Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

7

The hotline

  February 3rd, 2018 by zkolijn

A few days ago my fiancé told me that he almost committed suicide. This had torn me down and I thought it was my fault. I wasn’t able to help him because he kept this from me. He kept this from me because he was scared of hurting me.

Since he told me, I have had visions of being at his funeral. I have been an emotional mess. I know it wasn’t my fault but I felt like I failed him. I am so grateful that he was sound enough to call the suicide hotline number before he did.

He told me that I am his reason for …

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2

Well I Think This IS Probably My End

  February 1st, 2018 by the_black_3th_of_april.exe

So like the guy in my post of yesterday said: “things will get worse”. So has he said it happened. Today was a great fucking bad day. The mom of my girlfriend told me she couldn’t come to my home so she went sad, then they fight and when she told me a good thing among fucking bullshit that maybe she could come to my home, 10 minutes later she told me that it is done, she finished the relationship because she eared his mom talking whit is dick stepdad and that asshole told her bullshit and to end the problems she left me and …

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10

I was raped…

  February 1st, 2018 by AJ

On the 29th of December.
I lost my virginity.
To my now ex boyfriend.
I didn’t say no.
But I most definitely didn’t say yes.
I was too scared.
He was emotionally manipulative and I knew that “no” wasn’t an answer to him.
So I kept my mouth shut.
I lay there.
And took it.
It only occurred to me today that it was wrong.
I’m a fucking idiot.
But now I can’t breath.
I want to rip my skin off.
Every part he touched now burns with repulsion and I can’t take it.
Fuck

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0

  January 28th, 2018 by Dehahs

no comment

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4

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

  January 26th, 2018 by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & …

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1

Still here.

  January 24th, 2018 by miralee18765

About two years ago I wrote a post talking about how I wish I could just disappear. Two years have passed since then, and I still feel that way, and I think I’ll stay that way until the day I die. I’ve tried to engage with friends more, but just when they’re about to know something about me I withdraw and go back to the  ” I’m fine” phrase that blocks all attempts at cracking me open and have me show more emotions.

I was told by someone recently that he couldn’t understand me. He said, ” You’re always smiling, and that’s why our friends think …

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5

Fuck my life

  January 22nd, 2018 by SocialMasker

I can’t live anymore, not without her. My life has been absolute shit from the beginning, my real mom did drugs and hated me, i was abused a small bit, then when i got my current parents i was harshly punished for the smallest offenses. My friends all left me around 8th grade and i thought things were looking up for me my junior year, because a girl actually liked me. We ended up together but after two months she left me because she had mental issues. She was and still is perfect to me. I have tried my hardest to show i care, to …

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0

Empty

  January 16th, 2018 by lonely2k14

So it’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. Last month, was the worst month I’ve ever been through. No, I didn’t self harm, because, i was way past that point. I was at the point where i felt certain pain and had emotional breakdowns often, but i felt genuinely empty now. Before, I often had reasons as to why I would feel particularly horrible one day, more so than before. But last month, I just was horribly in emotional pain for all 31 days. My grades dropped so much and the drive I had to succeed in school and life was …

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2

Hello

  January 15th, 2018 by An orange

I had a very hard childhood growing up, I grew up in a small cult and never knew a day of peace and stability, Ive been homeless and emotionally/ physically abused by my parents.

I left home at 19 to live with my long distance girl friend at the time, and was rejected by my family as a selfish traitor for leaving and not staying in poverty. My first relationship wasnt very healthy and my ex was very manipulative and passive aggressive. Later we moved to LA to pursue art in the animation industry. My ex dumped me the first week but gave the idea of …

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6

Hopeless

  January 11th, 2018 by CaptchaIsSlavery

I was born into a family history of abuse.  My female progenitor, “Louise”, (who I stopped calling mother years ago) was raped by siblings and step-parents and ignored by her female progenitor who favored the boys according to Louise.  She got pregnant with me seemingly to “catch” her boyfriend, who didn’t take the bait and left.  I suspect they were both damaged, shitty, selfish, childish people who couldn’t love.  Louise then neglected me from birth and abused me mentally/emotionally for several years as a single mother on welfare.

As an example, when I was a boy of maybe 8-10 years old, I wrote Louise a poetic …

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3

I don’t know anymore.

  January 8th, 2018 by foreverinevitable18

Hi I’m an 18 year old college student who is going through a lifetime of stress, depression, and anxiety. Depression has always been a factor in my life, for I have been depressed for six years now and find no way out. Although I am a very smart individual and have a great circle of friends who care for me, I have issues with opening up with people. I struggle with telling others of how I truly feel because I believe that they truly wouldn’t care, is it wrong to believe that individuals only care for their self being? I am constantly abusing drugs and …

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6

i won’t grow to be old

  January 5th, 2018 by iamdarling

i’m not sure why, but i have this weird feeling that i won’t grow to be old. i mean, i can’t imagine myself living until i’m, what, ninety?

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3

What can I do

  January 3rd, 2018 by crackedheart

I just have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I can’t kill myself because anytime I think about doing it and how much I just don’t want to be forced to live on this rock, I see my parents and friends faces and how sad they’d be. This always brings a sense of hopelessness, I can’t die, I don’t wanna be here but I have to be so fuck what do I do. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere on this whole world and constantly feel homesick for a place that I’m losing hope I could …

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2

Jenny.

  December 29th, 2017 by vale_et_bonum_nox_noctis

The moments in a person’s life where everything changes aren’t even the most catastrophic. Sometimes it’s in the hours of empty that follow the catastrophe. In the hours where you feel the life fade away…

What kind of sick bastard—

My first instinct was to block it out. My first instinct was to make it so it didn’t happen, and I was good at it. I couldn’t be Jennifer anymore—so I lost her. I buried her, with…

A mother is supposed to love her kid, so why…? Why ?

I can remember every detail of

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0

I want to pull the fucking trigger

  December 27th, 2017 by Urm8451n

that is it. I had enough.
I had enough of this kind of life.
I screwed up a few times. other times I got screw over.
Im fucked up.

I want to be soulless. I want to be with out feelings
I want to be a fucking robot.

I don’t want to communicate. I don’t want to love, to cry, to be mad.

God. If you are out there, when I wake up tomorrow morning, please wake me up feeling less.
Please help me become this hollow shell.

Why would you take away from me so much, without taking my feelings too? …

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2

Memories in Reverse

  December 25th, 2017 by SunshinesBlackhole

So the boy I was falling in love with died less than three months ago and I’m okay sometimes and other times it’s worse than when I got assaulted years ago and thought I was dying.

Memories of him always pop up, always freeze me up, make me break down and hide away and I’m fairly used to it, but I’m the past few days I’ve been having memories of him that never happened nor could ever happen, because, well, he’s dead now.

I see him and I playing in the snow together. I see him surprising me with cute things. Celebrating the holidays. I feel myself …

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15

The worst year

  December 23rd, 2017 by The Wrong Boy

So….man,that wont to be a good year,it’s not just for me but for everyone here in the blog,i know it has persons with more problems than me or we but i just don’t like to have these problems,my life is just a sadness history with so many pain and depression….and that are not just words but feelings…MY feelings,and now my feelings are so sad….downed…btw,here…do you know Christmas?..Yeah,it’s what’s going to happen soon but now i already recived my gift AND i recived NOTHING….seriously,i just recived nothing,my 3 sisters just recived a fucking Tablet…..i don’t care about what they recived,but,man,i just need a good day,a good …

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5

current state of my mind

  December 21st, 2017 by Caelum

Hello

I am not sure how to start…I have this kind of suicidal thoughts more than 10  years now(around in my mid 20es). What is my situation now?I took a break in my studies.I studied business information in the 6th semester but I never graduated by University.It isn’t like I hate or love my minor but after some semesters I think it is boring and not enjoyable to study and work in this subject/environment.

I felt always like I don’t belong to anyone or group not because I am hyper shy/introverted but I am like jack of all trades.Actually during my studies I built my own social …

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7

Bad things

  December 14th, 2017 by mranony

It’s been a while since I had a really bad dream from the past. It’s the season maybe lol.

I wonder if I wasn’t molested by adults or became a victim of incest… I wonder if I’ll be a better person than I am today.

I wonder if they ever forget. I wonder if remembering makes me a slut because even now I can’t forget their touches. I can never forget and it makes me hate my everything.

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4

I was already bad, and then he died

  December 14th, 2017 by SunshinesBlackhole

So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.

I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.

I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.

I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my …

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