they say im in “la-la land.” i like it here, nobody’s mean to me. am i the happy girl everyone thinks i am? or is that just a shell that covers whats really there. do they think i dont care about not having friends? they could never be more wrong. if anyone knew i was really a depressed, suicidal, freak, than the rejection would be so much worse. i would love to kill myself and see if anyone noticed. even if they did, they wouldnt care. nobody cares. my whole life feels numb. i never really thought of myself as a cutter. i guess i […]
I’m…I don’t know what I am. Depressed? Bipolar? According to a medical diagnosis, probably not. I’ve read stories on here that speak of not being able to even get up in the morning, who can’t find the will to do anything. I, however, get up, I go to school, put on a smile, talk to people, act normal. Inside, I’m a complete mess. School is like my own personal hell. I really don’t have friends. I’m so alone and yet surrounded by people. I hate life. I want to die. God, how I just want to end this torture. There are some days I actually […]
I am a little bit ashamed i am here now. I am not thinking about suicide again, at least not so often. I just have this constant feeling of being down.
I am sometimes thinking i am not capable of feeling good or enjoying life. I have those episodes of euphoria when something incredible happens and when life surprises me spontaneously. But i feel they are terribly rare. I know i have no reason to be unhappy because i have so many things and new people around me and i even learned to be happy because of others. I also tried to talk about my problems […]
i feel like shit, it feels like i am only myself when i am like this: suicidal, depressed, angry , and what more. Its like i am half awake when i am ”acting” happy in front of others. i can’t really explain it, lately i have been thinking about something to cause me a lot of pain. i need hurt to feel alive, but i find myself doing nothing but praying for pain. i am weird , i really am, there is something wrong with me. i ”bully” myself a lot less when i am already in pain, and i also mean terrible situations. […]
I always think back to when I tried to kill myself last year, OD-ing, and now I really wish I did it. Here’s some reasons why.
1. My family would finally wake up and face reality that everything is NOT “alright”
2. I would be in a better place than alive and my friends wouldn’t care
3. I wouldn’t always have my suicidal thoughts or this “illness”
4. People would actually think about me
5. At least one person would remember me
After thinking about that, I think of other reasons to why I’m alive.
1. My family sometimes cares enough about me to actually remember me from time to time.
2. Â I […]
Past a few weeks after crash with me and my Love. I divorced with him, he didn’t with me. Really insane situation. He still needs time and time after time making some short conversation, but as a real Black Scorpio i am living my life without him and not hoping anything.
Before this boyfriend i had a very very very very very big symphaty. He is so great: very funny, smart, working as a reanimatologist, so beautiful, but… usualy he’s just bastard – telling everything what he thinks and talking very dirty things. Last summer we’ve been dating, but he never kissed me as french or […]
walking without standing
laughter without joy
speaking without sound
smiling without hope
moving forward but staying exactly where I am
I smile when I feel like crying
I act like your okay
when am really falling apart inside
and I let it go
I move on because theres nothing else I can do or say……
His voice is still ringing in my head. I lost the most amazing person on febuary 6, 2011. he told me to never give up, but i cant do it anymore. i need to see him one last time, and tell him i love him. i just want to see his smiling face, and hearing him knock on my window on late summer nights wanting to go riding, and sitting in his truck singing taylor swift songs wearing cut offs and teeshirts. i miss him so much.
losing him was the worst thing ever. Getting the call in class and hearing he put a gun in […]
My heart is breaking. i cannot do this anymore. i’m just a shell of who i was, im no longer there, so why do you try to keep me here, when it’s not me anymore? my demons have overpowered me, the voices in my head have overpowered me, and the people have too….
i cannot keep living this way, i will not survive the physical and emotion pain anymore. im sick off this. i cant keep living. it hurts to wake up in the morning. i wish i could be strong like him, but i cant. It hurts to breathe. I wish […]
Hi,
I don’t come on here much-some of the replies I get actually make me feel worse. But its the only anonymous place I can express my feelings without fear of being locked up or talked down to(well,as I said earlier,some on here continue to,but its easier to ignore a post than a person LOL!!)
Anyway,I’ve almost made it to my trip to Australia,so yay me!! for hanging on. I am going solo, and plan to have an awesome time. After that,I’m going to give myself the ultimate reward.
I have absolutely nothing to come back to,and my life is going to be a thousand times bleaker upon […]
when i was 13 years old, i think this was the moment which made my life sucks. i had this thing of eating anything and everythign. so when i was near that beach near my house, i found those stones very interesting and had the tendency to eat them, tried eating a relatively big one, but wasnt able to. then i tried eating those small stones and my life got sucked up for more than a year, as they had to removed by an operation which costed me more than i earned for the next 2 years of my life. now […]
My life has been hard, I mean a life of abuse and neglect really messes with a person. But it’s not my life that I hate and want to end its me it’s my brain, I’ve been diagnosed with depression, eating disorders & anxiety. I self harm a lot. Anyway my head will never shutup it’s like I have a voice in my head telling me to give up telling me I’m fat and ugly and pointless and worthless. You see it’s not my life or even the people in it that I want to get away from, it’s myself I can’t live with myself.. […]
I don’t know what to do, when my ex and I were still together, she told me that i was a liar… How could I be if I had never spoken untrue words. When I thought telling her a certain something, no matter the consequences. I still told her faithfully. I was over at a friends house, whom my ex didn’t trust around me only because she thought that I would cheat on her, I still told her where I was. And once she told me that she was furious with me. I walked to her house, in my worst allergy, the Sun. Through out […]
Well it started off in the 8th grade i just really liked girls more than guys for some reason i dont know why then i started going to highschool and ofcourse more girls but then one day i met this wonderful girl she was amazing i loved everything about her then a few months later she became my best friend and then i started crushing on her and then i fell in love with her but what really hurts is that she likes guys and i always thought to myself she likes me but i led myself on so i switched back to guys and […]
My suicidal thoughts are still here. I’m easily irritated, but at least I stopped choking. Now I smoke weed to take the stress and pain away. I flirt with my cousin hoping she falls for me, which is only a dream…
I go to school, unconsciously shifting through class to class as a monotonous routine. My end feels so distant, yet so close. I want to off myself, but I don’t have the willpower to do it. Fuckin
…
Yeah um sorry bout the anger and rage.
@one_day that electrifying kiss thing was yeah a bit of a thought as true love. Death just seems like […]
So to the new people. I am a 16 year old (17 on the first of march) male who has fallen in love with his 15 year old cousin whom knows about that as I told it to her and she has accepted that. I will make it short as my iphone has become very glitchy and my safari crashes. Well I can’t say I’m doing much better as I have no way of controlling my anger yet my favorite passtime is video games. Thats why i was pissed. I was blinded by rage not realizing there was an autosave feature on this site for […]
Yeah I hate who I am completely now.
I’m insecure about my weight I’m 14 and last time I weighed myself (6 months ago) I weighed 124 lbs. and im 5’4 is that fat? I think Ive become anorexic because i limit myself to 1 meal a day and I starve myself as punishment.
My self-esteem is so low even though it was so high. Ive made it a hobby to compare myself to my girlfriends ex’s it’s torture but what can I say.
My stupid social anxiety is what I hate the most though >:( its gets in the way and I’ve told my […]
hi so this is my frist time posting somthing…u have no idea how relieved i am to realize im not the only one :)…this week just well sucked is the only pg word i can think of. I love drama, random fact. Not the dumb guy high school crap drama but threater being on stage being able to be someone else if only for a second. It was my escape my happy place. Im a senior and i was in drama my freshman and sophmore yr…then ididnt get into 3rd yr..our final was our play, ironicly i played a dead woman(of natural causes). 3 people […]