nothing feels real. i dont feel real. self harm didnt really do anything for me, so now im sitting here, not really sure where to go from here.
Coping Skills
I’m either suffering, numb, or I feel somewhat okay. I just alternate depending on how badly my body hurts, if my family gangs up on me, and if I actually have food for the day.
I hate it. It’s the same thing over and over of barely being able to leave my room out of fear. I wanna see my friends because I’m so lonely but they’re all too busy. If I jumped out the window I wouldn’t die but at least something would change. At least they feed you regularly at the hospital.
I just can’t stand being stuck here wondering if I’ll have food today […]
I’ve never believed I’d make it past 21. I was convinced I’d get a slight feeling of autonomy and take the opportunity to end everything, and yet i’m 26 and still falling into the same trap. 4 suicide Attempts since age 11. Each one interrupted before things started. Then I turn 20. While laying on the railway, I find goals to acheive, I move out, I build myself up financially, and now 5 years later, I’ve acheived my goals, and along the way I meet who would be my best friend and soon to be wife. And I come to realize that I’ve never been […]
Long story short. I’ve been on the edge for years now. A while back I realized that instead of killing myself, I could just dissapear n look at it as a ”bonus level”. I’m sure my family would be more comfortable knowing im alive somwhere. I’ve read about some people who disappeared to start a new life n are way better off. So why not try?
The only thing thats holding me back is the fact that I’m a parent. Obviously I want the best for my kid but I’m very misserable and mentally unstable so I’m not sure which is better; two parents but one […]
I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]
i am ruined. i am disgusting. i am used. i am repulsive. i am unclean. i am filthy. i am tainted.
disgusting.
Omg I’m glad to see this site is still up and running. I made several friends here that are still close to my heart!
That’s all the good news, the bad is, I don’t really have any advice! I came through to the other side using unconventional methods.
(I didn’t let doctors dope me up and essentially calm my personality down. I like my personality just the way it is. I was just tired of the depression brought on by anxiety)
Any who I’d like to drop a poem for all that’s interested in poetry! It’s about a friend I’ve made since I’ve got better. […]
It is very difficult to express the way I feel on a daily basis. Today, I was supposed to study for my finals but i didn’t. Thoughts kept running through my mind, and I imagined a whole conversation with a psychiatrist and kept talking to him for 3 hours. It felt like I was in a bubble, it felt so real. I’ve always been like this, since I do not have close friends, there’s no one to share my thoughts with, so I imagine people in my mind. Oh lord loneliness has become my home. I feel very awkward when engaging in a real conversation […]
Live in the present moment, no time no space just yourself and your surroundings. Breathing in the same air the same environment. Not knowing the known. Erasing the the way of living that was taught since birth.
“imagine what would it feel like to be In peace?” Freedom, gratitude? What are those really like? How come these thoughts Always Intrigues my mind… Is it because I’m so used to the pain suffering that I’ve caused myself.
Easily influenced by the outside world. But hard headed when it comes to Helping myself. Thinking about not deserving to have that kind of life which I desire.. sad truth. I […]
my paranoia is getting worse. i have work to do and i don’t want to take my Seroquel because it knocks me out. my mom made me take it. i don’t want to sleep. the minute i go to bed i
holy shit. it’s really gotten this bad. i can’t finish my fucking sentence because i’m convinced that if i think about it or say it or write it, it will happen. i’ve been obsessively knocking on wood. i need to. why? because if i don’t do it the the *IEU*(E8uy9e89ye89uy i can’t write it i can’t write it I can’t write it FUCK
i’ve been making […]
Maybe the life I’ve build, is the one I deserve. But is it really fair for someone to only be able to build a Horror-Mansion, while others get a Dreamhouse done.? They call it ‘having the tools to deal with setbacks’. I’ve never aquired anything more than a pair of old rusty scissors, to cut the caution tape, that I’ve wrapped around my Mansion, for normal folks to stay away.
Trespassers would still get in. They love being part of the haunted feeling once in a while. They’re lucky they get to leave that feeling, because I don’t. I have to stay here, isolated and question […]
I don’t know how to fully explain this feeling.I’m certain that I’m going to die soon. Actually I’ve been taking antidepressants on and off (SSRI) and I would take 5 mg for days then switch to ten, then not take it for some days really depending on my moods. Honestly, I got very paranoid I felt like taking them would change me completely and make me an idiot for the rest of my life. I also had some very troubling thoughts about burning myself it was almost as if I was obsessing over the idea of doing it . I wanted to burn myself to […]
My family always called me a glow stick because I shine to them with my fake smile, I don’t need your pity when my life sucks ass? and I’m in love with a Taurus male. It’s important I’ve known him for so long and we both love each other in a romantic relationship way. So we are kinda just really close friends. My friends probably know who this is already I know too. But what do they really know about me? I don’t even know myself or who I am.. all I know is for a fact I love him, he loves me. It’s started […]
I hate even talking about it because I am scared I will convince others to feel the same as me. My thinking is wrong I guess so don’t follow me. I am 27 now I’ll be 28 soon. I grew up being hopeful so hopeful and happy like I had the world I could go anywhere I had the feeling like things will go up and I still have things to do.
I was listening to music from 2011 not even sad music and I just started sobbing. I remembered how happy I was I really think I was so happy then. But each year after […]
what if he finds me? what if he hunts me down again? what if he’s still watching me?
i can’t shake the feeling. i haven’t been able to ever since the abuse started.
i can still feel it. on the back of my neck. i never feel safe. he continues to have a suffocating grip on me even after i mustered up the courage to get as far away from him as possible. listen to the fbi. lock everything down. deactivate all my social media accounts, lock my phone number, get my school e-mail changed.
but he’s still here. he’s left an impression of himself, it’s seared into […]
I’ve fought so hard for this. My whole life, I’ve never been able to feel positive emotions . I can remember some memories from when I truly felt joy, when I used to hang out with some friends but nothing more than that. I’ve spent hours days trying to dig up some happy memories but nothing. I’m nothing more than an abused child, nothing more than my past. I wanna be able to feel something, anything. All I can think about nonstop is how to hurt myself. I’ve thought about burning myself to death, cutting a finger, breaking a leg. Some very violent ideas are […]
when i was younger, in those loud and chaotic group homes, in those uncaring public schools, i could easily self-soothe without worrying. no one cared. i could repeatedly bash my head into the concrete or the doorway or the metal support beam in the handicapped stall. as long as i left the classroom or main room i could make those noises in the back of my throat. i could hit or slap myself loudly, i could break my shit, rip things apart, snap my whittling projects into pieces.
then in my last home, behavior was strictly monitored, loud outbursts were not allowed. when i was […]
so i got thru the Ordeal™ of my partner’s birthday party and then their actual birthday. still healing from my freakout on the day of the party (legs all fucked up, can’t do most of my stretches rn), but that was an expected side effect. less expected side effect: started drinking again, despite the cals. dunno how long i’ll get to keep it before the weight shit outweighs the benefit.
took some selfies for the first time since 2020. considering posting one here like ElleInWi did.
Hey my friends ! I really wanna know how everybody’s doing. What’s something that made you laugh this past week? Did you run into an old acquaintance? How is life right now ?
I think i might suffer from ptsd And my relationship with my father is pretty bad. We’ve never been really close especially after some events that happened in my childhood. Long story short, verbal and physical abuse. He even used to beat my cat. At best, he would totally ignore my existence, greeting everyone on the table except me, at worst call me a dog in front of guests, whispering that i was digusting. I was pretty badly beaten by my sibling n he n my mum would make me apologize everytime that happened. It was pretty rough man. Sometimes i wonder how i made […]