I’ve been locking myself away. Haven’t spoken to any of my friends in a month now. I guess I feel like I can’t hurt anyone if I keep myself in a bubble. Me putting myself out there has only caused problems form everyone else. I’m taking steps to make sure I hurt as few people as possible once I finally kill myself. This is one of them.

I know a lot of people are thinking, “why don’t you just do it?” Unfortunately, I’m still living with my family during this pandemic. I don’t want them to have to find my body. The situation will be traumatizing […]

30 years old, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never had my own house, car, money, job, still living with my mother and grandmother, they don’t understand me, make my life hard, I take these antipsychotics for more than 10 years, all this time I’ve been suffering so much, I can’t connect with anybody, my neighbors suck. As a child and teenager life had ups and downs. I have problems because of these pills but doctors can’t help me. My father lives on a different street from the same neighborhood, he has his own problems. Both of my grandfathers are dead.

Humans are just capitalist robots/machines. fuck it ! biological sack of shits. Programmed just simply only to survive, and repeating boring shits routines everyday. Most humans are laughable in all their so-called “works, jobs, business, professional” yada yada fucking menial & tedious boring shits like that. What is all of this, seriously? Is that all there is to our supposedly meaning of life? Is that all there is to our so-called “purpose” ? Fuck it all ! We are going nowhere. And even if we do, our so-called “progress” is still laughable, when compared to our most creative & wildest imaginations & fantasy. And most […]

if you ever need someone to talk to, please email me.

you are loved. i love you.

siaaaaa114@gmail.com

suicidal thoughts I just can’t seem to shake- but is it really unhealthy to have these? even when there is a 95% change I will not go through with it? I cannot keep changing medication, I am finding it very hard to accept my mental illness, bipolar II, but I cannot handle changing meds again. Does anhyone have positive experineces with EMDR or other forms of talk therapy? The worse I feel, honestly the less I want to even try new medications, because for the most part, I can deal with these feelings. On nights like tonight though, when I let myself get fucked up- […]

How can I stop this feeling?

My tests say that I show extreme Alexithymia traits. Is that actually a thing? I don’t know. I don’t care about/for anyone. I just don’t give a fuck. I’m an awful person to even begin with. If you showed me a video of a child getting sawed, I’d stand stock-still. But if you showed me a video of an animal being abused, I’d flinch at a stroke. I don’t fucking understand myself. I hate humans. You could come to me crying, and I’d ask you to just fuck it and nothing more. I can’t help you with your emotional needs ‘cause I don’t relate. […]

I noticed after a month that my old scars from knives still haven’t healed. That’ll be very problematic if the Bio-Oil doesn’t work it’s magic…

I tried heating a spoon up over fire and sliding it across my skin. It gives a little relief, but it’s not the same… it doesn’t look the greatest either.

I wish I could cut myself to feel better and not have to deal with the scars. Haha.

i can barely think. it’s as if my brain had stopped running. i don’t know how or what or why, i don’t know how i feel.my emotions and thoughts feel mechanical if i try to observe myself with attention, but if i don’t try i can barely notice a thing. nothing really goes on in my head anymore.
but this is normal.

i just want to be back to being miserable, i miss having an episode, i wish i could cry and go into panic attacks, i don’t know who i am without those emotions. that was once the only acceptable state i could see myself in, […]

I have no real outlet for the loneliness I feel. Reaching out to others doesn’t help. I’ve cut myself off from everyone morally and psychologically. Which means all I have is myself. And I’m tired of me.

I wish I could go back to before I made myself this. So much of the time, I want not to be me anymore. For the self-awareness to be gone. So I can experience the world fully again, without the burden of my identity.

It’s such a waste of a life, to be so inhibited. Someone else could be using this oxygen, and really making the most of it. I […]

i have no where else to say this. a few days ago i called my dad out on making racist comments/jokes. he was not happy at all. my son is half black so it is unacceptable to me. i don’t care if it’s jokes to him it’s simply not what i want my son to grow up hearing. so anyways it’s been a few days later and we have not spoken. which i am okay with. he doesn’t realize his toxic behaviors towards me. it sucks i live hear and under certain circumstances i am stuck here. i am stuck forever or at least for […]

hi, my name isn’t actually mary but i’ll pretend it is to stay anonymous.

i’m a 13 year old who is struggling and wants help. i just want someone to listen to my rant.

my parents are getting divorced. i dont really exactly know how to feel but i hate the way i’ve been feeling. ive been using food, games, and music as a coping mechanism. i’ve gotten so unhealthy and unhappy mentally and physically. i’ve had to move to a whole different country just so my parents could get divorced. no one has realized this has been affecting me so much. it’s been almost a year […]

I’ve been thinking about things that have happened to me a lot lately, and I have realised that I am stranded, stuck, lost, alone in this world now.

My parents, as much as I love them dearly, have no idea about what I’ve been through, and wouldn’t (couldn’t) understand if they did.

My friends don’t understand why I am not the same, why I am not the old me. They have noticed that I am not miraculously better, even after being given time and space.

The only one who does know, is the one that left me like this, and they don’t care. They just went back to […]

It’s getting a lot harder to fight against this feeling anymore… I’m trying so hard to get better. To feel better. To act better. I’m trying to think in a better manner. Think in a way that doesn’t jump to death right away. But it’s getting tiring, and I’m not sure I have the endurance to keep going

I found a few things that I care about a lot recently. Things that give me a bit of life. But today especially, they’re not enough.

As much as I want to learn the language that I’ve been devoting my time, or practice the sport that I’ve discovered, or […]

I feel like I have a blockage, I feel like a prisoner, like I can’t escape, like I can’t keep evolving, I feel stuck. Feeling like I can’t take it anymore.

As short as life is, i’m sick of actual living. My forth coming. My shit family that i was born into, literally almost no help or friends. Just me and my suffering. Just me and misery. And health problems you do get in life, don’t get better. They gradually get worse and worse until your problems consume you. I wish i was much more careful and wary as a kid. But thats not how life works. Any given day, your life can change for the worse or better and what happens, can be for the rest of your life. You know people out in prison […]

Hello. I randomly stumbled across this site. Maybe it can help or maybe it its a waste of time. who knows, but here goes nothing.

I am a 30 year old African American male in Columbus Ohio. I recently moved back after my mother passed last month. It has been very devastating to me physically, emotionally, and psychologically (like death usually is from my understanding). I cant sleep well, I have to force myself to eat, and many days I dont even want to get out of bed. This stems from so much in my life while on the outside looks as though I’ve achieved much, […]

help

I wish I meet people who resemble me, who can understand me, who share my point of view or ideas, and together we try to achieve some things.

Are you dead yet?. Cause I am, I’ve been dead on the inside for as long as I can remember but the sad truth is that I don’t want to die. I want to be alive so to live and smell the sweet aromatic fragrance of flowers and the fresh air above the mountain peaks…Where can I go to find solace? Is there any place on earth that I can just move to? How do I exist in a new land? Am I going to conform or rebel?

Or maybe the sanctuary is within me, my bodily temple that I’ve neglected to appreciate.

Shall I seek revenge […]