General

I royally messed up last night. I haven’t had friends in awhile so I can mess things up so easily. I was so stressed cause if finals week my brain wasn’t working and I couldn’t stop going on and on to my house being totally unkept and ridiculous and made my roommate seem like she has all these secrets and she doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and she was upset but the kind upset and I talked to her about it and apologized and she also guessed who I had a crush on and it felt so patronizing cause she has […]

I have no sense of purpose. I’m struggling to understand the point of being alive. I’m lost. I’m afraid. I miss my mum who passed in 2019. I have no friends. I self sabotage. I’m my own worst enemy. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about ending my life. My headaches won’t stop. I feel so empty and worthless. I can’t do this no more.

I have no one to talk to.

“I’ve become so numb” 

Not suicide related

I’m full of hatred, inside. Of course, I just hide it.
Clearly my neighbours have decided to hate me for no reason. That’s probably why my neighbour hides in his car (these units aren’t very soundproof) and makes calls about… us (me and mum) to others??? Right???
My other neighbour occasionally throws stuff over our fence.
My other neighbour tends to play loud music at night and has loud gatherings.
One of the other neighbours was playing ball in a patch field of grass and said ball ended up our yard a few times.

Small towns, you know? Everyone can just talk crap about […]

i want it to end but i cant make it stop…

It happened again. It always happens. No matter what it always happens. The small parts of my mind that hold some tiny hope that things will be different are slowly dwindling. I fucked it up again. I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. Tired of being dead weight. Tired of being nothing. I will never be anything. My mind is screaming at me to go ahead and do it. Above all else I just feel sad and angry. Angry that I couldn’t be anything else. Why does it always happen. Why. […]

nothing will ever be good enough for you. im tired, but you dont see that, im depressed, but you dont ever ask me how im doing. im dying inside, but you cant see that. all i want to do is die, but even i did go through with it youd still find something wrong with me. i try every day to make you happy, but itll never happen.

I don’t want to live but I won’t kill myself at the moment

i want someone to hurt me. i want them to use me. i want them to make me hate myself. it could have been worse. i dont deserve the pain im in. its almost like i see it like a trophy. (not like a trophy but its the best analogy i can think of) i just feel like i wasnt hurt enough to be in the amount of “pain” im in. im overreacting. i just want to deserve my pain.

theres one person…..idk. theyve already hurt me….but im haunted by it every day. it could have been worse. it all could have been so much worse. […]

I’m asking myself why should I keep living.
Now I’m asking other users: Why do you keep living?

Thank you, God, for destroying my life. Or is that Satan? I can’t tell anymore. Amusingly shit hit the fan after taking antidepressants for 3 days back in March, after being pressured by my GP and others who don’t truthfully understand how my brain works. I was even told by my speech and language therapist, in a rude condescending tone, “THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO BE MEDICATED, YOU HAVE PTSD”. 

As if living with PTSD is an offence of something, that we can’t simply live as sick. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter if you have your happy moments, have all your receptors in tact […]