I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I […]
My thoughts are so disjointed I can’t even write without losing what I’m trying to say but after all I still try anyway. Trying anyway, but trying is kind of pointless. Everyday I wake up and I try but everyone around me doesn’t understand anything I say I feel like I say so much and speaking is just sounds in anyway and words are all lies in the end. I don’t know. I get help, I got help, maybe I should get more, but I can’t get help because I can’t help myself, as I lie all the time like words are lies and I […]
The fact is no rational thought I have will be my own. It will be what I was told to say. If I say for example: “Life is worth living”, that is other people saying that. I don’t think that, I think life and people are terrible, and no one should of been born in this ball of hell.
August 21,
Today is the day where it all started.The day where my seemingly happy life started to shatter and fail miserably.Until the age of 17,I’ve only heard of depression but I’ve never experienced it.One year later,I’m heavily depressed and on the verge of suicide.It’s funny how life changes in just a matter of days.
One year of living with depression has taught me many things in life and it also taught me not to trust any Fuckin’ bastards and bitches.The pain may fade away,but you will carry the bruises until your very last breath.For a few weeks,I’ve been able to suppress my suicidal ideation for […]
School is starting soon.
I wasted my summer working to try to catch up to her.
She’s probably on vacation on some island somewhere, basking in the sun and blue waters.
I wasted my summer. On her. And she doesn’t even know.
I’m tired. Exhausted. Burnt out before I was even turned on.
I want to go back. To when I was 12 and I just wanted to die because I feared the future. Because I knew it would be bad and I would have responsibilities but I would never be enough and I would be stuck being insufficient but depended on.
And I was right.
I […]
I never got therapy like my parents said I would. I’m starting to cut (it’s not deep and looks more like scratches but I’ve never cut before). At least I stopped “drinking” antifreeze (I found out it was actually coolant because I’m so fucking stupid I can’t even hurt myself when I want too). Whenever I feel like shit I keep making plans for my suicide. So far I’ve chosen a date and time, a method, a place, and, today, my last words. I don’t know when or if I should talk to people about the root causes cause they really can’t do shit to […]
I’ve never posted here though I’ve thought about it before. Scrolling through the stories of those who seem down, heartbroken, or even suicidal… Today, I will finally post, as I once again feel misunderstood and left unheard.
I tried to kill myself Tuesday. My mind raced as I left work and went out to a spot I had pictured before, but not without stopping by my apartment for a knife that I wasn’t sure would complete the work – but at least enough to try. I had texted my therapist, who I wrote a short text, one she labelled cryptic, as my mind was made up […]
reality is boring , life is boring , it’s all about money , i hate money , i hate business , i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books
I hate reality , reality is boring !
I hate real life , real life is boring !
I hate real world , real world is boring !
I wish I live in movie / movies , I wish movies were real
I wish I live in video games , I wish games were real
I wish I live in novels , I wish novels were real
I wish I live in anime […]
Today I cut for the first time in almost one week. I thought I could do it. I thought I could be strong! I always think I’m gonna wind up able to be ok but I’m never really ok. I was mildly happy today and that’s a shock because i haven’t been even close to happy in god knows how long! I spent the day boating and drinking with friends but when I got home around 8:00 pm my depression got the best of me and I found myself with a blade in my hand cutting my thighs without remorse. I thought this would be […]
The title makes the theme pretty clear: I have buttloads of Social Anxiety, and it is a living Hell dealing with, ignoring, or confronting it on a daily, and sometimes, hourly basis. I have battled against it my whole memorable life, and I’ve had it up to here- *raises hand to tippy top of head* -with all the bullshit.
I had an amazing day today/yesterday, but all I can think about, all the thoughts I can conjure and obsess over are, “what if I fucked it up? What if the people I talked to and had coffee with in that wonderful, cozy cafe think I am […]
what does it all mean?
what’s the purpose of investing time in people & things if it could all be taken away in an instant?
People crave all the money in the world to fix their troubles yet some can’t be fixed with riches.
I wish it could all that simple, to let go of my troubles but it’s something that lives within me.
something that’s lived within me for quite some time and it’s slowly crumbling me into the gravel.
some people can fight it, others can’t, I’m trying to figure out where I fit into.
the more time passes the closer I get […]
Nobody can help me, including myself. That is a crushing feeling.
I really, desperately want to die. I want to murder this worthless male-thing that I am.
The pain is absolutely unbearable. To be completely helpless and hopeless, while at the same time not yet ready to jump.
People can’t relate and can’t say anything useful. ‘Oh, I’ve been there’. No you haven’t. ‘Oh it will get better’. NO IT WON’T! WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH HOLLOW STATEMENTS?! You have no fucking clue who I am, how can you say that it will get better?
This is what people always say. Family? I don’t talk to anyone from my […]
I started taking this drug my psychologists prescribed me. I was initially very hesitant to try it since she said my skin could fall off ? (though the chances of it happening were very low –and if I saw any rashes in my skin to immediately go to the ER and it would not get to that point). But I had a horrible episode a few days ago. I spoke with my boyfriend, Eric, about it. I told him how I felt and why I wasn’t so open with him. I told him that I didn’t want to stress him out or to see him […]
I am just going to describe my situation, thoughts and feelings here in arbitrary order:
-I am addicted to dimethyl ether(gas in hair spray cans) and media including porn.
-I just now realize how much damage this has caused. I fail at almost everything I try. (85% of the last 7 bigger things I tried)
-I was diagnosed with 3 different mental health issues.(ADD, PTSD, paranoid schizophrenia(here in Europe the chances of being employed with this alone is only around 15%(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15133589))
-I think I have lost a good chunk of my intelligence.(I once had a high IQ(well seems like I only now know what I have […]
If you’ve ever seen any of my previous posts on my chronic mental and emotional afflictions, then you must know this: that I am in pain; and, for most people- if not all- pain is something people hate. They most often turn to addiction or something essentially the same to hide or suppress their issue, whatever it may be.
I myself have had addiction issues before, and still struggle with an addiction to Pornography. That, and my depression and all around loneliness will be the topics I so boringly lay out before you all in this post today.
Since a very young age, I have been obsessed […]
So a lot has been going on in my life lately. I’ve dont what I always do to pick myself back up again but it hasent been working. I try sleeping away the pain. I try singing away the pain. I try painting away the pain. I try talking away the pain. Why now when I feel like I need to be happy more than ever can I not find any of it?! It sucks ighjjj
It’s taking a lot for me to write this. I’ve had so conjure up the will or energy to even post here again. I feel so hopeless right now. I just want to die already!
God it’s so hard. To think about the shit storm of pain I’ll leave behind. I hate myself for feeling like this. I think people would be sad for a while but at least they’d be able to move on finally and live their lives without having to worry about me or pay for my therapy or my school or anything . My mom could start to fix her marriage […]
I kinda realize recently how good it feels to bítch around letting off some steam, then a thought came up! people need to vent out more.
So i suggest you all to vent out all your frustration here, go crazy!
Write here all the shít you want to say, give me some juicy discussion.
Tell me how you suffer!
jealousy is such a fucking disgusting emotion. I just want to feel happy for other people and their accomplishments, because damn it, they’re good people. But I can’t help but feel terrible whenever I see someone else achieving an accomplishment, or getting something new or whatever it is.
I mean it’s so stupid to think that I’m getting upset over people getting material items, why do I feel so bad for people who get new stuff? I know that if I had said item or an item that could mean as much to me as it means to that other person, it wouldn’t make me any […]
Hello. How are you? im great, really. The only thing a gave a shit was my job and its not about losing a job, being single for years or depresion, just that finaly loosing after giving everything i could and… I changed. When i remeber stuff that used to give me stress or sadness now feels like a funny joke. I can feel emotional or phisical pain as pain, but it is just so funny to me. Feel so free and energetic, and for some reazon people are trying to help me? telling me bullcrap like ,,try finding someone to talk to” oh, and the […]