there’s nothing more terrifying than returning to your body only to realize that hours have passed and you can’t remember anything that happened during that time period. being co-conscious and watching an alter take the front when I’m trying to do something important is the most frustrating shit. i’m the host. i don’t like relinquishing control of the front (not like I have a fucking choice) because i am in control the majority of the time. the worst part is that the particular alter that keeps taking the front is RARELY co-conscious so she literally just jumps in for 20 minutes, has no idea what the […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
(this is just a ramble )
Ever since I was little, I felt like was not wanted.
The more I think of anything , the less I can do. I didn’t ask to be born, and with time I have left, I will find strength to die by my own hand. I like to hope so at least.
I was given many things other people would like to have, I didn’t have too bad life, but it sucks too much.
Does it suck for everyone? Do I get the right to complain? Who do I even ask that? Not even the people who suffer the most can know, […]
I’m tired… I could honestly just leave it at that and it would be correct, but I need to vent.
I’ve come so far in the last few years, done things I never thought possible and grown and loved and lost and loved again, unhealthy healthy, working and jobless, overall progress. And yet, I’m still empty. I still have intrusive suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. I don’t want to hurt anyone but damn does it seem nice to just give in and stop feeling.
I’ve always been more emotional than my peers, which as a man hasnt helped me much. The older I get the […]
don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t touch me
i can feel his hands around my neck he won’t let go he won’t let go he won’t let go
****** im sorry im sorry im sorry
he’s not really here but i can still feel everything
he was never here
******, how have you found me? how do you continue to torment me? i haven’t spoken to you since late september
i will never be able to forget the feeling of a razor being dragged down my face
over. and over. and over.
it still burns.
I am at the point where I do not want to fail anymore. For every one item I get right, there are at least 12 I am getting wrong and doing damage to someone, somewhere.
It is not necessarily difficult to “get up”, “keep trying”, since “you are such a good (parent, sibling, co-worker, friend, student, insert whatever here)”. It is difficult hearing people actually believe that it is going to get better. For some, sure it does get better. For me, not so much. I have hope without faith.
It gets better only when I become available to assist with whatever they need. I hear them, […]
Hi, I’m 20 years old and I’m a trans-masculine person. I go by any set of pronouns, they/them is probably my favorite but tbh it’s the internet, I don’t really care. I’ve been playing guitar for 8 years now and I fuck with video games, currently COD war zone is my favorite. I spend waaay too much time online.
While I’ve had suicidal ideation since childhood, it’s been getting steadily worse over the course of quarantine.
I decided to finally make an account after using this site as an observer for about 5 years now, mainly because I think I’ve learned a lot about myself and […]
scared of the influence i have over others, and i wish i didn’t have any sort of power
you said to me that i’d learn to love you
and i did.
but, no matter how hard i try
i can’t seem to un-learn.
mental health go down
Hello, so let’s just start this off with a “I should be dead right now” I have no idea why I’m still alive. My girlfriends in the past have cheated on me and my girlfriend now likes someone else and hates me. My family told me to kill myself many times in the past and doesn’t care about me. I’m alone and by myself. I’ve tried many MANY times in the past and failed. Every. Single. Time. The closest I’ve ever come to death is a car accident in 2017 and I was in a 8 month coma. God only KNOWS how I came out […]
Hi.
I didn’t check on my post a few days after I uploaded it, so I didn’t reply to anyone.
I wanted to do so, so it wouldn’t look like I’m dead.
In the meanwhile I did try to commit, “first time” (I was anorexic in the past, I don’t know if it counts). I came out whole.
My dad beat me up a week ago.
I’m fine, my right leg twitched uncontrollably for a minute but now it’s gone. I’m not sure how I should feel about it though.
It started when they spilled ink on my table when I told them to leave me alone, […]
Ah yes, THIS.
https://www.cnbc.com/2021/01/22/new-wharton-study-people-are-happier-when-they-earn-more-money.html
I’m so tired of ppl shoveling “money isn’t important” to our faces.
—–
“Conventional wisdom suggests that “money can’t buy you happiness.” And well-known research from 2010 had shown that people tend to feel happier the more money they make only up until a point of about $75,000 a year.
But according to a new study out of University of Pennsylvania’s The Wharton School, people’s well-being rises with the amount of money they make, even beyond $75,000.
Money affords people autonomy to make choices about how they live their lives, Matthew Killingsworth, study author and senior fellow at Wharton, who studies human happiness, said in […]
“money isn’t important”
“money doesn’t bring you happiness”
blah blah blah
well being poor sure as f*** make happiness, peace, friendships, good health- all those things- damn near impossible.
-i’m sick and in constant pain- money would sure help in the health dept, as well as paying ppl for stuff i can’t do or have a hard time doing. or too fatigued or depressed to do
-i have shit neighbors that are so fucking noisy and i have zero peace- if i had money, i’d leave go and somewhere better. heck, at this point, i’m done with the US. i want to […]
This small safe place, this fragile platform I reside upon, held up by wobbly supports and stabilized with crutches, pull one out and see what happens, watch it collapse.
I’m trying to shut this one negative out without pulling down everything else with it. Splashing into that toxic swamp that is my past. I’m holding on.
I’m just trying to pretend I’m normal, not this thing I was mutated into.
Wow when did I become that woman in a relationship with a man who calls me
F*** F****** S**** B****
What happened? When did it happen?
How did I get here?
I feel like I’m drowning
I’m not upset
I’m just
In shock
How did I get here in my life?
What kind of person am I?
What is my future?
How can I escape this vicious cycle?
I’m married to a man and we don’t understand each other. Not really.
Some times are so good. Some times are so bad. Most of the time it’s boring. We don’t like a lot of the same things. Yet I care for him. I can’t leave him.
When we argue, and I try to be an adult, or he does, it just dissolves, it doesn’t work. We’re too triggered by each other’s vices.
But we do have similar worldview. And sense of humor.
I would like to leave, I’ve even slept over at my work, but I just can’t.
So I don’t need advice […]
I quit my job at the end of December because i was being forced to work multiple positions that I wasn’t hired to do. I tried them out and decided it’s not for me. I hate feeling like i have to explain why i quit a job that i hated and wasnt appreciated at. I’ve been looking for jobs and going on every interview but can’t find anything worth while. I’m at a loss. I want to do something fulfilling and make decent money like everyone but it seems impossible.
I’m unsure about my relationship with my bf. He’s caring and sweet when it comes […]
When I was in the russian supermarket today, the happy disco music which my mother said, was from her youth, didn’t sound so happy to me. Frankly I wasn’t hearing it at all. I was spaced out. I couldn’t believe I was so deeply unhappy with my life and for how unkind people had been all my life towards me. I didn’t even know what I wanted. Cookies, coffee, cinnamon.? I want nothing. I just want these thoughts to stop.
For every friend talking to their important friends or posting something on instagram instead of talking to me. I’m just f*cking done. I was a long […]
****** im so sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry. im sorry for ******* *** **. please don’t get **** ** ******. i broke my promise to ******* ***. i couldn’t ******* **** either. im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry
why am i sorry
why am i apologizing
to the person who destroyed me
what the fuck is wrong with me?
you did unspeakable things to me. things i will never be able to forget or erase from this body. i still have the scars, your name included. i still have the wax burns.
i love you but i fucking hate your guts. you’ve taken everything from me yet […]