General

When it comes down to it, I think a lot of my issues stem from a fundamentally deficient mindset. The vast majority of people would’ve been able to deal with the circumstances I grew up in just fine. I was dealt a perfectly decent hand of cards. I just wasn’t granted the capacity to appreciate them. I wasn’t able to accept or find meaning in a world where I was seen as less than or inferior. I wasn’t ok with being average. And so I refused to play the part, and make the necessary effort to remain average. I became sub-standard. I didn’t value the […]

I was raped once by an ex who stalked me vehemently and waited for me outside my uni accom on New Year’s before he raped me thrice.

From that, I got PTSD, mad depression and my Law degree has suffered so badly.

Last week, my Airbnb host potentially spiked my drink and I don’t know if he did anything to me while I blacked out. Had to get a police report and fund my travel to the other end of the next town to even get a Forensics Rape Kit. They can’t help me. I sold my bags to afford the fare.

My uni won’t let me resit […]

I was 11 when that album came out but I was probably 12 by the time I first heard it.

I’ve mellowed a lot since then, but man that album is so beautiful.  I wasn’t suicidal when I was 12, but I did wish I was dead or didn’t exist a lot.  This album was the first time I ever realized other people felt that way, too.

My favorite song was “The Becoming”.

The me that you know he used to have feelings

But the blood has stopped pumping and he’s left to decay.

The me that you know is now made up of wires

And even when I’m right with […]

Hi to anyone reading. First time here and I like to see it as some sort of sign, to know people like me exist. Constantly feeling alone. I’ve only been to therapy once and ever since then I feel like I’ve left a part of myself in that dreaded room. I have no real direction – a purpose to keep moving forward. I only have my hobbies and very few people in my life that keep me sane. However, the societal pressure to have financial goals, status, etc…it’s not for me. It never has and I’m afraid it never will. I would rather be in […]

Next time a guy does that to me, im legit sending out a postcard that simply says “sup?” Lol does not take u 96hrs to respond to my paragraph with an “ok”.

For so many different reasons…..

Im better off single.

war-chester-shire sauce is how i will always say it

I miss those days. Wish i could re do it all to see if she would grow up to be someone diff than what she is now.

My teenage daughter is driving me nuts. Its bad enough i have a tempermental 10yr old autistic son and 1 hyped up 7yrold. But i foolishly assumed my daughter would be the easiest 1 because of how independent she is. Nope, sadly mistaken. Shes in a confused state where she wants to be a guy but says shes a non binary lesbian but then gets offended when people call her my son cuz she looks like a boy. And then she doesnt care about her looks or how much she smells. I gotta demand and yell at her to take a shower n brush her […]

I need to keep going. I need to have faith in myself. I can change and I will. There is nothing I can’t do and definitely nothing that can stop me. This life is worth living for the simple fact that I want to see myself improve. I will die some day by old age anyways, so why not stick around and experience the bad with the good? Love my girlfriend, prove people wrong, make something out of myself. Sometimes, I think that I’m just too sensitive and overreacting. Maybe I am, but it’s not my fault I am like this. I need to adapt […]

Oi. Top of the evening to you. My reasons for needing to die are many and varied. For one, being a trans girl is a living hell all in its own right. As a trans woman, you get the monotonous curse of human ignorance. The majority of the world thinks that only 2 genders exist, and set society up to accommodate 2 genders. Yet cross gender conditions are very obviously manifest in the human realms. Being a third gender in a world infested with fucktards gits exasperating. then having to try to maneuver thru this three ring shit circus with heavy mental illness makes it […]

I haven’t been suicidal for around a year so far but I still can never shake the feeling of never feeling truly alive. It’s like I feel that no matter how okay things can get it’s always in my mind that it’s an eventuality that I will commit suicide. It’s like how some people think of their future and how they think they’re destined to become a doctor, but my mind just makes me think I’m destined to kill myself. It just makes everything kind of hard to do when it comes to mind.

It's a test page. Sorry

Who else has given up hope that they’ll “get better” or not be depressed anymore? After 40 years of suffering on this Earth, I don’t have any hope that “things will get better” or that “things will change” or that I will no longer be depressed and live happy. If it hasn’t happened after 40 fucking years, why would it suddenly change after year 50? Sigh.

Anyone else on this forever depressed boat?

Not suicide related
I ended up resolving the issue with my friend. Thanks for replying.

One of the taxi drivers I come across here is rather cute. He lives across the road from me. I went out to check the mail and noticed he was working on his car. Sometimes I think about going over there to say ‘hi’ but he would probably think I’m a creep. And there’s no reason to be trying to talk to him anyway. I can’t even bring myself to engage in conversation with him in the taxi whenever I end up getting one.

I think I should just […]