Getting into a fight at 1 am is a stupid idea. Stupid, stupid. Why am I so fragile. I need another friend. Maybe an old one. But that would bring its own set of problems. It would be selfish of me. Where is this open wound, no one can see anyway.? I think the week-stress hit me like a train now that I get to calm down on the weekend. I was really looking forward to this peaceful night. Guess dafuck not.
Category:
Rants
Hi. I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna be here. I feel like I cant even breathe anymore. The noise won’t stop, both around me and in my head. I feel like *insert method here* so fucking bad right now. Though I don’t know why that way specifically. Never thought I’d go that way. But I might. I can’t handle this anymore. They don’t listen and they don’t care. I don’t see any point in being alive right now. This is so repetitive. They all probably find me obnoxious. I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been trying to look for methods for […]
Hello again, I’m back after 4 years. I had to get back on here to help myself get back on track in life. I last posted in 2018 and primarily talked about the abuse I received from a classmate in my middle/high school. Now, I come back to you to talk about how the cycle continues. I have had an absolutely devastating year, I mean i’ve been miserable for all of college but it had really peaked this year. I moved back in with my family after I dropped out of university and ever since I moved in my life has been a living fucking […]
It’s my first time using something like this, but anything will do at this point. I feel like my voice is being enclosed and my vocal cords are shut down. I feel like I’m not enough everyday and have to live my life pretending to love those who could care less about me. Everyday I’m not enough, and every night I cry myself to sleep hoping for something different….for 7 years now, this feeling hasn’t gone away. I feel my body slowly becoming more and more numb each time I realize I’m not enough. My father was never around and my mother is too obsessed […]
I’ve tried my hardest to make myself the most expendable person ever, I’m a people pleaser so it wasn’t that hard, be nice enough so that people don’t hate you over anyone, but quiet enough so that they can’t quite put you into a category. At least thats what i try to convince myself. “You don’t have any close friends so that when you’re gone you won’t hurt as many people” “It’s good that they constantly forget about you, this is the plan, remember?”. My friends aren’t bad friends. I’m lucky they even give me the time of day. I’m a horrible person for wasting […]
Ive been in pain for as long as i can remember. Not just mentally or emotionally, but physically in pain. Everyone writes it off as me being dramatic, but ive been forcing myself to do things that should be simple for so long. Even getting out of bed is difficult for me. Im tired of feeling this way and i can’t see an end for it through anything else. I don’t know what method i plan on using yet, and honestly i don’t even care if its painless at this point, my threshold for physical pain is so high that the hedaches i get now […]
I’m pretty sure I’ll never have the balls to end me, even though I wish I did. I don’t see a way out. Life is just constant disappointment and suffering, and the main problem is that I’m a disappointment and an overall waste of oxygen. I can’t even remember the last time I had been happy, and I don’t see any chance to be going on; I only wake up in the morning to go to work, since it’s the only thing I don’t completely suck at, then I get home and stare at the ceiling. I just wish I had the courage to end […]
They want us to perform, but what if we can’t do that.? So many unsolved problems in life at once, so where does one start.? Always remaining selfish, due to being a neverending untangling mess of ourselves. Being sick but not quite enough, what’s that even.? Socializing seemed like a good idea, until facing a try and error. Regretting things I’ve said, hell, even the way I said them. I used to rest easy, now there seems to be a problem. The body aches for good reason. My mind’s like a winning race horse, it’s so draining. My hair is blue again but this time […]
I’m so bitter about my failed friendship. I thought I was doing it right. She called me her best friend. We used to text each other nearly every day. I even took her to homecoming. Then she just stopped talking to me and started hanging out with other people. I know I shouldn’t be so worked up about this since I still have one friend (for now) but I am. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really had friends, maybe it’s because I’m a retarded fag, maybe I’m just crazy. I think about her all the fucking time. Sometimes I want to kill her wish […]
(this is literally just a huge vent) i’m 14 and in 9th grade, i’ve been struggling with mental health since i was in 4th grade, i was abused physically and verbally in my childhood, everything had been shitty in my life really. in 3rd grade started watching what i ate, this didn’t last long but then once i was in 6th grade it came back, i’ve had an eating disorder ever since then and i’ve never weighed over 100 pounds, ever since i was a kid i was told how skinny i was and was constantly complimented about it, i feel like my body is […]
Whenever I do something potentially embarrassing or naive with good intentions I tell myself it’s just my angelskin so I can focus on the shame and embarrassment from just existing how I am normally, a lonely tranny neet autistic loser.
I just wanna be good and help. I wanna feel like I can do something good.
Never knowing when to get off. Missing the stop. Melodies on my ear. Don’t talk to me, I can’t hear. Not watching people, who are not watching me. My screen showing high definition, who needs reality.? Wearing a medical mask over my multiple other ones. More stackable than the bacteria that occupies my lungs. A beeping of a new sold ticket to hell. You’re one of us now, we don’t treat each other well. My bag holds my belongings, it deserves the rest it’s given. Nothing is forgiven, until we’ve all arrived. Seeing people better on the inside than looking in, gave me insight and […]
Haven’t been here for a while. A good few years, I guess. Some things have changed. Got into a surprisingly healthy relationship. Cut ties with my folks and the fundamentalist cult we were a part of. I understand and care about things now.
If I’m being honest, though, lots of things haven’t. I’m still a cutter. Still on painkillers. Still too scared to stop someone from assaulting me. Still can’t get my shitty parents off my mind. Still occupying the same place in society.
And I can’t help but think of all the times I’ve been told “it gets better” and be angry. Suicidal people aren’t stupid, […]
My eyes roll back, my tongue hardens, balling up in my throat.
I choke on my body, every finger feels alone. As if somebody is pouring their voice into my mind, humming a drone which washes over me like I’m being boiled alive, I reeel repeatedly, awash sans sensation save an echoing of separation.
Like a hand to the face, or a soft bucket of cold water, my senses return, the highways of mind occupy themselves once more.
Defenseless, totally vulnerable to otherworldly nothing, unreasonable in any fashion.
/~\\
(Abandoned places)
https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html
https://www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c3222
https://www.uptodate.com/contents/suicidal-ideation-and-behavior-in-adults/print
https://drjonicewebb.com/how-to-deal-with-your-emotionally-neglectful-parents/
https://www.wikihow.com/Accept-That-Your-Parents-Don%27t-Understand-You
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantone_448_C
(here- […]
why have things been getting worse? they were looking up just a handful of weeks ago, i feel dreadful. i haven’t hyperventilated this much since i was in grade school, and i’m always on the brink of tears each hour of the day.
i don’t mean anything to anyone, how could i let my guard down and be tricked like that? i feel so dumb, so stupid! i don’t have anyone i could talk to, not even crisis people can help me. no one wants to be around me.
no one takes me seriously anymore when i say i’m sad, im sure as hell everyone thinks i’m […]
ive been having these thoughts for a while now, (probably 1-3ish years. i know i should get help. please just. i don’t care. listen to me) and i have acted on them a few times. i feel stupid because my life is probably good compared to others’ (kinda hard to judge when youre biased) and i think im faking having depression though ive hidden it. why would i fake it if no one else cares or knows?
but either way ive tried to act on those thoughts but i never went through. im too much of a coward to tell others, or to […]
why is it so hard now that im older? joining things like random chats dull the loneliness for only a short bit, and im sure its going to be more tough once im back in school.
no one really talks to me nowadays, unless its about art i owe them. ive made up so many characters in my mind, things that make me feel cared for.. but only for a while. im not insane, i know they’re not real. i know they dont care about me. even with calls with my friends, i usually end up just quiet because i dont want to interrupt anyone else […]
Why do people feel the need to gaslight me.? My call went kinda bad. I mean lucky for them, I didn’t say any of the things, that I spend up all night thinking about. The man gives me a fucking existential crisis and says “I don’t know, why you’re upset about that”. Excuse me, maybe I get overwhelmed sometimes, but that doesn’t mean, you can treat me, like I’m making shit up on the go. The back-and-forth energy at this activity is playing with my mentality. I need somewhere quiet and for once uncomplicated.
A lot has happened. I was sick for a week, right when I was supposed to start a program from Jobcenter. Had to get a medical certificate (I hope it’s called that, sorry non-english speaker) from my doctor, who of course was on vacation.
Then on Monday showing up, they forgot to do a Corona Test, which is mandatory there, which obviously I didn’t know. And they did it after I had been there for 3 hours. It was positive. They basically asked me to leave the premises and I had to wait really long until someone came down to talk to me. They gave me […]
FUCK TIME TIME IS A B!TCH
FUCKIN RANT O’CLOCK, FUCKLES MCGEE!
GUESS WHAT?! I’m FUCKING waiting now, and I FUCKING hate it!
WAITING FOR THIS STUPID FUCKING SOLUTION which is GONNA MAKE MY LIFE BETTER
but FUCK WAITING OH GOD
I WAS STABLE for like A WEEK AND A HALF damnit! FUCK COPING! FUCK QUESTIONS from PROFANE PREACHERS of PALLID HATE!
HERE’s the UPDATE, because HELL YEAH that’s useful!
Part ONE:
I wanna make some FUCKIN DEMANDS, damnit!
I WANNA COFFIN, DAMNIT! and you BETTER NOT THROW AWAY ALL THE SHIT I PUT TOGETHER TO LAY THIS WHOLE MESS OUT FOR YA!
alright, now to the kind and well-deserving members of thesuicideproject.org, I’d like to […]