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Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

I want to kill myself

by eeyore
written by eeyore

i don’t wanna deal with anything once again my father is relying on me to do his responsibilities I’m out here figuring out insurance shit I don’t even know what provider is supposed to be or what deductible is

he always gets mad at me for not knowing stuff no one ever taught me. As if a freaking dove is gonna whisper all the things I need to know in my ear.

my mom on the other hand is making me take religious classes and I don’t know she’s so harsh on me about it. I actually have cried everyday for the past two-ish weeks.

I always get […]

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Victim

by lonewolf23
written by lonewolf23

My mother could’ve and probably should’ve done something sooner. I know for a fact that things would’ve been better had she just acted sooner. My father was abusive and manipulative yet it took her 13 years to realize this. Either that or fear got the better of her judgement. I don’t hate my mom, I just hate her inaction and how things took so long to change. My teenage years along with some of my childhood years are so empty thanks to all the BS between my parents. I sometimes think I should’ve called the cops myself. But i couldn’t even do that back then […]

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Don’t think I’ll make it

by eeyore
written by eeyore

Theres this pain in my chest that reminds me that I probably never make it

I’ll never be able to “show my true colors” I’m not sure who I am. I don’t know what my favorite things r I never care and I don’t think anyone ever will either. Will I ever find out what my goals for life are and would I even be able to achieve them

I feel like I don’t want myself. It’s kinda like I have no faith or hope in myself

Ive been feeling really empty lately I can’t even cry I’m just empty I don’t sleep I don’t eat I don’t […]

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Remembering those who fight

by SilentVoices
written by SilentVoices

I remember the psychiatric wards.

I remember the ice cold floors in the morning, and walking barefoot to the unlockable bathrooms to take a piss. Rolling out of the beds in a drugged daze for the nurse to take my vitals.

”How are you feeling this morning?”

”Fine.”

I remember the series of emotions that flow through me as I process my situation again- for the 5th day in a row:

How long am I going to be here for?

Oh God, I can’t believe I’m (back) here. How the hell do I explain this to everyone? Am I crazy? Does anyone even know I’m in here?

This isn’t so bad, right? […]

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by eeyore
written by eeyore

I love how my dad decides to be a father whenever he feels like it

He expects me to take care of his family, problem is I can’t even take care of myself

he just ignores the fact that he has responsibilities and just shitting mad at me for not doing his shit and doesn’t think that what he’s doing is wrong. He never admits that he’s wrong.

I feel like my mom loves him out of fear if that makes sense she would never have the courage to leave him

we just got a new baby sister and my dad made me spend the hospital nights with my […]

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Asking For Help

by tryingtostayanonymous
written by tryingtostayanonymous

The other day I told my sister about my suicidal thoughts, but she seemed sort of dismissive. I haven’t tried to act on them yet, and I don’t think I’m going to any time soon. But it was really difficult to tell her and it was sort of a cry for help. Like I said, I don’t really have plans to act on them, but sometimes I get into a really scary headspace where I’m really close, and I just want to stop feeling like this. I don’t think I could go to anyone else, and I can’t imagine trying to tell her again… Have you […]

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The worst year

by The Wrong Boy
written by The Wrong Boy

So….man,that wont to be a good year,it’s not just for me but for everyone here in the blog,i know it has persons with more problems than me or we but i just don’t like to have these problems,my life is just a sadness history with so many pain and depression….and that are not just words but feelings…MY feelings,and now my feelings are so sad….downed…btw,here…do you know Christmas?..Yeah,it’s what’s going to happen soon but now i already recived my gift AND i recived NOTHING….seriously,i just recived nothing,my 3 sisters just recived a fucking Tablet…..i don’t care about what they recived,but,man,i just need a good day,a good […]

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Punks

by lonewolf23
written by lonewolf23

I hope nobody hurts my mom. She drives for Uber and she makes some nice money doing it. I just hope none of these butt-hurt taxi cab drivers do anything stupid that’ll piss me off. I understand that Uber and Lyft is kicking taxi bumpers left and right but there’s no need for these taxi drivers to take out their frustrations on my mom who isn’t trying to hurt anyone.  She’s just trying to make a living just like they are. My mom tells me stories about how taxi drivers ***** and complain to her about how they ain’t getting as many customers as before […]

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I think it’s time

by soundless scream
written by soundless scream

I had hoped to recieve a response from anyone that might be able to relate to my feelings of hopelessness or could share their experience as it related to mine. But I didn’t and I guess that’s alright. I figure you come into this horrid world alone, you walk through it alone, and I should expect to exit it the same. I know my husband will be devasted in every way humanely possible when I die because it will be him that most likely will discover my remains. I’m currently trying to figure out where in my home to do this. I’ve decided that I […]

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When I was Gay…

by lunachild
written by lunachild

When I was four

My mom would squeeze me into a suffocating dress

With ruffles that would make me itch

Like pins and needles jabbing from every stitch

Until I ripped it off without a sigh

While a tear rolled down my eye

 

When I was seven

My mom would paint my nails

Colors of a blooming flower

And for that hour

She would restrain my small hand

Becoming as rough as the sand

Until it became dislocated limb

One I could never put back in

 

When I was nine

My mom would make me play with Daisy

She would give me a death stare and act crazy

Since I took a while to pick up the Barbie […]

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That time of year

by dietcigarette
written by dietcigarette

I feel like I’m going to implode if I don’t get this out somewhere. Here feels like the safest place. It’s gonna be kinda long, and a heads up for mentions of self harm and disordered eating, I guess.

Lately I’ve been preparing myself for what I’m calling my families own civil war. It’s been creeping up on us the past few years and this year is the year when everything is going to go to shit. My brother is likely being placed into foster care, my dad needs to move but everywhere is far too expensive, my grandma is dying and her medical bills are […]

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I was already bad, and then he died

by SunshinesBlackhole
written by SunshinesBlackhole

So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.

I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.

I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.

I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my […]

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there might be hope

by lovvely
written by lovvely

note: This is very important. I want to share this and show that hope does exist.

 

so, hi.

Again, all of the sweet comments, were as my name says, lovely.

Thanks to the people who were concerned about how I’m being treated by others, and also the people who said they had also experienced depression or anxiety. It was very reassuring.

 

Today was shockingly a decent day, it’s not yet finished, and the night is yet to come, but maybe it’ll all turn out okay. Night is always the worst time for me, and probably the most difficult to get through. I try to sleep it off, but it almost […]

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What are you doing Chloé?

by Esty Deekay
written by Esty Deekay

Its 12.30pm on a Tuesday morning, people my age are at work or school doing something meaningful with their lives yet here am I: Lying on my bed with no intention to make today worth it. I don’ t even know how I found the strength to type this. I have a job interview in a couple of hours yet I am wondering if I should go. I feel like doing nothing. Nothing interests me anymore. I have lost my appetite, my eyes are swollen from crying everyday.

2017 was one hell of a year. I graduated from college, I turned 24, got my first car, […]

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being your illness

by onemorehour
written by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one […]

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who am I

by Drained-Blast
written by Drained-Blast

I’ve been around this project for a while but I did never have the energy to post, today’s am feeling bit better and that’s why I grabbed the opportunity to write.

I feel like having a whole population in my head, each person trying to make it theirs, looking from outside I have the best family and a prosperous future, but no one ever asked if I am really happy about it.

my parents ruined my life with their fucking ideal principles, : you should not do this, school before friends, school before hanging out, shcool school school and then school, ok I secured my future but […]

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Empty Promises

by AZSAM
written by AZSAM

If you believe in God, I want to know why.  I’ve tried, hard.  It all seems like lies and empty promises.  I’ve done what was asked.  I followed the rules.  Nothing good ever happens.  The love of my life just walked away after 2 years.  I’ll never get over her.  She’s not perfect but sure as hell was perfect for me.  In every way.  For 2 years, I prayed, cried, kicked and screamed.  I begged God to find a way to put us together for forever.  Ultimately she decided God didn’t want us to be together.  What!?!?  He never talked to me about it.  Church […]

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Disorganized thoughts

by RiloMor
written by RiloMor

 

It’s not like I haven’t tried to speak my mind to, tell someone. In fact I have been hospitalized for my depression, 7 day lock up with medication and a councilor to ‘talk about it.’ But why did they believe me when I told them it was because of some random girl making fun of me for being gay and trans-masculine. I don’t know why I’m depressed, or why I panic when I’m near people or feel the need to just scream for no reason. Why did they think it was another person hating me when I was hating myself for not knowing why I […]

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Expectation

by My Name Is
written by My Name Is

I have a 4.2 GPA. I am on the varsity swim team. I am an honors student right now and there’s not a single class that I’m taking that isn’t advanced. I have a good amount of friends and my teachers like me. I live in a good stable family it looks like with two parents that are still together along with a brother and a sister. My family can afford to go to the beach in the summer for the weekend and allow me and my siblings to have out own rooms. I have a seasonal job that paid really good this year and […]

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