Can’t sleep, you know.?
I’m not thinking my thoughts, they do their own thing, you know.?
Do I really have to be there tomorrow.?
How much more leave of absence can my doctor prescribe.?
How many times is it okay to think about dying per day.?
Did I really say these awful things today and did they reply with more awfulness.?
Why did I hate my favorite person yesterday and why do I adore her today at Thanksgiving.?
Why do songs sound way more relatable than they used to.?
Gratitude is overrated, like many other optimistic/positive-thinking advices. Not everybody can do that. It’s unrealistic, and honestly full of BS (bullshit)
Gratitude has become today’s current hype which everyone seems to be doing, and even keep posting about it constantly on social media. Everywhere you see people always talk about gratitude (& with all other optimistic/positive stuff usually).
It becomes irritating however when gratitude is forced and shoved down our throats, as if everyone should (or must) do that. In reality, you can’t just force other people to keep showing gratitude constantly. Things happened, shits happened; problems, pain, & sufferings happen to some people, which is ridiculous […]
I was thinking about this topic, as a person with borderline personality disorder I’ve heard lots of relationships advice, and about self improvement and getting better before dating, and loving myself etc.
And honestly part of me sometimes still feels like I’m scamming people into getting attatched to me so they can suffer like it has happened and like how bpd stigma says it does.
And it makes sense in a way for a healthy dating environment that it’s in the best interest of everyone to date mentally healthy people, but there was this person I dated many years ago that I still think is the […]
Okay so I’m very sure I have add or adhd and either depression and/or anxiety but I can’t talk to anyone about it my friends and brother tell me to stop looking for attention and they just don’t know I’m trying to get help and I just wish that I could talk to someone, and I can’t talk to a therapist for some fucking stupid reason, and I feel like I would be better off killing myself because I am failing or getting shit grades in all of my classes. I live in Canada, and I have to take French immersion because my parent won’t […]
I’m a worn out friend. Old and worn out. Like my old shirt I’m not using anymore, just laying in my wardrobe. This is like clothes. You’re maybe tired of your old shirt you have been wearing for years so you decide to look for a new one, a better one. Maybe you’re throwing your old shirt away, or you feel like it may get useful someday so you just throw it in your wardrobe. It just ends up laying there forever until you one day decide to clean up and throw away old clothes you’re not using anymore. But when you finally find the […]
I used to want to be 16 so bad I had it all planned out I would get emancipated get a job have my own apartment drop out of school and get my ged and I thought then it would be better then maybe I won’t want to kill myself anymore.but the thing about my plans is that they never work. I thought that way since I was 10 and now I’m 16 only working on weekends with not enough time to get anywhere close to the kind of money I would need to move out but I also can’t stay with my mom or […]
All the different words that have been used to describe me, that all probably ultimately meant the same thing.
Only child, gifted kid, monster, autist, selfish *****, the third antichrist, failure to launch, abuser, victim, bad person, depressed, schizophrenic, vulnerable, girl, boy, “it”, manchild, loser, missed opportunity for abortion, narcissist, disappointment, try-hard, pretentious, stuck-up, too-good-for-this, holier-than-thou, hateful, ungrateful, creepy, rude, rageaholic, rapist, rape meat, DIPSHIT.
I tried to be a good person to make the pain stop. Everyone around me saw this goodness and assumed I was good due to being “fully self-actualized”, they assumed I had my shit together because, […]
I’m in high school, a senior. College applications are due soon, and every application I attempt makes me realize how bad I am at everything. I stress easily, and although I’ve never been professionally diagnosed, I’m sure I have some form of extreme anxiety. Because of this, I pull my eyelashes out. Literally. I have Trichotillomania, a symptom of stress that causes an individual to pull their hair out to cope. It’s weird, it’s disgusting, and I hate it. I’ve had it for years and tried to stop it, but each attempt ends in a devastating defeat. My bald, swollen eyelids don’t add to my […]
why is my love never good enough for you?
I let you fill my lungs and mind with toxins
and although
the excitement last a couple mins
your effects latch onto me like a mother breastfeeding her child
i love you so much
even though you assaulted me
and try to forcefully rip apart my heart
the moonlight is green tonight
everyone in the whole world is cheerful
I love you so much
if I don’t have you I’m going to pour gasoline and set myself ablaze
for without your love I can’t […]
I fucking hate high school. Everyday I watch couples walk down the hallway, hand-in-hand. I watch people laugh and play with their friends, while I sit in the corner sad and alone. I haven’t improved at all. I’m still a socially awkward weirdo with a god awful stutter. All the other kids that were shy in middle school have big friend groups and boy/girlfriends now. Me? I have nothing. I’m still the same lonely failure I was in middle school. I don’t know why I thought this year was going to be different. I did nothing to improve myself and now it’s too late […]
anywhere, far from here, far from humanity and where i can stay and create my own little bubble world
a world where i can see my friends, go on adventures, make food, do anything i can’t do right now
i had thought long ago that by now, i would be dead or would have some sort of fulfillment in life.. but now as i grow older, i become more unsure and tired.
i’m 18 in twelve days and i’m supposed to know what to do in this life.
am i supposed to end it? am i supposed to pick some random thing to study and take classes for in […]
The whole ordeal was a mistake. A horribly thought out, biased mistake that was never supposed to happen and how could I and WHY would I be so stupid?
I don’t understand why i’m doing this to myself but for some reason,
I can’t seem to stop.
I am so tired of being sad and tired. I do not want to be alive anymore, but I am stuck in this place of fear and guilt. i am scared to give up, as I worry about my grandparents and family’s reactions. I do not care about myself much anymore. I act like I do, but every act feels forced and I am exhausted. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I do not have any plans to commit, but I do wonder sometimes. I just want this pain to end. To live is to suffer, and the only way […]
There’s always something new.
What more can I say?
There’s just always something new.
And it’s never a good thing
Well really, I do want to say more than that, but I thought it sounded pretty neat. Speaking of the word neat, I always thought that it would rhyme with caveat. But those two words dont rhyme.
I’ve been kind of, “productive” these past few days. If you can call it that. Well, yeah, I guess it’s the right word, the problem is that everyone says it’s not good enough. They just go “Hey man, you seem fucking miserable and you need to eat more. Just […]
Do you ever dissociate on your couch at night and casually talk about suicide with your friends, though usually you keep it to yourself.?
Welp, I didn’t just spend a whole hour, writing a whole monologue on the matter of the meaning of life, nooo, I did not… This is going to be awkward tomorrow, I can tell. Not sure, if 50 deleted messages are worse though, seeing as I do that a lot, when I am hurt about something or think: Eh, it’s irrelevant (in a few hours) anyway (’cause my mood is like a pendulum of shit).
I think I’ll leave it. I don’t want […]
lmao for all of us “struggling with misotheism”
I didn’t suffer through a cult just to find this shit here, though. Jesus Christ. I’m back in college after taking a couple years off following the loss of my entire family to the cult I grew up in (praise the Lord!), and I’ve got a person in one of my classes who keeps making all of her comments about God and it’s really fucking with my head. 18 years of Sundays wasted and all I got was this stupid mental illness that convinces me that God had one of my closest friends assault and try to rape […]
I guess I should say things are sort of better now, in some ways. I heard from my partner again, so much has happened with them, I’m just so glad he’s okay, that he’s alive. I feel really guilty for a few things, but he ofc said it wasn’t my fault. They talk to me every day, check on me, tell me they love me, and they think I’m a good person. I haven’t heard anything of the sort for so long. Close to 2 years, I guess. I feel more okay with living now. I don’t think I’m worth it still, but I guess […]
Having a planet full of blossoming minds is so hard, when you want to be the one, to create something that’s new. Being mediocre is a lifetime goal, for some. I’ve always fallen out of the cookie cutter, which was meant to shape me into something worthwhile. Don’t touch me, I’m far from getting a smile plastered on with permanent icing. I’ve gripped the pencil, as I saw fit. I drew what scared me inside. Nobody can guess the emotion.
I said ‘good morning’ for the first time to the lady that runs behind me with her cup to ask for spare change every day on […]
the weird moments of me almost bursting into tears are happening again, i feel like someone is choking me. i wish this feeling would kill me. im in pain most of the day, i feel like im abusing my ibuprofen. i wonder how my liver is doing.
whats wrong with me this time? more loneliness? get over it you stupid little ****! people have it worse than me, people don’t have a loving brother either, hell, even family and friends. boo fucking hoo. im the most selfish person i’ve ever fucking met. there’s things like diseases, wars, and death happening in this world, and im focusing […]
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