I did this, you can too.
The thing with Paranoid schizophrenia is that you can never tell what’s real and what’s fake and the voices tell you that the people are coming to get you or that people are talking about hurting you or if you don’t do what they say your family will be hurt you believe the voices because they seem so real sometimes you see things that seem real too they are sometimes dark figures or people the only thing that really helps me is to think about things I like or blog it
I wanna see it happening. To see that I’m not just a sad story. That it’s real. I want to feel alive. I want to feel that there’s something for me out there. Something that will make me keep on going, keep on moving forward. Like Charlie did. I want to have someone to love and to be loved back. I want to have someone that will like the real me. That can see me, see through my eyes without even asking what’s wrong with me. I want to feel that I can live. To live with much love and hope like Charlie did. Like […]
the one thing i literally cannot stand is when i try to reach out or vent or share my story people make it about themselves literally nothing can ever be about me i have to beg my parents to buy me things like food and soap and shoes and i have to beg them to take me to the doctor or get me school supplies if i ever reach out to people they start talking about their own shit and it’s really fucking invalidating and doesn’t help me at all nobody has lived my life nobody has been through the exact same situations i don’t […]
If you dont feel loved today
Or maybe yesterday
Or maybe since you are a kid
Try to believe
One day someone will find you as precious
Or love you more than theirself
And even give you her/his everything just to make you smile
Just wait until that times come
Even in your worst condition
Believe me
You will find someone who love you
He/she will love you
Just the worst you are
Just the bad you are
And just how you still breathing
He/she will trust you
He/she will love you
Another day. I made it. Everything’s as usual. Some things sucks but some are getting better. I’m just hoping that i would at some point would feel different than i was yesterday. Like a happy story in some books or movies. I’m trying to be like i’m not a sad story. I mean, there were moments that i felt that i succeeded but at the end of the day, all came back. When i lay down in bed, these thoughts and feelings haunt me. I didn’t know what to do. So here i am. Writing this and hoping that somewhere someone is feeling the same […]
Been thinking a lot lately. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own mind and my thoughts are just flowing and i can’t control it. I can’t even sleep till it’s 4 am. Why? Cos I’m not okay. I guess I’ve never been okay. I just pretend to be okay to feel that I’m okay. Fake it till you make it as they say. But how long? Cos no one dared to notice. No one sees me like really see me. But it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m okay.
I was watching a video of people answering this question and id wish someone would ask me this, but id like to answer anyways. Im smiling, breathing, laughing with everyone around. but how am I really when I wake up each morning and as I lie in my bed before going to sleep. with all the thoughts running through my mind.
im almost nineteen. as I get older each year I realize more and more that I don’t know what I actually want to do. I don’t know what my future holds or what ill end up doing. I have these goals and dreams, I want […]
It all feels blank most of the time. I am suicidal but i don’t plan or have a plan to kill myself, but the thoughts linger. I’m in the grey area, constantly In the grey area.
I don’t want a future, i don’t want to get a job and i don’t want to get out of bed each morning, i don’t want to brush my hair, i don’t want to eat. eat… eating is something that i haven’t done now for a few days. i have such disgust for my body and the numbers on the scale. i haven’t eaten and my body is so […]
It’s been 2 years since I broke free from the cage where depression and anxiety lingers that would make me want to be dead. Life was never been so carefree and easy for me. Imagine living in a home where everybody treats you like a lowly one. I was never everybody’s favorite. Even in just a petty thing like a fresh wound gotten from playing around with some of my friends in neighborhood, my mom could give me beating and then, pulls a butcher’s knife in her hands ready to kill my innocent self. It never came to my mind that it was a trauma […]
my boyfriend whom i adore, left me! because i was a little bit too much in love with him!
he can’t take it anymore so he left me with the worst scenario ever! he shouted and screamed while i literally begged him to listen to me, he said: you could commit suicide, you could get fucked for all i care, just get the fuck out of my life.
i can’t say how sad i was cause i wasn’t sad as much as shocked, not because of what he is saying to me, but because of the fact that there is a human in this world […]
I wonder what happened to the people who used to write on this site back on 2015..
are they still alive? are they doing better worst? are they still stuck as I am?
I used to write here about how lost and stuck I am, since 2013 till 2015 when I quite writing about my feeling and started to ignore them!
yeah the worst thing you could ever do..
and now i’m here again 2019 and YET nothing has changed for the better it’s even worst by every mean!
I still am the same depressed lost soul !
seeking help by anyone who could and […]
I hate this world.
This world is noisy. This world is so bright .This world stinks.
I want a world with no others, only with my family ,my loved ones .
What do the others know ? They know nothing about me .But they kept saying they understand me .Futile ,futil, so futile .
They speak beautiful lies that hurt my heart, and fill their satisfaction .
I hate it. From now on ,i will be all alone. I have my imaginary family. I will have a great pride that overcome all situations .Who do they think they are ?Acting almighty ? Thinking they are educated better? Stating […]
..two months into antidepressants and I am feeling so much better. I having a really good and fun time meeting new people and readjusting things I wasn’t comfortable with before. I am planning a trip overseas and I am genuinely EXCITED but….when is the other shoe going to drop?
I still have all of you at the back of my mind. I think of each person who is going through a struggle and posts here hoping someone will notice. I wish you all find the right combination of therapy and medication and get better.
I miss my friend Unknownsoldier. I haven’t heard from him in a while. […]
I told my psychologist how I get suicidal thoughts every night. She told me to keep busy but it’s a little more complicated than that. I can’t concentrate on anything I do even playing video games. I’m almost 18, I’m broke and lonely. But I do want to change. I want to start either flipping phones or an e-commerce business in a couple of months. I just need enough capital that’s why I’m waiting. I want to be a strong entrepreneur but my mental health is taking over. I have so many goals that I need to work on ASAP.
5 April 2019 11:23pm-12:01am
I just don’t know anymore. I’m not sure of anything in my life and I can’t trust anyone around me. I still can’t believe that you’re gone, I see you every single day and I don’t know whether that’s worse than not seeing you at all. I’m trying so damn hard to make it every day, and without you, I’m so lost all the time. It’s so awkward to hang out with our friends because they’re still friends with both of us. I know that I can’t keep lingering on this, its been 3 months, but did 2 years really mean nothing?
You knew […]
Hey,
Last 6 month were extremely stressful for my own experience, and a lot of fears or other worries of mine, have re-appeared.
I have started playing idiotic games on the computer in purpose of escaping reality. I have ditched my studies and fell down in the final exams.
In my own perspective the last experience was harsh enough to deduct my self esteem and many other aspects. Now I have to deal with the consequences and find solutions.
So what is my plan?
Well first – slowly accept the idea of harsh reality, and tough problems.
While doing the first step, I am also coping with my urges of “running […]
The night before March 15, I was so down to the point that negative thoughts have devoured me. It was painful, to be torn by two sides of which to choose. A part of me—the wounded one—have whispered me to go to the kitchen, took out a knife, and just end it all! The other one was crying, begging for me to stop. In the middle of the night, a potpourri of emotions swirled within me that I was left in a deep turmoil. Maybe that’s why I went to the kitchen and stood in front of the counter where the knives were hidden. I […]
I just wanted to write something.
Let off my thoughts. I grew up without a father and had to learn my place as a male in society. It took me a lot of failures to get anywhere beyond my starting point.
I guess it was easier for me to say I don’t belong, or to let go whenever I didn’t solve my problems
with the time passing, I’ve learned to accept more and more responsibility for my actions and, much more, for my dealing with struggles.
I had few traumatic events along my life, that left me to feel alone, and perhaps alienated from other social beings.
I had […]
Today was my birthday…
I honestly wanted to cry the whole time I was with my dad because yet again, he forgot about my birthday.
I do so much for him and I just feel like he doesn’t appreciate the things I do for him… It’s been hard for both of us because we aren’t close as we used to.
I shouldn’t feel down because I had friends and other family members sticking around saying ‘happy birthday’
I’m just glad I made it into another year… I just need to keep pushing myself and not give up like last time
Also, I wanna thank the person I adore…
Thank you for being there and […]
Is it wrong for me to think that people should commit suicide ..? I’m most definitely not for it as I have seen the difference it can make in a life. But … Have you ever put yourself in someone else’s shoes and just thought “Damn … It would be so much easier … Plus I’m not afraid of death… People should be more welcoming of it rather than afraid … But then again they have lived all their lives living it … So something different might nno be as good”
Idk … I’m just drinking here, laying down wirhaw life full of unaccomplished achievements right […]
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