Stories of Hope

6

Desire to be pregnant

May 18th, 2017by BlueDiamond

I haven’t been on here for a while because of work. My back sore from sweeping soil and my feet are forming blisters. Last night, I had a dream that I had two sons. Hopefully this is a prophecy, but highly not. I will never get my ducks in a row. Besides, I know people have hinted that I shouldn’t have kids. I can tell if I brought them into this world, people will be ready to tear them apart. I know they want me gone, they’re too much of a ***** to admit it.

I sometimes get baby fever. It can also get bad when …

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5

Another update

May 10th, 2017by SoVeryTired

Today I saw my psychiatrist. Eventually I told him what happened (well, nearly happened) on Saturday. He too, like my psychologist, immediately wanted to admit me. To his credit, he didn’t force me but respected my choice to not go back into hospital. He said that the situation was just short of where he would have been both legally obliged and able to force me into hospital, as in – if I had been in immediate danger.

He made it very clear that he would have much preferred if I went. But thanks to the trust we’ve built up over the years (he’s been treating me …

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5

I don’t remember this place

May 9th, 2017by brookethefox

Well apparently, this is the second time around. I came looking for relief and ended up gaining more fear and confusion. Let me explain…

I’m currently struggling with a lot. I’m severely depressed and am afraid to go to a doctor to be diagnosed or medicated. I mean, my mom’s a psych nurse, for Christ’s sake. She’d know if there was something wrong with me, right? I can’t bear to face her for fear of her sending me to the ward. How embarrassing would that be for her?

I’ve had nights where I can’t sleep, just dreams of me finding happiness in finding a loose razor or …

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11

How to kill yourself

May 8th, 2017by ImSayingGoodBye

Okay lets face it, its not that easy. Regardless of the method, whether itd be gun, pills, gassing, jumping, explosion, train or just whatever its really hard to pull through with it. Because lets be honest death is not something that’s a walk in the park. We don’t know how bad its going to hurt, even if its the most “painless” of methods. The fact is only those that know aren’t here to tell. SO.. with all that said. I want to get into detail about what it may take to overcome that fear and actually commit suicide. Lets not even call it suicide, lets …

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11

fight it

May 8th, 2017by sailorsfight

I am 26 years old, sailor by profession. I am a very shy and let alone type of a guy, had problems making friends as a child. As i grew up i became even more emotional and sensitive. People say i am smart but i dont feel like it, I think i am average. I think i am a kind and a good hearted person but i do get evil thoughts at times and i have to fight to get them out telling myself “those are bad thoughts”. Since my teenage days i have had suicidal thoughts. I have been in ” in love” situations …

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8

I need help

May 8th, 2017by peachmuffin143

I was a bit sceptical about this site at first. Then I read every post and thought to myself that I’m not alone. I was desperate to fix everything. I was hurt to see others hurt. I tried my best to help them and in the mean time I struggle with own troubles. I HATE to say this…but I HATE that particular person. And I HATE myself for hating her. I hate that I have to admit that I’m weak….I’m insecure. I hate everything. I live for years coping with anxiety and depression.

I met with several counsellors in my life. Now I’m 20 years old …

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2

Prison Earth

May 6th, 2017by BlueDiamond

I like to imagine Earth as a giant prison, and God or these angels placed our souls into these advance prison uniforms called bodies. These bodies are hideous. Trapped between these gooey organs, and water, covered by soft fleshy pink skin. I once remember having eagle vision, gather all the scents from a single galaxy, and finding a soulmate was much easier because when I was free, we were all full of love, and with our strong bonds, the sex felt a thousands times orgasmic than on earth. No longer does the food taste good on Earth, since I remember, but this suit and the …

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2

broke down and cried..

May 5th, 2017by death bunny

my kid was taking his afternoon nap, my girlfriend was smoking outside, and this gut clenching feeling came to me as so often. only this time i went to the bedroom, got my pillow and went to my study, dropped the pillow on the floor and laid my head on it. and then i exploded. this scenario might sound odd, but if you’re living in circles like me, sometimes you have to do odd things to break them, so i just learned.

back when i got my diagnosis, depression’s all i had. before my kid was born, and before i met my girlfriend. back then i …

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7

chapters

May 1st, 2017by Addiictivetragedy

Ever since I was a little girl I always asked questions about my little sister.. The sister my mother gave up for adoption. Our mother was a drug addict who chose men over her kids and is STILL continues doing drugs. my life was very rough but I was always the type to wish for a happily ever after… So I made excuses after excuses for my mom. She got pregnant not to long after she gave my sister up for adoption but abused pills which led to a stillborn.. My other baby sister Seirra (May she Rest with the angels) … My mother then …

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6

WHY is it so FU(£ING difficult to LOG IN HERE!???

April 24th, 2017by bobbywylie

I can see the reasoning behind keeping a site like this….well….discrete, I guess. But, you know, I’ve wanted, on a couple of occasions, to sign in and TALK to people (when I’ve been NEAR FUCKING KILLING MYSELF!!), but I can’t figure out how to fucking LOG IN so I can COMMUNICATE!!! WTF?!!!

There’s no LOG IN details when you visit this site! You may be DESPERATE – and you may well be RIGHT ON THE FUCKING EDGE AND DESPERATE TO TALK TO LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE, but……how the fuck do you GET IN!????????

 I managed to log on ONLY because I inadvertantly clicked on somebody’s POST! Is that how

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1

I Will Overcome !

April 23rd, 2017by Addiictivetragedy

Mind like quicksand, but I try to stay above land.
Kaleidoscope of different scenarios. Life falling in a burial. Heart broken like shattered glass, not healing no mater how much time has passed. Haunted dreams every night, becoming weaker after every fight. Can’t distinguish what is real or in my head, every night laying on my deathbed. Anxiety, bipolar and PTSD, is slowly overpowering me.
Suicidal Thoughts but I’m afraid of death, continuous thoughts of how I will lose my last breath. Anxious, anxious all the time, but with meds they tell I’ll be just fine. Irritable, angry, sadden and scared, all through my mind like a …

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1

Blossom

April 23rd, 2017by Addiictivetragedy

You used your words, I used my heart. I became unheard, you became a dart. I reached out, you pushed away. I started to doubt but I was forced to stay.
Growing a flower, supposed to be a blessing. but you had the power. And I was left stressing..
Far from family , no one but you,
Loss of gravity, my hatred grew.
You where supposed to be my happy ending, but this chapter was just beginning.
My flower blossomed, she is so beautiful, I became cautioned, you grew so pitiful. Yelling and abusing, but with no bruising. I tried to flee, your family didn’t agree.. threatened like a thief …

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0

Battle Scars: 2017 Update

April 16th, 2017by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

Today commemorates eight months since I have gotten the urge to turn to this forum. At my last visit, I was broken, and quite humorously, at this visit, broken no longer can summate my existence. In exactly one year, I have had few victories and so much pain and deception that I have crawled back into the safety of my introvercy. Since my last visit, (when I was a 18 year old bum, not attending school) I have made some progression. I currently work, go to school and volunteer regularly but my battle scars are still present, Scars that refuse to heal, scars which threaten …

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1

What makes me move on?

April 14th, 2017by kellinandrew

I am here to tell you one thing. Death isn’t my solution, it is my hideaway spot. The place I dream about when things get bad, the place I think about when I want to end things, but cant bring myself to do it. I find it comforting to dream about what could be if I died, but then it begins to scare me, it begins to make me feel alone, and sometimes I don’t know what to do. How to handle life, how to keep going. Im so tired of struggling, so tired of living off of nothing, having to rely on others, I …

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0

I’m Back

April 14th, 2017by kellinandrew

I haven’t posted in a while, I dont know why.. But I have a story to tell. I was looking for my sleeping pills, my Trazadone,  when I found my moms Phenobarbital, which is a hypnotic. I used to be addicted to a lot of drugs, more than I ever thought possible. I broke those habits two years ago when I was 15, now I have fallen back into them. I have become dependent on these pills and I am trying to stop, but at first I didnt see a point, yes it can kill me, yes its hurting me. But maybe I was wrong. I …

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2

Slow and steady/Dr. Visit

April 11th, 2017by heartlessviking

Today things set a good trend for me. I’m still at the point I can only go out a few days a week, but I’m working on that. So today came the long awaited and also long dreaded visit with my prescribing doctor. I was really dreading the concept of going in and talking about my issues from the last few weeks. I’ve been trying to be more honest with this doctor and we have a much more functional relationship for it. That does mean though if I had still be in the deep existential funk that has dominated the last few weeks I would …

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0

I’m still here…and smiling. (had to repost, sorry for any deleted comments and thanks for the kind words)

March 30th, 2017by PlentyOfRestForTheWeary

*Thanks for commenting and giving well wishes I appreciate it, @TragedyofJohn, @greeneyes7,

Hello, @who_even_cares, I read your comment and I’m sorry you’re having such a rough go of it, I was at that point for years and I was very angry because, things were hitting me all at once. It was a very dark place and I don’t wish that on anyone. I’m praying for you and I hope things will be better in time.

 

*Original Post*

Hello, I tried to go back to my old account so I could update what’s been going on in my life. This is the link to my first post, if anyone …

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5

Blank

March 19th, 2017by Zelrot

I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets …

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5

Behind the closed door.

February 22nd, 2017by AmandaBen

A poem written by me during my darkest moments.

 

Behind the closed door

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl who hides her pain

Buried in so much sorrow

All hope is being drained

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl practicing to smile

To hide the truth from everyone

A mask in which will only stay for a while

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl with cuts that bleed red

From unbearable sadness

She’s only hanging by a thread

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl who could no longer cry

She starts thinking

How will she say goodbye?

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl perfectly still

Who lost all hope

Who lost all will

 

Behind the closed door

Was where a girl once used …

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3

5AM BPD/Love/Sob

February 20th, 2017by Elliot97

Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction …

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