Maybe if I write about it, it won’t come for me tonight. I’ve been having a recurring nightmare, that I’m back in the high school I went to, and I’m as old as I am now. I turned 34 on Wednesday, and I’m starting to feel a little old. There is no way I could be mistaken for a teenager, and in the dream I am mocked by the teachers of the classes; “That’s what happens to con artists.”

I’m not convinced they are wrong. I think I was a con artist, thinking I could pull a career out of my skills and limitations. Now what […]

how come whenever i’m just existing, i have this dreadful feeling? this sinking feeling in my gut and throat that my friends don’t love me, my parents dislike me, and the world is better off with me dead? i could be happy one moment, then shoot myself down in my own head by reminding me on how miserable i make the people around me.

im scared of death, but i want to die. im scared of the afterlife, or the lack of one. am i a good enough person to go to heaven? one day ill die, whether it be by my hand, someone else’s hand, […]

TV and social media show us the world through filters there all people are happy all families are structured. But where are the dysfunctional people, the poorly structured families, the broken people and the Suiciders like us?

We just don’t exist but we are everywhere and bet on saying we are the majority in this world.

Everyday is a lie Everyday we live a lie. Every day is the collective delusion of the lie.

I just wish my mom would try to understand my emotional pain. I wish she would support me emotionally. I wish she would tell me she loves me. I wish she wouldn’t put me down. I wish she wouldn’t judge me. I wish she could see the hurt she causes me. I wish I could hate her. I wish and wish and wish for the impossible when it comes to her. I know full well she isn’t the type of person I wish she could be. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose, it’s more like she’s blunt and doesn’t have a filter when […]

I feel like crap.  I just left an abusive relationship.
Had to call the damn cops over a nick on my elbow – because I didn’t want this: (bite mark on my arm)

Or this:
(emotional abuse)

Or this: (isolation) -Saint Catherine of Bologna
13

will the pain ever end?

Im back again bc my wish to die came back today.

I have no family, no friends, no one. I’ve tried to do my best in life being totally alone but I got fed up of being alone and have no hope that it would change.

Loneliness is too hard to bear for so many years!

Sincerely speaking, I should live more 30 years and I cant imagine how to bear so much time of loneliness.

I was at the bus stop at like 21:30 PM when this guy came out of the bus walked by and called me a f*gg*t while walking on his way to the grocery store. Since i don’t get harassed often for being trans i was a bit taken a back by his comment i still managed to shrug it off…i’ve had a pretty good day so far so that comment was a minor inconvenience in the moment.

Then the guy came back from the grocery store and came back to the bus stop. There i saw him pissing against a tree…and the rebel in me decided […]

I went to sleep somewhat calm about the situation and woke up anxious. It’s this constant back and forth of being calm and being anxious that’s starting to grind on me right now. I’m not sure if I’m grateful for those momentary moments of calm or resentful. Being anxious all the time would be awful, but having that calm ripped away from you to go back to the worry and fear feels also terrible. It’s like a man dying of thirst that is then periodically offered a tiny sip of water and no more. Was he better off continuing to […]

i’m just so angry all the time. from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep. sometimes it’s dulled and turns into to numbness but every time i get a flashback to what he used to do to me i’m filled with this insane intense rage and i can’t escape it. i used to just be sad but that’s finally turned to anger and idk how to deal with it. i’m angry at the world, angry at him for doing all he did, angry at everyone who still believes i ‘wanted it’. i’m fucking livid with myself though. i let myself […]

I don’t want to be me anymore. The things I have in my head – it would be better if they didn’t exist in the world. I don’t think I’m capable of living a worthwhile life. And I don’t want to be this miserable pathetic wretch. But I’m scared that it won’t end with death. I’m scared to let go. And I don’t want to ruin the lives of my family.

I’ve got a younger brother, who in my house is a fucking angel child. Every fucking day I’m compared to him. Like “Oh (deadname) Why can’t you be more like your little brother! Hes younger than you! He does his chores, he cleans his room, makes his bed. Why can’t you be like him?”
I don’t fucking know! Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fucking be here. I have fucking school! “Why can’t you keep up on your chores?”, Maybe it because I don’t have the fucking energy to do anything once I’m home! I go to school, deal with freshman all fucking day, […]

hi, i’m reaching a breaking point and i just need to vent. buckle up, there’s several years worth of garbage in here, and it’ll probably be near-incomprehensible because i am both very stressed out and very tired, sorry. so i haven’t been doing well since i was twelve, but i’ve kind of brushed it off because i figured that i was too little to have any real problems, as did my mother when i brought it up to her. but it’s been a few years, and i’ve only gotten worse. almost everything makes me nervous now, i can’t just talk to my friends or leave […]

A few months ago, I’ve had the unique experience of experiencing time dilation first-hand.

I had tried smoking pot a couple times last year, to alleviate the anxiety I feel. It seemed like a good idea because I know other people who use it for just that – and they seemed happy with the results. The first time I successfully got high was pretty good too, so I continued.

That was, until late November of last year, I experienced hell. I experienced the ironic testament that spit in the face of all the cautionary tales I had told myself about immortality, and how it would be a […]

Theres this new Mental Health Support discord. It is for when you need someone to talk to in the moment. You can use it as a place to recover or just as a place to get support in the moment.

https://discord.gg/dG4g5QQsd2

had a crisis chat sometime ago, kept telling me shit about “I feel like you’re depressed..” no shit, im here for a reason. i feel killing myself. what the fuck is wrong with these stupid ass chatrooms?

Hello friends,

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a year ago. It was my first obvious hypomanic episode, ie the best 6 weeks of my life – felt like a superhero. Damn it I wish I could bottle that stuff to take a swig of in the bad times. I reckon I got more done in those 6 weeks than in the previous 5 years.

Anyway I’m hoping there are some bipolar 1 or 2 fellow travellers out there who can share your perspective. Maybe even a word of advice. I know precisely 0 people with this disorder IRL

To clarify I was depressed for about 20y before […]

i just want to be loved, i just want to find someone i can call my new big brother, i just want to be cared for.

i feel so used and abused, im so tired all of the time. im sorry im failing everything, im really struggling. please, let me talk to anyone, just someone. i just want to watch someone play games and have a laugh. i just want to be happy. im tired of the pain in my gut and throat, im so tired of being stupid, im so tired of living. i just want to sleep forever. i just want someone to tell […]

I know a big one is “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” the problem with this one being, it’s not always a temporary problem.

I’m curious what some unhelpful phrases you have heard are?

I remember briefly reading this one reddit post about being fated to die by suicide. Some people are meant to be doctors, some are meant to be successful and rich. Some, are just meant to suffer and die. Maybe that’s it. But because life is unfair like that, we’re all still here doing whatever we need to do.

Am I fated to die by my own hands myself? I don’t know for sure but I don’t think I could live a good fairly smooth life in this lifetime. Everything I try to do to increase my social standing I back off from it on my own. […]