Rants

i dont know why but i cant handle looking at myself. it makes me want to cry but i just cant. i seriously dont even know why this happens. i have a boyfriend but i know he could do so much better than me. i look at myself and i just want to disappear. my existence is embarrassing. i dont want to know what other people see. all of my friends are so pretty and i cant help but feel ugly.i dont even know if im ugly. i just want someone to tell me the truth. i dont want people to lie and […]

nobody actually understands my sadness. i hate it honestly. but then again, they haven’t been through what i’ve been through so of course they wouldn’t understand. 

another thought: would things actually be better if i jumped off a ledge? if i drowned myself? i would think so. but then again, when my aunt died, which was earlier this year, i kept having dreams of her being in pain knowing that she’s dead. what if i’m the same way when i  die? then committing suicide would be completely useless. am i going crazy? i feel like i am. maybe i’m living in a nightmare.

so like i completely forgot about this site for the past two years

with coming back and reminiscing, it’s kind felt like a fever dream

i posted poems that i had completely forgot i had written that could definitely use some revisions

this isn’t me typing out one of those “i’m back!!” posts but i kinda just wanted to share my thoughts; it’s not like anybody was awaiting my return however

i will say that i haven’t moved on from the whole poetry thing really; in fact i’ve been published a few times, one of the poems being one the one i’ve posted here

but anyways i’ve actually been doing […]