Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

4

Anniversary

  December 26th, 2017 by Blood Rain

It’s been a year since I last left a post here. I hadn’t thought I’d be back, both for the reasons I’d left and the reasons I had tried not to look back.

Today’s the anniversary of my last suicide attempt. Ironically it is the one that ‘saved’ me but at the same time took so much from me. In survival I was able to remove a mental block I had put on my emotions and memories that held years of abuse by the hands of my father, who has lost his memories through alcoholic seizures, and the only one who really understands what I suffered …

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0

Sad

  December 25th, 2017 by lonewolf23

Today was Christmas Eve and i am somewhat sad because all my co-workers seemed to hate how cheery i was today. I’m typically always happy and in a good mood no matter what day it is but for some reason it irritated some of my co-workers today. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and so it was super busy today but i didn’t mind. After all, who wants to be served by a grumpy employee on Christmas Eve? I know i wouldn’t appreciate it if i went through some cashiers line and got dealt a mean attitude. I understand being a cashier …

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8

Her Timeline

  December 16th, 2017 by SilentVoices

Before she was aware, she moved across seas. Of course she wasn’t aware, she was only 3.

By the age of 5, she knew something wasn’t right. Protecting her siblings while her parents fight.

From K to 12 she struggled without support. But even with uneducated parents, her grades were in good report.

Her home-life however, left much to Desire. Constant fighting and screaming and emotional fire.

At the tender age of 8, she would lie in bed, wishing she were dead.

Withdrawn and silent, she turned 14. Dragged to the psychiatrist for her mind to be seen.

Finally diagnosed with Severe Clinical Depression. She was given drugs, but to her …

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1

being your illness

  December 12th, 2017 by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

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0

Disorganized thoughts

Disorganized thoughts

  December 6th, 2017 by RiloMor

 

  • It’s not like I haven’t tried to speak my mind to, tell someone. In fact I have been hospitalized for my depression, 7 day lock up with medication and a councilor to ‘talk about it.’ But why did they believe me when I told them it was because of some random girl making fun of me for being gay and trans-masculine. I don’t know why I’m depressed, or why I panic when I’m near people or feel the need to just scream for no reason. Why did they think it was another person hating me when I was hating myself for not knowing why

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5

My story if anyone cares

  November 28th, 2017 by Max

7

Torture

  November 19th, 2017 by Gnarledpoet

I’ve been in deep depression for 4 years now and I’ve attempted suicide 3 times. The first time i jumped from a bridge overlooking a ridge of water and rocks, it was about 100 feet i think. I ended up with bruised ribs, a twisted ankle and back pain for several months. The second time i overdosed on ecstasy, but one of my few remaining friends found me and got me help before i could die. The last time i tried a couple months ago with a 357 magnum, turned out it was old and the firing pin on it had been broken a while …

1

Would have I jumped?

Would have I jumped?

  November 1st, 2017 by ThirdClassWorldCitizen

Previously: If all else fails…

Good and bad things happened after that day when I almost ended everything on that bridge. More bad things than good things, unfortunately. Was it worth continuing my life? If I had seen into my future, would have I jumped instead?

I was 30 years old, I had no college degree and I had left college again. I also had left my job and my professional background was so mixed and confusing that it would be hard to get a decent job again… I didn’t really leave that bridge alive because I trusted I still could be successful, in …

4

13 Reasons Why Response

  October 31st, 2017 by 13reasonswhyresponse

Darkling I listen

Suicide – it’s something I’ve thought about for a while, but only from the perspective of escape. It seems like a way out of all the pain that is life. Most people don’t experience life this way so they won’t understand when I call life pain. “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” So true, Mr. Goldman, so true.

Anyway, I started watching 13 Reasons Why without any expectations other than the main actor reminds me of a young Freddie Price, Jr. Am I dating myself there? Probably.

Probably no one will read this, and that’s okay. In

7

If all else fails…

If all else fails…

  October 31st, 2017 by ThirdClassWorldCitizen

“If all else fails, I can always become a hippie.”

You have probably seen this phrase or some other along these lines, didn’t you? I did it many times, but never really thought about it and never ever seen someone seriously considering becoming a hippie because everything else failed for them — no, movies don’t count.

Some years ago I planned and almost committed suicide. I was 30 years old. It was not the first time I had thought about killing myself, but it was the first time I converted thoughts into actions.

I came close to it, I think. I am not sure if it was a …

2

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

  October 28th, 2017 by niki

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

Human’s imagination is better than reality !

Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi ) is better than …

6

My first attempt

My first attempt

  October 16th, 2017 by NotAlright

I was always a loner, I am just the girl who would sit in the corner and read alone, having only a few friends. I’m also one to have a lot of secrets and put on layers and layers of masks, to hide the brocken form and tears… and soon, I nolonger know how to cry, how to laugh from my heart, or how to smile truely. I hide away behind the walls, and isolated myself even more to protect what’s left of me, to protect my thick fire walls and masks. And due to those suppressed emotions, I always have a problem with my …

3

Loneliness… don’t u feel it?

  October 8th, 2017 by Urm8451n

I have been standing outside the house for a while, letting my thoughts hit hard on love and company.

I really miss my ex, but not because she was someone who gave me trust. But because she was something to hug, hold and have sex with.

It’s easy to remember our time together as lovely,  but in fact it wasn’t as so. therefor I decided to quit it, and even then I’m still missing that hug.

I feel like play Chas game against “time”,  as if some kind of persona,  shaped like a standing clock, is over thinking me at a chess game, and slowly winning.

I wish I …

2

Standing through the waves

  October 6th, 2017 by Urm8451n

Lately, with my mind and experience expanding, I learn to accept more burden and horrors as a road obstacles.
It is as if I’m riding my car through a bumpy road. Sometimes in encountering a fallen tree, or just small pockets.

I learnt to survive by my own, and followed the importance of knowledge. Right now I’m following my plan to use academic education as a “way out ticket”.

I will try to concur the highest summits man has ever seen, only to let myself the relief to live quietly and alone , perhaps allowing me to build a normal family (unlike my ancestors).

I know the road, or …

11

Relapse.

  September 25th, 2017 by Eccedentesiastsoul

5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school …

3

Sin.

  September 22nd, 2017 by Eccedentesiastsoul

“Wanting to die, is a sin”

Our English teacher read that line. I was in shock. I could hear people whispering and laughing. No one seemed to care. How could she say that? How could the author of the book write about that? How do they want people to admit that they have been wanting to die when they are being taught that it is a sin? Telling us that, would only make us wish we were dead already. We have already got the sin, haven’t we? Why wait around and collect more sins by thinking the way we do?  Wanting to die isn’t a choice, …

1

Relapse.

  September 22nd, 2017 by Eccedentesiastsoul

Ever since school started I haven’t been posting since I barley have time to breathe. I visited the hospital about 2 weeks ago since the headaches and chest pain proceed. The doctor gave me pills for a week and immediately checked my oxygen level thinking it had something to do with my asthma. After we left the hospital my parents gave me shit not only because the doctor said it was nothing but also because I forgot my identity card at home. I’m starting to forget things for some reason and I want it to stop. If I keep on forgetting things I won’t be …

9

I didn’t jump. I lived to see my 16th birthday! :-)

  September 19th, 2017 by Dawnstar

Broken Arch

I’m not suicidal at this time, and this story, although true, has taken place in the past. Perhaps writing this is part of my own integration process, and maybe it can help somebody else, I don’t know? Anyway, hello everyone, and to quote Hannah from 13 Reasons Why, “It’s me, live and in stereo”! 😉

Unlike the Netflix series, I wish I could list specific reasons why I became suicidal. I wasn’t raped by a family member or anything like that, and I really have a life which (although certainly far from perfect) I’m sure many would be envious …

4

Any survivors blame their partner?

  September 6th, 2017 by lonely87

Im really struggling to understand how/why my husband chose not only to blame me but to make a campaign out of it in his suicide. His note blames a threat I made (I kept threatening to have him arrested for his violence, I was referring to historical violence but he was paranoid and thought I’d lie and say it was ongoing) but also makes reference to needing the kids to be saved from me, calling me a monster. He left a list of alleged domestic abuse I’d done which ranges from true, to lie, to downright bizarre, to deliberately calculated to sound like something bad …

1

Unnoticed

  September 4th, 2017 by AnonymousCK

I remember the first time I told someone in person that I had attempted suicide many times. I had just forfeited a debate round and my coach was furious. I was talking off my anxiety with the girl I still love today (4 years later).

I was walking on one of those concrete walls next to stairs outside, this one more tall than usual, personally I’m terrified of falling/heights. So to calm myself down I try to do something that is more terrifying than my thoughts, that’s how I overcome my anxiety attacks. So anyway I’m pacing back and forth on this wall talking to my friend and I just said “sometimes I just wish I’d fall off and die in a freak accident” and she just looks at me horrified (I don’t typically talk to anyone about personal things). She says “that’s not something to joke about” I simply told her that it wouldn’t be the first time I’d tried. She asked how many times and I told her I’d lost count. We left it at that.

I think the things that surprised me the most is that firstly it was actually fairly easy to tell someone and secondly that she had no idea.

Now I started this off by saying it was the first time I’ve told someone; however, it’s also the only time. Every other person never asked. How can someone have had ton of siblings and attempted many times over 8 years and no one notice?

 

My guess is they did.