Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

2

leave me alone

  March 18th, 2018 by trashcan

I want it to shut up I want it to leave my head I want it to let me be happy i want it to go away but it fucking won’t

it wont leave me alone

i just want to spend one entire day without hearing it

i want to happpy
I can’t take this anymore I need to be free from it but I don’t know how to get away from it if it’s in my head
The only way to make it stop before it starts up again is if I’m asleep but I can’t sleep my life away not anymore

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11

people need people

  March 15th, 2018 by iamdarling

even though i’m an awkward introvert with social anxiety, i miss people. i miss being around people.

i’ve come to realise i’ve never really had a true friend, so, i can’t say i miss having friends. i don’t really know what it’s like to have friends. the idea doesn’t appeal to me much anymore. maybe, i miss the idea of them. the idea of a boyfriend is more appealing, which is weird, i know.

the idea of having someone i can expose myself to, and let them truly know me like no one else knows me, is bittersweet to me. it must be so… amazing, to love …

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0

I’m back baby….. (Futurama reference)

  March 15th, 2018 by Urm8451n

It has been a while since I logged in to this site, but since I’m here again –  I guess I have no other getaway.

 

Life has been going rough, and each day I feel I stray away from my feelings.

I hope that after the next semester, I’ll be able to find a good job at my study field [engineering] and so to help the house’s financial state.

I’m feeling pretty much in the sewers since a month or so. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but everything doesn’t feel right.

 

I hope it will get better once I finish my last test. I really hope it …

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5

  March 6th, 2018 by Iucy

Sometimes I don’t really want to die. I just want to not exist for a while….

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3

Still not dead. Wish I was.

  March 6th, 2018 by johnwhogivesashit

My story has gotten quite a bit worse since last May and my last post. Still on felony probation. I managed to fail upward and drop dirty for weed on another like 5 tests in the last year. Got a PTR for it. Been fighting that since December. The judge was actually a sorta decent human being and told me to stop getting high and he would let me complete my probation. Asking me to stop getting high is like asking me to stop breathing. So I quit weed and started snorting dope. Heroin… I got in a car accident a while back so …

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4

Suicide year 2014

  March 3rd, 2018 by Urm8451n

It is 2014, I’m young.
Have yet understood why my I can’t understand other’s feelings.
Mom is breaking down, she is alone, she is going through courts and she is under a lot of stress.
Knowing things can get out of hand at any moment, I don’t sleep.
Not even blinking.

My head is on the pillow, but my ears are searching all over the place. I clearly hear the neighbor’s dog, the child across the street, the moving cars, and how many there are.

The following days, mom starts acting weird, just like in those horror movies where the demon is taking over. She yells, and kicks, and make hate …

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2

Here I Go Again {push back the pain}

  March 1st, 2018 by lonely2k14

I wake up to aching sound of my phone buzzing beside me. I reach for it in pure emotional agony, immediately pressing snooze. As I try to stir out of my groggy state, my mind is blank, and can only think of my exhausted body. I tried to open my eyes but they felt as if they weighed a ton, I tried to lift my arm but it’d fallen limp at my side; given up, I let myself relax just for one more moment… I’m abruptly woken up by my phone buzzing once more. Here I go again… I go through the same, process of …

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1

Back again

  February 26th, 2018 by ataria-coronaria

Having a another really bad night. Everything feels like it’s wrong in my world again. I’m so afraid of myself and can’t fully accept my reality. I honestly just want to feel genuinely loved. I think I have friends who love me but I don’t really feel anything from people regardless of that. My own self loathing is getting in the way of everything. I feel like my constant down personality is driving everyone away as well. Subconsciously I kind of want them gone at the same time as needing them. I fear that if people get too close they’ll discover the truth and desert me …

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2

Lotus

  February 23rd, 2018 by thetrashmen

In spite of how much I try,

or protest,

or submit,

my parents can’t seem to take me any longer.

I’m supposed to be whisked off to Virginia

to live with my grandparents.

I’ve never had much of a desire to go to the east coast,

and find it inferior to my own state.

But in giving into my depression,

I lost the opportunity for choice.

I won’t miss my parents as much as I’ll miss my friends,

I won’t miss my friends as much as I’ll miss my english teacher,

and I sure as hell won’t miss any of them as much as I’ll miss my rabbit.

 

 

I’ll live.

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1

School…

  February 19th, 2018 by nonexistingsoul

I’m on my 3rd year in college. Only one more year left… But I’ve been not going to class for about 2 weeks. Going there feels like someone is strangling me and I feel like all of their eyes are looking at me and judging me. I feel like shit. I feel like a trash. I’m useless. Although my parents think I’m going to school, but I don’t and I only go at the place where I dreamed of living by myself. The city that is bright and beautiful at night. The city where full of artist like me are there. The city where I …

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3

alone

  February 18th, 2018 by iamdarling

well, the truth is, i’m all alone in this world.

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2

When the Breakdown is Over

  February 17th, 2018 by Iucy

This is one of poems I’ve written: When the breakdown is over
The worst part about a breakdown is when it’s over
For a few minutes that feel like years
You just sit there, with your bloodshot eyes and your tear stained face…
emotionless
Everything around you is quiet
And you’re sad; you’re so so sad
Yet everything is numb
Everything is empty
You look straight ahead into the nothingness that you are
Then… you think back to what happened a few minutes ago
And you wish you could go back in time
Just so that you could comfort your own self
So that you could give yourself a hug, because no one else would
So that you could …

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5

thanks a lot rachel

  February 15th, 2018 by Tonislav

i just asked my dad for help on my homework and he really f**king told me not to cut my veins because of it. thank you dad i really appreciate you helping me in life in general since you’ve been always by my side (not).

He worked on another country for about 6 years maybe more and yeah i know he is trying to earn money so i can be in a good school and get better education and shit but like seriously i left my country where all of my friends are, im having a shitty time here aaaand he still can’t fking help me …

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7

The hotline

  February 3rd, 2018 by zkolijn

A few days ago my fiancé told me that he almost committed suicide. This had torn me down and I thought it was my fault. I wasn’t able to help him because he kept this from me. He kept this from me because he was scared of hurting me.

Since he told me, I have had visions of being at his funeral. I have been an emotional mess. I know it wasn’t my fault but I felt like I failed him. I am so grateful that he was sound enough to call the suicide hotline number before he did.

He told me that I am his reason for …

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10

I was raped…

  February 1st, 2018 by AJ

On the 29th of December.
I lost my virginity.
To my now ex boyfriend.
I didn’t say no.
But I most definitely didn’t say yes.
I was too scared.
He was emotionally manipulative and I knew that “no” wasn’t an answer to him.
So I kept my mouth shut.
I lay there.
And took it.
It only occurred to me today that it was wrong.
I’m a fucking idiot.
But now I can’t breath.
I want to rip my skin off.
Every part he touched now burns with repulsion and I can’t take it.
Fuck

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0

  January 28th, 2018 by Dehahs

no comment

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4

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

  January 26th, 2018 by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & …

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1

Still here.

  January 24th, 2018 by miralee18765

About two years ago I wrote a post talking about how I wish I could just disappear. Two years have passed since then, and I still feel that way, and I think I’ll stay that way until the day I die. I’ve tried to engage with friends more, but just when they’re about to know something about me I withdraw and go back to the  ” I’m fine” phrase that blocks all attempts at cracking me open and have me show more emotions.

I was told by someone recently that he couldn’t understand me. He said, ” You’re always smiling, and that’s why our friends think …

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5

Fuck my life

  January 22nd, 2018 by SocialMasker

I can’t live anymore, not without her. My life has been absolute shit from the beginning, my real mom did drugs and hated me, i was abused a small bit, then when i got my current parents i was harshly punished for the smallest offenses. My friends all left me around 8th grade and i thought things were looking up for me my junior year, because a girl actually liked me. We ended up together but after two months she left me because she had mental issues. She was and still is perfect to me. I have tried my hardest to show i care, to …

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0

Empty

  January 16th, 2018 by lonely2k14

So it’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. Last month, was the worst month I’ve ever been through. No, I didn’t self harm, because, i was way past that point. I was at the point where i felt certain pain and had emotional breakdowns often, but i felt genuinely empty now. Before, I often had reasons as to why I would feel particularly horrible one day, more so than before. But last month, I just was horribly in emotional pain for all 31 days. My grades dropped so much and the drive I had to succeed in school and life was …

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