For general topics related to the site.
mental health go down
Hi.
I didn’t check on my post a few days after I uploaded it, so I didn’t reply to anyone.
I wanted to do so, so it wouldn’t look like I’m dead.
In the meanwhile I did try to commit, “first time” (I was anorexic in the past, I don’t know if it counts). I came out whole.
My dad beat me up a week ago.
I’m fine, my right leg twitched uncontrollably for a minute but now it’s gone. I’m not sure how I should feel about it though.
It started when they spilled ink on my table when I told them to leave me alone, […]
Ah yes, THIS.
https://www.cnbc.com/2021/01/22/new-wharton-study-people-are-happier-when-they-earn-more-money.html
I’m so tired of ppl shoveling “money isn’t important” to our faces.
—–
“Conventional wisdom suggests that “money can’t buy you happiness.” And well-known research from 2010 had shown that people tend to feel happier the more money they make only up until a point of about $75,000 a year.
But according to a new study out of University of Pennsylvania’s The Wharton School, people’s well-being rises with the amount of money they make, even beyond $75,000.
Money affords people autonomy to make choices about how they live their lives, Matthew Killingsworth, study author and senior fellow at Wharton, who studies human happiness, said in […]
“money isn’t important”
“money doesn’t bring you happiness”
blah blah blah
well being poor sure as f*** make happiness, peace, friendships, good health- all those things- damn near impossible.
-i’m sick and in constant pain- money would sure help in the health dept, as well as paying ppl for stuff i can’t do or have a hard time doing. or too fatigued or depressed to do
-i have shit neighbors that are so fucking noisy and i have zero peace- if i had money, i’d leave go and somewhere better. heck, at this point, i’m done with the US. i want to […]
This small safe place, this fragile platform I reside upon, held up by wobbly supports and stabilized with crutches, pull one out and see what happens, watch it collapse.
I’m trying to shut this one negative out without pulling down everything else with it. Splashing into that toxic swamp that is my past. I’m holding on.
I’m just trying to pretend I’m normal, not this thing I was mutated into.
Wow when did I become that woman in a relationship with a man who calls me
F*** F****** S**** B****
What happened? When did it happen?
How did I get here?
I feel like I’m drowning
I’m not upset
I’m just
In shock
How did I get here in my life?
What kind of person am I?
What is my future?
I quit my job at the end of December because i was being forced to work multiple positions that I wasn’t hired to do. I tried them out and decided it’s not for me. I hate feeling like i have to explain why i quit a job that i hated and wasnt appreciated at. I’ve been looking for jobs and going on every interview but can’t find anything worth while. I’m at a loss. I want to do something fulfilling and make decent money like everyone but it seems impossible.
I’m unsure about my relationship with my bf. He’s caring and sweet when it comes […]
When I was in the russian supermarket today, the happy disco music which my mother said, was from her youth, didn’t sound so happy to me. Frankly I wasn’t hearing it at all. I was spaced out. I couldn’t believe I was so deeply unhappy with my life and for how unkind people had been all my life towards me. I didn’t even know what I wanted. Cookies, coffee, cinnamon.? I want nothing. I just want these thoughts to stop.
For every friend talking to their important friends or posting something on instagram instead of talking to me. I’m just f*cking done. I was a long […]
****** im so sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry. im sorry for ******* *** **. please don’t get **** ** ******. i broke my promise to ******* ***. i couldn’t ******* **** either. im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry
why am i sorry
why am i apologizing
to the person who destroyed me
what the fuck is wrong with me?
you did unspeakable things to me. things i will never be able to forget or erase from this body. i still have the scars, your name included. i still have the wax burns.
i love you but i fucking hate your guts. you’ve taken everything from me yet […]
In the past 12 months I’ve attempted suicide 6 times. The most recent was last week. I failed at that just like I’ve failed at life. How big of a god damned fuck up do I have to be to fail at literally everything I do? I hate life, I hate myself, I want out.
Today, I went to a farm. It’s owned by a friend that I used to work with, and her wife. I went to discuss some personal issues. I’ve never really been that close with her, but she’s the type of person I felt I could open up to about having suicidal thoughts, and about my excessive drug use this past year. So I opened up, just a bit. She opened up about periods in her past, periods of extremely deep depression and suicidal thoughts. She talked about excessively drinking to deal with her pain during these times. I was surprised to hear this […]
I loath myself and the existence I am in. I don’t fit in. I’m hideous. I’m a loser. I try to help others, I try to learn what I do that makes people hate me so much. I’m just an outsider. I’m just a freak. I have so much rage and pain. I don’t know where it truly comes from. I don’t know why I can’t forgive the people who hurt me, even so many years later. Why do I obsess? Why was I even born?
ifuckign hate flashbacks i can feel everythign
he’s in my head he won’t leave he won’t leave he won’t leave
i can hear him yelling at me like he used to
i can see him smiling when I cry
****** please get out of my head please please please go away
i can’t stop crying im so scared
i don’tlike crying because he loved it when icried
but the tears won’t stop falling and i can feel the hallucinations starting to creep up […]
My doctor took my advice and put me on klonopin. Which is doing wonders for my anxiety which was all day every day. It doesn’t change my feeling of wanting to hang from the rafters. I don’t know exactly whats stopping me. I’m selfish and I know this because of my children. What is stopping me? I don’t know. Sorry for the ramble but F*** this!
I got new blades. These are razor blades. Before, the blades I used were just ripped from pencil sharpeners and they were pretty good at first, but got dull fast. I wanted more. I was having a sort of decent day, until I decided to go out and get these blades. I dont know why I did it. why did i do it. I put it to my skin, and I could immediately tell how sharp it was. I could see a small small drop of blood come out my skin just from touching it against my arm. im scared. fuck
i really relate to this song a lot and i just would like to share it
how to never stop being sad by dandelion hands
Time has proven
That fooling yourself into believing a lie
Is the most effective way
To deal with things you have no control over
Keep listening to the mixtapes they made you
Overanalyze every single word you hear
“Was this a sign that things were going wrong”
No no, you were the one that cared too hard, not them
Stay up every single night staring at your phone
Either attempting to gather up the courage
To turn these demons, these constant reminders
Of your […]
I called you. I called you, and you just asked if it was important, because you were busy. That’s why I decided I wouldn’t call again. It was important, I was looking for a lifeline, but I couldn’t say that, I couldn’t trouble you when you were busy. I had said my goodbyes, but not to you yet, I had a handful of OxyContin and an anti-nausea, I was checking out. I couldn’t bring myself to call the crisis line, I could text the crisis chat. You know what saved me? The stupidest thing; my fitness tracker watch. I walked and walked, there was a […]
I’m sorry if this post is just disconnected ramblings.
I love you, goodbye. So innocent and so powerful. You might say these words at the end of a phone call, or as you leave for work or school, a short term removal of someone you care about. You might say goodbye to a stranger you will never see again and it won’t affect you at all. But then there is goodbye to someone special, a goodbye that means losing a friend, or telling your dying grandma that you love her. That’s when goodbye is not such a simple thing. What about saying goodbye and not […]
NOT SUICIDE but still important
The spiders are coming back.
For the last two or three years, there have been these really awful spiders in my house, and they terrify me. Last year, I got crawled on multiple times, and I’ve gotten in trouble for the way I react/try to get rid of them.
I used fixatif once, and I’ve broken furniture, and I got so paranoid. They don’t like the light, so I started sleeping with my lights on. That was way too bright for me, though, so I started waiting for the sun to come up before I even layed down. I spent the entire summer […]
had a thought that no one would miss me if i died