They love being part of the haunted feeling once in a while. They’re lucky they get to leave that feeling, because I don’t. I have to stay here, isolated and question […]
I don’t know how to fully explain this feeling.I’m certain that I’m going to die soon. Actually I’ve been taking antidepressants on and off (SSRI) and I would take 5 mg for days then switch to ten, then not take it for some days really depending on my moods. Honestly, I got very paranoid I felt like taking them would change me completely and make me an idiot for the rest of my life. I also had some very troubling thoughts about burning myself it was almost as if I was obsessing over the idea of doing it . I wanted to burn myself to […]
My family always called me a glow stick because I shine to them with my fake smile, I don’t need your pity when my life sucks ass? and I’m in love with a Taurus male. It’s important I’ve known him for so long and we both love each other in a romantic relationship way. So we are kinda just really close friends. My friends probably know who this is already I know too. But what do they really know about me? I don’t even know myself or who I am.. all I know is for a fact I love him, he loves me. It’s started […]