For general topics related to the site.
Just got my desktop to work again, though it’s not at 100%, but the point is I’m starting to feel a bit less disconnected, that sort of scared that I might have to do without long term.
it’s like I always say; little steps. Make a bit of progress, be satisfied with it. The second part is the one I’m still working on
Very profound and heartbreaking video. Definitely check it out!
This is why stuff like “thinking positive” doesn’t work on a lot of ppl.
If you’ve been abused/neglected/etc it goes way beyond just “thinking happy thoughts.”
Also, a commenter made a great point:
“It’s sad and everyone understands when it’s a child, but these same children become adults and people just expect them to be fully functioning and well-developed. There is no compassion then.”
EXACTLY.
We are just blamed and told to just “suck it up” and “forget about the past” and “just move on.” Anyone who’s ever been abused knows it’s not easy to just […]
Who would of thought that id randomly apply for a job and actually get it. Not only am i doing great, ive had three managers pull me aside and tell me that they want to start training me to have a position equivalent to theirs. I actually made the steps to be legit and get my drivers license too. Im not sure if im manic or something (im schitzoaffective) but i dont want to sink into another depression.
Came across this on reddit.
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“In my opinion this is why our smartest individual often suffer from crippling addictions.
The difference between “smart” and “dumb” is usually just focus with a sprinkling of aptitude. “smart” people focus more on their tasks for longer, but i dont think thats always a choice. Often “smart” people are frankly obsessed with whatever it is they are doing, to an unhealthy degree, and not by choice. Some minds just always need that level of stimulus, and for them i think the only way to ever actually rest in a lot of ways is to numb with substances. In […]
I know we don’t talk methods, but this here is a method that doesn’t kill, it just…. relocates. So my body is going to be all hell to try and kill. Lots of people are attached to it/would get upset if it wasn’t alive anymore.
I had this idea a few decades ago, but I didn’t have all the code for it. The idea of metacognition is to reprogram your own brain, and finally with a BS in psychology and computer science, I think I might just manage it.
The idea is to lift the back wall. Escape sanity, not life. I was just reviewing my music […]
The main reason why I write here anymore is because I just want to put my thoughts down. Maybe it is disrespectful to the other people here who have problems greater than mine. I look back on it and realized I had a real nice life. A lot of it I felt suicidal, but thinking about it now I can’t find the reasons why. I know other people on here have legit reasons for their desire to die. Legit suffering. Maybe looking back on it I never had that. It was always good and I was too stupid […]
I should be working. Instead I’m lying in bed, wallowing in my despair. I need to work because…? I remember, I need money to survive. And I need to survive because…? The answer to that one is fucking complicated.
Why would killing myself not be the reasonable choice? I’m alone. I spend each day and each night alone. And I’m likely to always be alone, to some extent. Even if I somehow made a lot of money, and sorted out all the material issues in my life, I’d still be left with the chronic inability to connect to other people. Even if I’m with someone, I’ll […]
How do you know if you’re “crazy” by societal standards?
I have some medical issues that affect me on a day to day and sometimes, I hear my parents calling my name when they’re nowhere near me. I pass out a fair bit when laying down and dream about random nonsense and I guess some people I knew from the before times. Random songs I’d heard before play in my head at random and I’d like it very much to stop. I flip back and forth between okay and not okay, and I’m always stressed about money shit. I need help but I’m in […]
I want to go home and sleep. I don’t want to bother with these thoughts anymore. Knowing I’m undeserving of any friends or my partners love/affection. Despite what they say I cant help but wonder if they(partner) would be better off without me around. Like everyone else. But I don’t know. My mind won’t let me think otherwise – I really have nothing to combat those thoughts. I’m just a pathetic little failure.
It’s my bio. dads birthday today. I can’t help but wonder how fucking disappointed he is in me. Not that he’s said anything directly, half the time he barely says anything […]
Most people are damaged. That sucks.
a small part of me is happy that my anxiety was vindicated, hit a snag in the Desktop work… now I don’t have it, spent a whole day working my butt off, and nothing, not yet anyway. I’m not saying it’s a lost cause, just more than I can take on, and it hurts.
Which is that hollowed out feeling. I feel like a Jack=O-Lantern, outwardly I don’t look too bad. Inside….. rot, deep and expanding rot. I keep smiling because I know the time will come soon that I can’t. I keep working because I know my capacity is waning. It feels literally like I’m […]
Eternal Hell
Is just living
Having to Exist
Wishing you didnt have to be here
Disgusted everybody
Im a monster
That deserves to die
Taking secrets to the grave
Made mistakes i wish i didnt make
Now im defined by my problems
Not strong enough to solve them
Fading away slowly
Time only endures the pain
One final day, It can all fade away
Until the pain ends, the only way i know out
Into the darkness, i will finally Escape
I’m so bored and tired of suffering. What about you.
Would you rather have one superpower (telepathy, teleporting, flying, etc) OR be very happy?
Did they get you to hate
Did they destroy your faith
Did they break your heart
Tear your world apart
Are you running scared and alone
Are you without any place to call home
Are you coming apart at the seams
Are you disconnected
Did they break you down to nothing
Are the nails already in your coffin
The War
Did they shoot your heroes down
Turn your hope into doubt
Did they trample all of your dreams
Take away your means
Are you living in your own hell
Are you without a soul to tell
Are you screaming at a wall
Are you disconnected
Did they break you down […]
I’m scared and hurt. I’m tired, too.
More than that, I’m a coward. And I’m weak. I don’t have the right to feel scared, tired, and hurt. I am the cause of my own problems— all of this is in my head. I KNOW it’s in my head.
And on a rational level, I know, I KNOW that at least a part of this isn’t my fault. I’m not well. There is something WRONG with me, wrong with my BRAIN— but how much is actual physical illness in my mind, and how much is me using that as an excuse to be lazy? To not […]
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/202208/the-dark-side-of-staying-positive?fbclid=IwAR1TGzZbDUhV6x1Ti1_qpZM_35I-lb4fNLLlDN6XpRpReEJbuelQnC2yz1g
Today in particular is bad. I dont know when it started. For the past month more or less I’ve been having nightmares almost every day. And I’m stressed out about my school work. I have so much work to do.
I even had a nightmare today. The only thing I remember is that I had cancer, so I didn’t have any hair.
I’ve been going out and meeting people. Well not really meeting people, just walking up and talking for a short while. I guess it’s better than nothing. I wanted to get to know more people. I do. I met a very beautiful girl just before […]
I’m losing hope for myself and this world. Why is it only constant battles? Constant suffering? What is even the point of me continuing to wake up and live through another day?… I’m really tired of hurting. I’m starting to have a very bitter outlook on people and the world, it doesn’t help anything and I’m just as much scum as anything else…
My mom finally told me some things today, about our family on her side. Her bio. mom has ruined everything with mom’s family out of state, and now all they do is fight and guilt trip and play the blame game. They drag […]
Did you know Garfield was in fact a cynical cash grab on behalf of it’s creator? well now you do, he was an ad man and figured out that he could create a character people relate to by making it a cat who hates mondays.
On an only slightly more cheerful note, there’s a song called “I don’t like Mondays” that was released by the band Boomtown Rats. It tells the story of a young girl who decided to walk into her former school and did a mass shooting. When asked why she did what she did, she said; “I don’t like Mondays, I wanna shoot […]
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