General

Cognitive Empathy vs. Emotional Empathy (verywellmind.com)

guess i can learn all this psych/social psych stuff i’m on my own, but i always need an audience..

in my case, the people at home are not suitable to have conversations with, period.

I feel like it’s the end of the world
Do you?
Have you noticed that time is going by faster than before?

and even as I type that I realize my anxiety comes out in unexpected ways. It’s a weird headspace I’m in about it, and I’m writing it down because chances are WHATEVER happens in the morning, I won’t remember what this felt like. Call it trauma, call it ADHD, I don’t care, big events wipe clear hours and sometimes days before they happen for me.

I took today for me, was feeling a little over manic yesterday. I did a ton of cleaning over the two days after I got the interview request, then I had nightmares about being instutitionalized. Maybe this thing I’m calling mania […]

I’m tired of being this. And I don’t think I have it in me to be anything else. I tell myself that I’m going to change, but I never actually do anything. Deep down, I don’t really believe anything is worth doing. I’ve ruined my life, and ruined my mind, and any changes at this point can only marginally delay the ship sinking.

all of it are social ills. i once thought that people committing suicide over words or bullying/harrassment had to be some form of narcissist. but narcissist doesn’t mean bad. in a way, it almost does. i guess bad just means killing people over it, i don’t know, like a school shooter. there was a recent shooting in iowa. but i hear about people who have done things like this and still, some people don’t condemn them. what i hate the most about society is our lack of forethought. i consider myself to be a considerate individual. i think people need to pay more attention to […]

We’re seven days into this new year, it would be erroneous of me to say that i haven’t been surrounded with love (happiness?). It feels good—it really does, but i can’t help feeling the way i do and i wish i could.

It always seems like i have so much to say, then i come here open a draft and despite having wished for it a few minutes before when i so desperately wanted for my head to go quiet and it didn’t, ironically now that i need it the most, my mind is completely silent.

I want to come here and let my words flow, write […]

you’re so jaded about life that nothing interests you or motivates you anymore?

There is no such thing as meritocracy- hard work and intelligence don’t get you anywhere or rewarded in this life. It’s all who you know and how much you bootlick.

It just demotivates you from doing anything because everything is either meaningless or unfair.

Few jobs pay well- at least the jobs you can get without having to go for another degree or go waste more money.

Jobs/Career/Corporations = all bullshit
People = disappointing.

Most humans are selfish, don’t actually care, and won’t have your back when you need it. Sure, it’s […]

Saw two posts here about midlife crises, and another about people talking about their life circumstances. 

Saw a book by this title that talked a lot about this stuff.  The misconception around midlife crises being a thing, and another about life circumstances making you happy. 

I also remember heartlessviking talking about how hearing about suicide might have made him more likely to commit it. the book addressed this and said while there was no study on the effect of this, there was no support of that claim either. actually, i also recommend that book to him, as he was interested in psychology. admirable book. 

I wish I could find help. I have no one I can talk to. Posting on here helps somewhat. But I want someone who can talk to me face-to-face and tell me that everything will be alright and that they’re here for me.

I can’t confide in my parents and I have no friends in real life. I used to have someone I could talk to, but I don’t think she wants anything to do with me.

I feel so lonely, isolated and depressed. It’s a relentless cycle and everyday it gets worse. For now, I still hold on because I have hope for […]

I’m still buzzing, it has been a day.

First thing I did today was go get my oil changed. I only had $75 for it, so I ended up opting for the discount package because it’s $50, but while they were getting ready to change it they broke the dipstick on my car. Then they offered to replace it and bump me up to the $90 oil change which is the one I really wanted. I had to wait a bit, but I count that as a win.

Then part of the reason I was being cheap at that was that I wanted to grab a coffee […]

This video gets it spot on.
And anyone wonders WHY ppl are so damn depressed and suicidal?
No pill from a psychiatrist is going to fix economic strife.

~1min

This YT short popped up on my feed. It’s so wholesome and shows how loving the father is, to do all this for his daughter. People like him are awesome. But I feel so sad when I watch videos like this. Or see this kind of stuff IRL. Same with loving mother-daughters I see when I’m outside. I feel so sad bc I never knew what parental love was, from EITHER my father or my mother. They were both horrible people, devoid of love and care.

Anyhow, enjoy this ‘wholesome’ video…
Oh how I wish I had anything close […]

Everyone is all “Happy New Year!” and shit, but how is a “new” year any different for some of us here? It’s the same ol’ bullshit crap life. -_-

How long have I wanted to leave this world? Ever since I was a child. But I am here. I don’t know why. Everything is hard, and everything is meaningless. What’s the point of getting back up again every time?

I’ve been constantly tired and in pain for the past two or three months. I know it’s not going to end soon. What can I even do about it?

Go to bed early, eat enough food, build relationships with other people… I try to make other people happy, but I’m not happy. I said that would be enough for me, but it’s […]

sometimes I’m going to look for something else, then I find stuff. Very few people in my real life would understand my connection to this song.

If it weren’t for my delusions I’d have nothing to believe. Damn you Haywood Banks, stop being so damn accurate about life

it’s only fair I share the song that convinced me that this guy is probably a pretty achievable goal for me to become

Damn I wish my hair would grey or go white, I’d look like a mash up between this guy and Leon Russell

Also feel it would only be fair to share what I was looking for, The Good […]

this is my baseline state. no one needs to interfere to regulate it. i’m disappointed. i’ve lost at my own game. i don’t accept it.
the one thing i do value to some extent is fairness. i don’t really dislike society at large, what i dislike is life. i dislike the fact that we are not born equal. i’ve been living my life ignoring my gifts because i don’t particularly like giving out the message that i have more than others, but i guess that is their burden to bear. people need to learn who they are and seek out their own advantage. it’s […]

I think if I could dissolve all the complex aspects of my life, of what I don’t get, of what I’m trying to, it’s this song. Roy Orbison was one of the most amazing human beings to walk this Earth. He endured so much tragedy, struggled so much, but by all reports was the sweetest person you could ever hope to meet. This was his last song, he died shortly after completing the music video.

and there’s just something in the quality of his voice. You know why it trembles like that? That vibratto is caused by his stage fright, yes even after decades performing he […]

Hi, back on the site, no plans to die but surely getting familiar feelings again. The more control I try to have the more…I don’t want to talk, there’s a sense that I’m back at the beginning of the loop. I’m a fucking nobody, I need to recognize that, no work or talent can transcend me into someone I’m not. I’ve tried to drop my past my memories but time hasn’t done it’s work I can’t live in depersonlization derealization. I’d rather feel alive and pathetically myself than to walk the earth a shell. No amount of explanation or excuses can make sense out of […]

Everything else in my life has fallen apart or is non-existent.

No love, No friendship, No Internal Peace, No External Peace,
Low in Health, Low in Money,
High in Pain, High in Depression.

Just wish I never fucking existed. FML. Just FML.