This is a video I thought was ummm inspirational idk the word to describe this video doesn’t exist
if you do watch this tell me ur thoughts
its been over a year since i last used this site. things havent been easy, but theyve been getting better, if only slightly. the 2017 new year made me feel so much more at ease with who i was, and though all of 2017 was a bit of a mess, i managed to not kill myself. i’m doing better, even if it is only by a small margin. i found some friends who have similar issues, and i feel really comfortable around them. i havent dumped my semi-asshole boyfriend, cause we’re only going to be seeing eachother for another few months before we graduate, at […]
I spend a lot of time looking back. Especially recently.
Aged 9. Started self harming.
Aged 10. Tried to throw myself out of the window (several times).
Aged 11. Couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. What was wrong with me.
Aged 12. Distractions. Life. I wasn’t any better, but things kept moving.
Aged 13. Minor improvements. Self acceptance.
Aged 14. Good. Not great, but good. Acceptance. Progress. Self medicating through reading.
and life continued much the same until last year. Not good. Not bad. Clear head at least.
I met someone. We’ll call him Oscar. Or O.
He was amazing. A recovering alcoholic, who’d been driven to drink by the desire […]
I remember the psychiatric wards.
I remember the ice cold floors in the morning, and walking barefoot to the unlockable bathrooms to take a piss. Rolling out of the beds in a drugged daze for the nurse to take my vitals.
”How are you feeling this morning?”
”Fine.”
I remember the series of emotions that flow through me as I process my situation again- for the 5th day in a row:
How long am I going to be here for?
Oh God, I can’t believe I’m (back) here. How the hell do I explain this to everyone? Am I crazy? Does anyone even know I’m in here?
This isn’t so bad, right? […]
Hey, good day for all of you.
This will be my last post
, because I have changed, and I’m quit-ing this site.
For those who didn’t follow my posts, or read the last posts of mine, I wanted to wake up today, fearless and with out feelings.
Fully honest with all of you strangers: for the last days I have been fighting in my mind, over the control of this body. As if I fought with my “anxiety” persona, which fears failures. Today I guess my other persona won, because I’m fearless. I’m focused on what I want and when I want it.
I’m just a […]
I’ve been told by a psychologist, that my “inner sensitive /feeling persona” is being held chained and at a close space inside my mind. He also stated that I’m good at dividing between having this horrible pains due sickness, and between fully functioning at my life and doing the best I can. He explained that my feeling persona gets to the conscious only when it has strength, and that happens when it is mad, or which when I’m mad.
He said that right after the pain stops, I totally repressive it from my consciousness, and I do it for […]
FUCK YOU TOO.
No , I never really bothered to look for you,
It was all I had from the start
Just a few rocks in hand, and a real big heart.
I cared so much for others, but missed the whole idea of them being there for me.
Maybe it was me,
Or they just didn’t care for it.
But in the end, there is all I have had,
Mom is down, and my hands are bared.
Perhaps I should have outsmarting it ?
Age 5 is great for a start
Get ready before anyone knows you,
Be prepared to defend yourself,
Learn how to make it […]
Well ,since I’m back here . It’s either good news or bad news . Not like anyone I know irl reads this . But I gotta just say . I am thankful for you guys (both my irl friends and sp friends ) thank you for being there and supportive and enable me to go through this tough time.
This isn’t what I called a faked positivity post that’s trying hard to lighten up the atmosphere here .
Honestly ,I am scared of the future and what my past can hold me back . I keep feeling this and that ,keep thinking about what others opinions of […]
Okay,Yeah the heading just gave away the fact that I am not suicidal anymore. But then why did I sign up for this depressing site?
Because I want to tell my story to someone who gives a fuck! And wont classify me as a Creep or Liar or Stupid or Attention seeker! There is only one person who understood me and she cut herself too. Cutting! I was never able to do that because I couldn’t bear my mother’s face if she so it.
There are two people who had a hand in me getting over my depression and I can never ever thank either of them. […]
Hello guys! I haven’t used this website in 2 years and seeing my older posts are quite a strange experience. I came here in 2014 because isolation and depression pushed me to the edge, rock bottom, or whatever. Started feeling depressed 10 years ago! It’s my Sadniversary and I thew up my birthday cake. My birthday was wednesday and I had a violent indigestion, because why the hell not. Well this feeling persists, yet again. The reason I’m here today is because even if I do feel this pain, this need to die, this very heavy weight of self shame and being worthless, it is […]
Previously: The seventh
I don’t like happy endings. I don’t like sad endings. I don’t like endings!
I feel terrible when I am at the last few pages of a book or in the last few episodes of a series, especially those whose characters I can relate to or whose stories I wish I could have lived. Close to the end I have to face the fact it’s all fiction, the product of someone else’s mind, that the characters and their stories will forever end with a period or with the credits and everything will vanish — OK, there might be sequels, but at […]
Why is the lust of life so attracting? What do I get out of it? I get nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Any reasonable person would give it up at the first sight of awareness towards it. It is a useless time waster and suffering giver. When it gets too much I leave it and follow some of the practices i learned and which i trust. they always help me. they have so much truth in them, they are very much reasonable and i have substantial reason and evidence to follow them. i start feeling good and start improving. but after a day or two, its, […]
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Human’s imagination is better than reality !
Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]
I’m in the make or break position. I can go back to “their way”. or I can keep trudging on mine. Any sane person would take theirs hands down. There are millions of students preparing years after years for the jobs i left. If I had a clear mind in the beginning i would’ve saved seats for at least 2 of them. Why do I hate society so much? Social structures are dead and i just cannot endure being bound. I have zero problem in the specifics. if a ‘social person’ comes specifically to me to talk about a specific thing i would have zero […]
It’s been nearly 5 years since you crawled into that basement expecting to die.
You’re 26 now (an age you swore you’d never see). You’ve met some cool new people over the past 5 years. You graduated college, got a job, and moved into your own apartment. You adopted a cat, and she’s become your best friend. You’re off all those meds now, and you feel stable, comfortable even. You haven’t self-harmed in 3 years. Your parents are finally proud of you.
You’re still lonely (and getting lonelier with each passing year). You’ve lost some old friends, due to distance or death. You had a mental breakdown and […]
My father was holding me back in life and I hadn’t realized this until now that i moved out. I feel happier these days, happier than I’ve ever felt in a while. My insecurities are quickly vanishing within a matter of weeks. I had forgotten how social the real me was. Surprisingly I’m quite impressive with the ladies. I can sleep better too.
My fathers’ anger has empowered me to take a leap of faith into unknown territory but to my surprise I’m doing just fine living in an apartment by myself….more than fine…I feel awesome!! I will sacrifice a mansion for a healthy mind any […]
I know a lot of people may choose to ignore this, if so, i hope you skip breakfast the next day (kidding). However, im hoping that there is one person, just one, who hears me out. Im not asking for a reply, though feel free to do so if you wish. I think i’ve blabbered enough, so let me get to the point:
Im losing my mind.
Every depression help center i go to, or any article i see, i see in bold:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, IT WILL GET BETTER. HELP IS EVERYWHERE.
I wish i could believe the nice people down at ‘the guardian’, but frankly i […]
-introduction – This is my last post here, not suicidal though.
I believe I have completed a shift from the young boy I was 4 years ago, to the man I am.
I wanted to share some experiences and conclusions of my travel through agony, happiness, loss, and faith. I wanted to give you other users, the tools I learned, from others.
This shall be a post with my final words to this community.
I have completely ditched social media, removed my accounts from internet sites, stopped playing video games, focused on my own personality, and my family’s health state.
Today I accomplish to sustain […]
Good day you all,
This post will include; panic attack, co op failure, overcoming love.
Added bold words to make reading easier and able to jump
edit: Also added conclusions down the page.
start Today I had a great day, studied, and got few compliments, perhaps even started few new social relationship here or there.
It is really nice to start a new page at a university.
But…
change in events I went back home, a friend contacted me, he asked if I wanna go out with him like we did two days ago. Back then [8.10.17] he said “I want you to know that I completely respect you, […]
Hi guys, not sure if everybody knows my story and who/how I am
I am a 23 year old female who was born and lives in Belgium. But my parents were born and raised in Morocco. I am a narcissist with social anxiety/socially awkward type of person. So I hate myself for being narcissistic and deep down I always felt it is not okay to be so celf centered. I hated my own behavior and I hated it even more that my bad behavior (using others etc) didn’t give me any feeling of remorse or guilt.
Past friday I had an intake for tdcs treatment with the […]