An overview as to the main experience that led to my suicidal desires.

 

This site…its changed me.

My new dark obssession…

I thought I was messed before I joined,

Studying the paranormal, my fascination with eyes and such,

but no, this site has me on making these little rants because I hurt.

Because I want people to know how messed up I am.

Neglected, taunted, teased, degraded, heart broken

This is what has happened to me in the past year.

Not much to some of you but this is what created my downwords spiral.

Something tells me that I should just shut up and stop complaining…

Well this is a picture of me, you may think I look normal, but I’m far from it.

My peers are all supermodels […]

Everyday I wake up and wish that I hadn’t. I’ve felt this way since I was at least 15, I am now 27. I’m on anti depressants, but they don’t seem to help much. My family ignores more. My mother belittles everyone in our house and I often wonder how my father has stayed with her all these years. I’m scared that I will slowly turn into her and that thought is always with me. What if I wake up one day and am as mean and as hypocritical as her. It seems like everything I do is […]

 

This is messed up.

How am I meeting so many kind and intelligent people on this site, and yet they are troubled?

Things aren’t always what they seem.

But still, so many kind people willing on giving up their lives.

What has this evil and cruel world come too?

All the good fading and the evil rising…

If anyone ever needs to talk about anything at all don’t be shy, please email me and we can talk about anything at all, if you need help I will gladly give it.

I may be only 15 but I’m told I give good advice.

Here’s my email: leaffan64@hotmail.com

Don’t be shy or embarressed about what […]

You mother fucker you take every thing away . I loved my father i was daddys little girl , he was going to surprise us for thanksgiving , and christmas you mother fucker I want to go. How come you cant take me too , you mother fucker take me from this Earth. Make my family hert more then you already made them you mother fucker. […]

I just dont want to live anymore,

Im 17, i live in this village, which i can not get out of, without £4.50  or lifts from my parents.. and i have no job , so im pretty much stuck in here 24/7 and i have to stay in the bathroom because i share a room with my sister and my house is tiny, and i dont really get on with my sister and my rooms DISGUSTING. it just makes me so angry.. i cant escape.

I feel like “my friends” dont actually care about me.. like if i say yeah i have had a bad day or […]

i have always been a weird person and i have never been able to explain myself to other people properly. i’ve therefore developed an instinct of looking “normal” in my day to day life and keeping my own feelings and opinions to myself all the time so that e.g. i won’t be bullied at school, i won’t be shunned by my colleagues at work, i won’t be scolded by my parents etc.. i also never trusted people easily due to bad memories and experiences, mostly due to ex-boyfriends that i was stupid enough to open up to only to be turned down and dumped or […]

Twenty five years on and nothing seems to have changed. I am 46 this year and yet I feel as I did at 21, still confused, still frightened, still lost. Depression has consumed so much of my life and despite treatment, despite therapy, despite all, continues to dominates all; now exhausted I consider taking my life. Why not ? Well there are a thousand reasons but nine of them seem to count in the morning when the fear seems to be at it’s worst. I stagger about wanting only to end the pain and yet could I go through with it ? My father killed […]

These feelings have been with me as long as my skin,

and these thoughts will kill me as long as I live.

I don’t know what to do anymore… I have been dating the same girl for the past five years on and off… I cheated on her twice being dumb… After I realized what I had she had already started dating my best friend to get me back… They lasted about a month and then she came back to me and the relationship went on… Over the next couple years we were planning to move out and get married and start new lives together… Recently she started treating me real bad giving me an attitude all the time when I would call her to see how […]

 Jaime and I were very close friends.  The one thing that i remember the most about Jaime is, he saved my life last year.  I was in a terrible place, i got off the path with God and I was headed in the wrong direction.  I was being picked on at school and I felt like i had no where to turn.  I had my mind set, i was going to take my own life.  I felt like Jaime was the only person that could talk to.  Keep in mind that i had my death planned.  I was ready to leave this terrible place where I […]

Give everything you have.  Share your soul, your possessions, your heart and your feelings.But remember that kindness attracts the weak.

Don’t say anything that weak people can’t handle.  Weak people are just that; weak. You cannot think aloud among the weak. You cannot really be “human” among the weak. Because they are weak….

“Weak” is not a negative term.* One can be physically weak without invoking the disdain of others. It should be no different in reference to emotional weakness.

Don’t decide to be kind to the weak and then expect them to be strong.  If you cannot monitor […]

 

 I am an odd child, I will admit.

I like things most people my age would never take an interest in.

I’m sorry I’m different.

Different…

A word which means abnormal, feared or even on good terms unique.

What’s the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

A brillant song from a brillant band, I relate most of my life from songs like this.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, well how come no one can see the real me, buried beneath these layers of flesh? The real me that vanished.

I see you lying next to […]

I was gone from all this shit for a good while…but it just always seems to find me again. Everything in life gets me down. Im not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough. I mean right now im doing so horrible in school, why do I even try? Death has to be the only answer. Ive thought long and hard and my life will NEVER get better. I have came to the fact that I will die soon. The only reason for stopping me is the loved ones who are close, who try to help but it never works. I walk around in […]

Not sure if I’m the alone one here keeping myself alive not only by partially being a coward (no offense intended) but also by thinking: “What if aliens land tomorrow?” Sometimes, I’ll be sitting in my bed with a knife, thinking about how nice the pain would feel again. No, not the reaction afterwords, the pain in general. But then I think, what if that really cool demon from hell comes and decides he loves me? I immediately put the knife down. What if ninjas abduct me? I can’t run while losing blood. Or, I’ll never be great psychonaut if I can’t even get over […]

I often think of what people actually mean when they say they love themselves because love in this day and age imagines itself as servicing of its own needs to the exclusion of the whole.  I never felt that type of love for myself.  I saw my love for myself as a mirror to the love I had for those that I loved and sometimes it took sacrificing of oneself for the betterment of all.  My ideology of what to love oneself means, to my chagrin, was outdated, outmoded and oblivious to the very ones that I thought would reciprocate by nature.  I was wrong.

I […]

the thoughts went away for a while, but now theyre back.

I expected it to be like that when I said I want to break up. I didn’t think it will be that hard. maybe it was already “too late”.. you don’t know but I miss you. I miss you too much. I wish to talk with you again but I can’t. you probably hate me for what I did.
I’m not enough for you, I’m a broken person … I’m depressive I can’t handle my own life .. I do so many mistakes. I don’t want to make you feel bad . but I guess I already did.
I want you to be happy 🙁 […]

I don’t want to live as this person anymore. I never expected life to be easy and surely it hasn’t been. However, my future at this point looks so bleak that I can’t fathom being forced to live it. Each new day literally feels as if I am being forced to live it and I so thoroughly wish it would stop. Let me begin…
I am the youngest of three, born to an upper middle class family in suburban Los Angeles. The first two years were normal. Then my aunt moved in with her two bastard sons and started beating me. She’s a Christian Science […]

So I’m an idiot and this is the third time I’ve tried to type this and I don’t think anyone will ever know what’s wrong, but I don’t just want a bunch of faggots reading my post and feeling sorry for me, I want to talk with someone so just email me. I am a winey little neurotic white guy who is really sensitive and just whishes he could cry and become schizophrenic to escape this life. I love nine inch nails and am addicted to being unhappy so commet below if you want to get in touch we could email each other and I […]