General

Everywhere I go I feel like everyone is watching me. Its embarrassing going anywhere the way I am, I hate my body and I want to change it but I always fuck it up. I hate going to work looking the way I do, its so embarrassing. That’s not the only thing though, I look around and see all these people who have friends and a life, and I wonder why I can’t just be normal like them. Why is it so hard for me to just do normal things? I have completely fucked my life over in every way and I don’t think I […]

I’ve lost everything, or at least it feels like it. I’ve spent the last year in a relationship in which neither of us knew how to love one another. Consequently, I spent a lot of it being screamed at. I’ve just recently ended it and despite this being for the greater good I now feel truly alone, more so then I ever have before. All my friends either have moved on or have bigger aspects of their lives to tend to. Even if they didn’t, I feel so weak and sick whenever I even give a hint of an honest detail of how I feel […]

Lately ive joined a discord server. Lately ive started calorie counting. Well as good as i can, if my husband caught me using measuing cups for everything im sure hed have something to say.

I had a little over 1000 yesterday, and that i feel was too much. I binged after fasting. I shouldnt have eaten. Ill never look right if i keep eating expecially if i keep eating like that.

I cant wait until i move. Ill be alone often enough that i can do what i want without question. Go for a jog when i want. Itll be ok. Once i move i can do […]

One upshot of being unable to work due to depression is that it gives quite a bit of perspective on decisions I’ve made. I was to focus in on the last one, the one that led to me being in this mess.

It was May 2021, and my health was circling the drain. I wanted to ride it down, because due to ADA and my insurance plan being disabled was a better option than being employed. I let my wife and parents talk me into walking out when it had only half broken me.

Fast forward to today; suicide hotline guy verifies that my supervisor was trying […]

My boyfriend has seen my healed scars but when he asked what they were from I lied. I’m 27 days clean and I think I want to tell him but I’m so scared about what he’ll think. Any tips for telling people about self harm?

I am not sure if there is a part of me that wanted to feel an urge to live as things get closer, but so far I have not.  The important thing is I am living up to the promises I have made to myself.

a sheet of metal under the skin. limbs freezing up, words disappearing quickly into nothing, sometimes I don’t know if i was truly traumatized, or was I acting it out? the only audience ever in the room, the everlasting presence of a woman sobbing under the bed, anything else other than that I don’t remember.

As soon as possible, as soon as possible, a dead young person equalizes to a failed investment, the quicker you pull away the better. A steady decline without bumps, the image, tainted blue, purple, red, brown, on cold pressed watercolor pads, a locked room. On and on, then every story merges […]

Not that thats anything new,

Anyway

I wish I knew why. I wish I understood.

I dont want to talk about it. I hate talking about it, but its been bothering me.

Sometimes I hate being touched. It makes my stomach upset. But I dont say anything. He even asked if I was ok and I said I was fine. I blatantly lied. I wanted to say no, but I couldnt. I didnt…

I just want to go…
I just want to go ..
I just want to go………
Always miserable.

Is it stupid to commit suicide over someone? Like someone you can’t live without. For the most part have all the family and friends in the world that I could need. But there’s a part of me that is empty without this person. I’m incomplete without them. I’m alone without that person. The emptiness is no longer there with I’m with her but she’s gone and feel like I should go too.

I now kind of know what it’s like to be haunted by an event. I can’t stop mentally reliving the moment that my cat died. Every time I lay down, or just have a moment without much outside distraction I find myself remembering what it felt like when she died, and what her dead body felt like in my arms. at least this hasn’t gotten into my dreams yet, or if it has I haven’t remembered them I hope that doesn’t happen. Not that I’ve been able to sleep very well, with the constant memories of this event and the not having a sheet and […]

Not suicide related

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING (sexual abuse)

Around 2 years ago I met this guy at a beauty salon who acted in a creepy way and did creepy things.
(Creepy things like grabbing me and kissing my lips and touching my face. He also looked down my dress and asked if my breasts were real after looking at my bra down my dress). I felt like a whore afterwards 🙁
(I bet he only asked this as an excuse to look down my dress, nobody could be that stupid, my breasts don’t look fake at all, nor have I had surgery there).

Reviews on Google also […]