For general topics related to the site.
Sometimes I think about
Being an opposite gender
Or I want to love same gender
It will be less hurtfull I think
Category:
General
Dont feel sorry for me
Im already tainted and crooked
Dont feel sorry for me
Cause I finally choose what I want
Dont feel sorry for me
Cause i already feel all the sorry from myself
Dont feel sorry for me
We are not meant to be
Dont feel sorry for me
Dont feel sorry
Dont feel
Dont
ive been struggling so much just to get simple things done. what originally would take me 2 hours to finish went from 11pm to 5am. i can barely remember what i want to say, i can’t do my daily work without being affected anymore.but still i’m too scared to ask the teacher for an extension, i’ve lost hope on communicating to family or friends, i’ve tried my best to be normal, i really did, really, but the effort goes into nothing. i’m completely drained, completely burned out. i’ve sunk to the bottom, again. no matter how hard i work i just can’t get the things […]
I’ve been on other sites and it’s been a while since I last posted here. I accidentally met someone there and we’ve been in a relationship since the last two weeks. I know that I am happy, that I love him and that he loves me. He’s so sure of us. I’m also sure that I want to be with him but there’s one thing holding me back. I’m scared that I might break my promise and end my life before I can even see him.
I’m not gonna lie that the depression is still there. Yes I am happy but I’m barely getting up from […]
I wish I could afford a painless and easy exit.
5:30 AM. Been trying to sleep since 10 PM last night. Nothing works. Can’t drink – it fucks up my already fucked up gut. Can’t afford even cheap generic bourbon anyway. The prescription pain killers don’t work anymore. They just give me a headache. No where to turn. Backed into a corner by a world that’s become so corrupt, contemptible and immoral – not one shred of anything left worth breathing for
and it won’t stop
it just won’t stop
make it stop
MAKE IT FUCKING STOP
I feel like shit
Has anyone experienced a feeling of sadness and emptiness after working out?
I began working out because my university makes me cover some deportive credits; the first 2 weeks I felt a little bit more energetic and “happy” (more like I just didn’t feel sad) but after those weeks I have been feeling sad and have constant ideas of suicide, as if after workout I could jump off a bridge, is it normal?
Before my diagnosed depression I usually did exercise and felt anxious, but I just assumed that it was the anxiety that I have had since all my life, […]
Reasons To Kill Myself:
Fear of extreme suffering in future – imprisonment, violence, poverty, homelessness, accident, disability.
Ending my current emotional cycle of regret, despair, longing, guilt, shame, self-hatred, craving, & fear.
Ending the near constant low level physical discomfort.
Ridding the world of my stain, and preventing any future negative effects on others.
Reasons Not To:
Emotional devastation of family – my parents and sister.
Fear of the experience of dying.
Fear of something worse beyond death.
Attachment to fantasies of a future – love, contentment, peace etc.
Attachment to being in this world- memory, beauty, music.
Fear of making a mistake – that continuing to live could somehow be worthwhile.
Addiction to certain experiences and […]
What’s your standards of a perfect day? Is it the thought of a sunny afternoon but the breeze is cold and calm? Is it when you get to enjoy that day with the people whom you treasure most? Or is it just you and your solitude quietly aweing in everything that’s around you that would be considered as the things that you like?
In my life all I ever wanted was one good day. A day where I wouldn’t have to think so much about what happens next. I could be happy within this minute and feel completely different in the next. I prevent myself from […]
I didn’t expect that the earning I got after 4 years of writing stories and campaigns for videogame developing would be expend for my recovery with the uncertainty of my betterment.
Fuck… Got robbed… By my own weak-willed mind
dopamine gets me through,still im hitting the lowest of the lows
by evianwatre
written by evianwatre
escapism or whatever, i just need to feel loved or something positive so desperately. there are certain books and mangas have been giving me these beautiful dopamine rush. i forget about who i am, where i am, and i drawn in the pleasant sensation that goes from my arms to my stomach, my back.
it feels so good, well, but just like every time, when you go under the sun and return back everything just feels dimmer than they originally are.
i’m physically attached to it, when it comes, almost like an asmr tingle, i float up in the clouds.but i won’t always get them. for now they […]
I saw her clearly with my blurred two eyes… It fucking hurts… how the hell could she do nothing or act like nothing is happening infront of her eyes, to let me suffer like this?
Then, I told our debate adviser that I would be withdrawing from the debate as my psychiatrist had told me.
To add up to my depression, I didn’t do anything to help my council in preparing for the university days and I feel so awful and useless. However, I also felt good, I love how I could do things whenever I want or do things without giving much effort.
Also, I met with […]
It is extremely easy to get pay stub paper out of a local newspaper. However, how to have the paper where I live? Within this piece I will tell you a little bit on where to locate the papers.
You’ll find good schools in every city across the country.
My entire life, totaling twenty-two years at the point of writing this, I’ve never had a real aspiration. No dreams, at least if I did they were lost when I was young and my mind was still free. My father died when I was young, leaving behind no more than his story and the memories his loved ones had. He was very successful for himself. Having served his time in the Air Force to protect the ones he cared about, he attended college achieving a bachelors degree in computer science with only a single class that he had a grade lower than an eighty. His […]
This is hard. Being lonely hurts. I know in my heart I am loved but I cant sit alone. I am lost. Completely and utterly depressed. I am suppressed with emptiness. I am not content. I can’t stop this. This feeling is painful. I am so tired of this. I can’t survive only a day a week. It’s too much. This feeling is too much. I love you, but this is hard. For so long I have had someone. I never had to sit alone for nights on end. This was gone so quickly. It’s been months and I still can’t handle this. My loneliness […]
i was literally going crazy. my brain wouldnt shut up and i couldnt wait a month to see my doctor again. i made an appointment with my family doctor but thats not for a week. 2 days ago i stopped it myself and have emotionally felt better since. i hid what was happening for about a month. i didnt tell anyone not even my husband that i was going mentally insane. i decided the next time im put on medication ill have to start sharing my thoughts more. not so much what they are but what they are doing. to sit there and watch yourself […]
I was on here a few years ago. I was a lot younger then. I thought I had felt the worst of it… I was wrong. Life has not necessarily gotten worse. No, that not the case. It just that I get these moments. Moments where I can’t breathe or think or move because of thinking of the millions ways that I tucked up. From the things I say to the things I don’t or just my fucking thoughts. It takes over me and I can’t move. My worst fear is what others think of me. I know it’s not good, I’ve made sure of […]
Do you ever get tired of trying to explain your side of the story? The why that why this. I’m tired of trying to get my point across because I feel like it doesn’t even matter anymore. I’ll only dig a deeper hole into my grave. I’m tired of trying to explain myself whenever I get misinterpreted. Whenever someone misunderstand my point. It got to a stage where I’am physically, emotionally and mentally tired of what’s happening. Everything’s falling apart and me trying to speak out only makes the destruction go faster. It’s like calming a tornado. My chest hurts and tightens every […]
Someone at my school who I didn’t even know committed suicide and I didn’t think it would affect me but it is. It’s just dredging up feelings and thoughts that I’ve had personally and the person just reminds me of me which sounds attention-seeking I know. Anyway it’s weird because it’s really put a pall over my day and I can’t stop thinking about it even though other people have moved on and I don’t know how.