This is the free me who just had fun and got out and partied, now im just boring all the time my friends want to hang out i just want to sleep i cant get out of this funk. im trying to be more positive and be strong and tell myself things will get better but they just suck right now and i feel selfish in a way because i want to put my grandma in a home because im not fit to be taking care of her all the time when i can barely […]

My problem is so unique and I wish I could say that is a good thing. It’s not my biggest problem but it occupies so much of my daily thinking that it is strong enough (when added to my other problems)  to push me to kill myself. I am only 29 but if not for the ONE girl I found in  high school……I would still be a virgin. Not a big deal one may say…..BUT…..I was born socially retarded…..I just can’t seem to get my shit together enough to have normal relations with the opposite sex. Oh I can carry on a conversation with girls […]

Today i felt would be a good day to plunge the knife into my heart, i have been in a dark place for so long dating well back into my childhood, years of countless bullying, failure attempts at trying to renew my life and the endless discust of what my mind has now become.

For a long time i blamed the world, i suppose truthfully deep down i still do, though as time has moved on and my 23rd birthday passed me by i slowerly stopped hating the world and instead just accepted maybe i was the broken one. I had lived with the idea of […]

I didn’t know where else to turn.  I tried to call the prevention hotline but the waiting on hold part made me feel ridiculous.  I want to tweet and ask for help but my inlaws subscribe to me and probably think I’m nuts as it is from the tweets I’ve posted all day.  I don’t even need comments, I don’t even know if I will be able to figure out how to check them.  I just needed to talk, to say it out loud, to feel like someone actually cares.  Not like I’m a nuisance, that I am taking up time and space.  I don’t […]

ok so i had this rly great boyfriend we dated 4 almost 7 mths n he always said hed never hurt me but last nite he texted me and told me that we were over and didnt give a explanition 4 it at all he said he never wanted to tlk 2 me agin n tht he didnt care what i did becuz i hurt him. how? i have no idea should i try to tlk 2 him and see if we can work on our relationship or should i just move on?

I’ve been waiting two years for things to just ‘get better’, as everyone else seems to think and say it will, But I’m tired of waiting. I’m going to make this happen for myself.

These little delusions and little voices will die with my depression, I’m not letting this become schitziophenia. I’m not.

I’m going to get over my fears, everytime I flinch, I’m going to fucking hit myself. Associate being afraid with physical pain, and also, maybe if I hit myself hard enough, it’ll take my mind away from the thoughts and memories. If the self beatings won’t work, I’ll resite the two times table in […]

It’s my last day online, for tomorrow me and my partner are heading out to that beautiful location that points 350 feet down to freedom. Initially I didn’t want to say goodbye but I’m bored and so I guess I’ll write until time runs out. I’m not exactly sure what to tell the world, like fuck you all or be blessed. Tomorrow, I’ll celebrate like there’s no tomorrow… (haha! ironic, isn’t it) and I know i will for It’ll be the best day of my life. I have no guilt or regrets and I will not miss anything here although some of you have truely […]

id rather do nothing and be happy, than do something i know i don’t love.

but doing nothing never achieves something…

this evening was fun… almost forgot how much i hated this place… for a breif moment i even forgot how much i miss that place called home…

I like rabbit’s maybe i get one for like a pet I hope hammy made it to the forest anyway soon be easter I don’t under stand what’s it got to do with rabbit’s I don’t under stand the hole egg thing to o well.

Can’t sleep. Watching the same shit on tv that I always do… I’m just a waste of space. A waste of a person. I would trade my life for someone who greatly wants one like those poor kids who have cancer or leukemia. I would spare mine in a heartbeat. When I believed in GOD, I prayed to him asking him to take my life away and to give it to one of those kids….

Again, counting down the days that I actually kill myself. Feelings are stronger than I ever felt. I know I won’t live to see my 23rd bday. My gift to […]

Only come across the site yesterday, so thought what the hell I will join.  I’m not sure I have story’s to compare to some of what I have read, or that I am at the depths of despair – yet.  Following a series of events over many years a about a month ago I “snapped” went on a drink and drug induced rampage of smashing things up not eating or sleeping for almost a week, my friend took me to the doctors now on anti depressants, the feeling to end my life is still there however I no longer feel consumed by it 24/7, however some nights it still seems the […]

I have wants
that I know cannot be fulfilled
I desire a life
that is always fleeting
and will never be mine
Filled with dreams
that never take flight
Scared to hope
knowing I’ll be denied
So I’m left wandering
searching for something that matters
Idly waiting for something to happen
All the while knowing
expectations breed disappointment
I’m seen as cynical and dejected
but really I’m just being sensible
I keep wishing on flame-less candles
because, even light can’t save me now

I feel so guilty. There are so many people who have it way worse than I do. Who am I to complain when others are so trapped that they actually follow through and shoot themselves in the head? I know that everyone has problems, but some are worse than others, right? I hate my life, but I’m too afraid to actually kill myself. If I really did have a bad life, then I would have killed myself too. So maybe I don’t even deserve to be on here. I’m just a fake who wants people to feel bad for her. I’m just a useless, lazy, […]

I’m depressed. I feel like there’s no point to life. Am I wasting my time. Why am I here. Am I going to accomplish and fulfill my purpose. Materialistic things don’t even matter. You cant take them with you when you die. Suicide sits in the back of my mind. But what happens after that. Why am I not happy. Why am I always stressed out. Why do I not care about the people that love me. I’m searching for light in a room with no windows. Trapped in this box of emptiness. There’s no way out. Are drugs the answer. Is God the […]

I try to look calm on the outside to hide what’s going on inside.

The truth is a war’s being raged in me.

Two sides always trying to take control, but neither has won yet.

It doesn’t stop,

So let’s drown out the noise with some good tunes.

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Your work is the best Nujabes. RIP.

“And all the time that we walked barefoot in the sand somehow we never felt the rain.. I could walk off the hurt, run through the pain, wipe all the tears pouring down my face. Deny the dream that just never was. I just can’t walk off the buzz..” -Blessid Union of Souls

Well, it’s been nearly a year since the ‘big break up.’ I’m almost scared to believe it but, I think things are getting better. I think I’m getting better. I don’t constantly obsess over what could’ve been done differently anymore, and I’ve started feeling happy more often than I feel depressed. It could […]

Woke up earlier than usual, hung out with BF for a bit, ate some applesauce, went to his work to go charge my three laptops to find there was no internet access there…. So I’m planning on library, Friday. Anyway, that was 4 hours of almost complete bordem, just talked to BF’s Friend most of the time, and played either minecraft or mahjong on the laptop that had them. Dropped off at Kroger to turn in $17.70 in cans/bottles, and walked home. Sat around with BF, his friend and another friend until BF, the other friend, and and BF’s Cousin left do go shoot a […]

The time will come.
Slogans all over. False prophets emerged.
Kill the evils. Sacrifice. Repent your sins. Come to the Lord. Save yourself and for your own redemption.
While the real deal on Earth is only, not to let evil possessing you.

Good and evil are one thread close.
They all have signatures, and their markings are similar.

Swastika ! Those alleged good guys are marked with 7.
Of those four 7’s, all pointed to a centre.
Some with those 7 all flipped 180° . Some stack two 7’s head to head and create a mirror’s double effect of four 7’s.
But only the ones made up […]

I would cause a lot of stress on my family. But they would cry and get over it. My friends would not know so they would forget quickly. My love will die with me. Problem solved there.
I want to kill myself tonight. I have every reason to… I need someone to talk to.. Can’t stop shaking

It’s 8.. At night.

I’m sitting here.

Alone.

I’ve never been more happy.