Been thinking a lot lately. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own mind and my thoughts are just flowing and i can’t control it. I can’t even sleep till it’s 4 am. Why? Cos I’m not okay. I guess I’ve never been okay. I just pretend to be okay to feel that I’m okay. Fake it till you make it as they say. But how long? Cos no one dared to notice. No one sees me like really see me. But it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m okay.
Category:
Rants
She took a deep breath,
She counted to three,
A picture in her head,
Of who they wanted her to be.
They wanted her to be normal,
Happy and kind.
They never thought,
That this girl would be blind.
Not blind by meaning,
But blind in the heart.
Blinded by darkness,
Blinded by dark.
She walks around lifeless,
Her heart is beating but she feels dead.
A walking corpse.
She is lost inside her heart.
Things have no meaning,
At least not anymore.
She was not how she was once before.
She is one of the livings,
But one of the deads.
A part of her is missing.
She hangs […]
I lay here hopelessly upon my bed
where words seem to fall yet,
they never seem to leave my head
where I sit behind a colourless screen and constantly keep falling in and out of a bad dream.
The net I cast to set me free only ended up tying me up,
threatening to snap at the feel of a touch,
an emotion which is all controlled by the only constant friend,
who whispers in my ears and slowly cripples my self-esteem.
Is this the end?
It feels like I’m dying,
the comfort of my friends only seems to hurt me.
It hurts me to […]
I been feeling like nothing is real all the time lately, i never had any frens and was disliked by people for being too serious all my life. My attempts to improve ended up here. Been trying to form a relationship with a guy I met online but still haven’t met in person. He has stopped responding to me and i think i said something wrong somehow.
I’m stuck at a shitty 3rd shift manual labor job and too scared to quit.
I was watching a video of people answering this question and id wish someone would ask me this, but id like to answer anyways. Im smiling, breathing, laughing with everyone around. but how am I really when I wake up each morning and as I lie in my bed before going to sleep. with all the thoughts running through my mind.
im almost nineteen. as I get older each year I realize more and more that I don’t know what I actually want to do. I don’t know what my future holds or what ill end up doing. I have these goals and dreams, I want […]
‘Where are we, exactly?’
Simple inquiry but no answer.
So, let’s just keep distracting ourselves with whatever, in order to avoid being bewildered out of our wits by the reality of our existence. Let’s just live it out, goddamit. Study and work. Succeed and breed. Love and laugh. Enjoy the ride while we can. And this and that.
Wait, but that brings up another question- Why? Again, no answer.
So, let’s just fucking die. Or whatever.
Does the sadness ever end?
I’m so empty so weak and tired
Things probably never get better do they?
On the surface my life seems perfect. I have a job, a car, so called friends, and I’m about to finish my degree in finance.
Yet despite all this I still want to die.
Here’s why.
I guess the core trauma started when I was 7 and my parents got divorced. (there were many others)
Life before that was perfect and I distinctly remember my parents sitting me down
and telling me I have nothing to worry about and that they promise they won’t divorce.
They divorced the next day and my life spiraled out of control.
My dad turned into a religious nut and […]
If I showed my true colors, what would society think?
Would they laugh, show pity, or read the ink?
I’m exhausted from smiling every single day
When I know the pain won’t just go away.
Every night I cannot sleep
Because my thoughts run so deep.
They went out for a stroll
But got sucked into a black hole.
My focus is no longer there, anywhere.
I don’t know why I’m like this, I swear.
It seems like I’m just well-dressed.
That just means how much I’m stressed.
My friends all laugh and hang around.
You don’t need water to be drowned.
This darkness beneath consumes my mind.
It’s like I’m living […]
I know compared to what some of the other stuff people have said, this might be, “lame”, but I have been at such a low point in my life lately and I need somebody’s help. I hate it at home. I hate my family. If you’re wondering why, it’s because I feel like I can’t have a normal life. I live in a strict household, I never feel love no matter how much times my parents say it to me because their words are hollow to me. Actions speak louder than words, and I have been taken granted by everyone around me. Sometimes I feel […]
i’m 18 and i have a three year old, i still live with my parents for support but i can’t do it anymore. mentally. they’re constantly bringing me down. everyday they walk into the house i feel myself tense up. get frustrated. i can never say anything because they’re my support system. if i had a way out to make money some how i’d get out of here in a heart beat. i’ve even thought about killing myself it’s gotten that bad. but i can’t stand the thought of leaving my son in this hellhole with them. i have it so good here but what’s […]
i keep trying to wreck myself instead of killing it,i cut even tho i don’t consider myself a cutter, i smoke but im not a smoker either, and i fucking hate food, and now for the first time in my life i’m starting to pass out randomly. the thing is tha now im not doing anything particularly to trigger this. but what’s even more sick is that i feel proud, it’s like my plans are working and im slowly dying. most of the passing outs happened when i’m alone thankfully and i was in a place to rest and not fall. it was only once […]
Idk why I am posting. It’s not even really suicide related nor do I plan to.
i found this website out after trying to find tools to cut with more since I was getting bored with it (as sick as it sounds…) and found this website. Originally, I thought it was a dead website since the look of it looked like it was stuck in 2010 as well as the only post I saw dating to 2013. However, I saw the recent posts dating back to an hour. All my life I struggled with my identity, depression, anxiety as well as now my cutting addiction just […]
I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Everything is going wrong with my life right now and I feel nothing. Not anger, not sadness, nothing.
I just have this emptiness that I cannot fill. What’s funny is that people have been telling me that i look happier lately. Hilarious.
At this point I wish I was sad or angry. I wish I felt something. This enotionlessness scares me to no end. It makes me numb to things. I’m scared I will do something to myself.
I laugh it off and “smile though the pain” because I think if my body looks happy then I will […]
ive had enough, life hates me every fucking thing never worked for me. i wanted to get into a good uni, all my friends got in but me, i wanted a good major but now my major is stupid. i fight with my family about money and life is so fucking expensive i’d rather fucking die. i wanted to get a driving license but it got denied. i have to really beg for a ride even to uni and it fucking sucks . i dont think i really love anyone and the one person i love is too complicated and would leave any second. […]
i wonder alot why im still here. sure, i have friends, my family is ok, i love my cat. my life could be worse. so why do i complain about wanting to kill myself? i think im still valid, right? i was born a double whammy (technically triple), i was born with a cleft lip and palate, so my nose is assymetrical, and my teeth are all kinds of fucked up, and i cant breathe through my nose so my teeth are yellowish from having my mouth open all the time. plus i was born almost 10 pounds, and my parents and grandparents are pretty […]
Suicide is the routine. The balancing act. No one left behind hurts and mourns. The worlds move on.
Death is not news anymore. Life goes on. The value of existence is relative. Meaning of life is what one assigns it.
Winners live and breed. Losers bow out with dignity. All fair game. Humanity doesn’t need so many of its kind; only a few harbingers of the voyage into the future. Let their tribe increase. All the rest are dispensable.
They who know their role in the cosmic play (or lack thereof) are free to slip behind the curtains of being. The audience and the critics of society pay […]
Not sure what I’m hoping for, writing this. Just need to vent, I guess.
Basically, I’m just sick and tired of people in power going out of their way to cover up the fact that people like me exist. That is people who are unapologetically suicidal and can compellingly demonstrate that our desire to die is rational and justified.
Last year, my government ran yet another inquiry into a particular sub-area of the mental health crisis in our country. In my country, anyone can make a submission to most government inquiries, expressing their views, ect., and expect those submissions to be acknowledged by the government and published […]
hi, my name is milo.
i tend to hide my emotions and bottle them up until i break. everyday i force myself to get up and go to school and do what needs to be done. i’m okay throughout the day but as soon as i’m alone and it’s nighttime i breakdown. i cry myself to sleep everytime i realize that nothing is going to get better. i’ve been in the same spot for over 5 years now and nothing has changed. i was sexually assaulted by my ex-best friend, constantly being blamed for things that weren’t my fault, and my boyfriend of almost 2 years […]
I once decided to end my life at March 15. But then some things have turned upside down and I decided to live. But now, a month after that day, I decided to end my life too. Not now, I say, but soon. Soon. What I have in my mind is after my boyfriend and I’s anniversary, May 17. I just want to feel what it’s like to have a one year relationship. I just want to make him feel loved too, even for one last time. But if things goes out of planned, then maybe earlier. I just need to finish this school year, […]