Hii… My name is Arianna, yesterday I posted on here that I tried to overdose… I did try, but fortunately it did not kill me.. I’ve been vomiting for 2 hours now.. Idk what I took, all I know it had 600 milligrams (is it milligrams or am I just dumb?) for each pill. I took 30, at the least… I did not go to the hospital and yes my parents found out.. I had told them I was bisexual and that I selfharm.. We didn’t go to the hospital because my mom thought she would lose her job ._. My mom told me that […]
As this site has semi functioned as a journal for me to track my depression, and as people were pretty curious about TMS when I posted about it, I have decided to post about my experience with TMS, as I am starting 6 weeks of treatment starting tomorrow.
Pre-procedure:
I had to take two depression tests and go over the history of every psych med I had tried which wasn’t effective (hard to remember them all). This was to show the insurance two things, 1. I had major depression and 2. It is treatment resistent even after trying multiple anti depressants. The charge of this was […]
After a month, I was able to hear her voice. I spoke with my daughter. I told her that I love her and miss her. She said that she can’t wait to see me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I won’t be here anymore.
I haven’t seen her in 4 months. After a 30 minute conversation with her, my level of joy and relief was overpowered by the truth. I will never be good enough to be in her life or to be with her mother. I have no other known idea than to give up.
I have never once given up on […]
Hello. Haven’t posted in a while. Testing week was hell. Tired. Ended testing week off with an important interview. Felt like a fraud. I dressed up as something I wasn’t. Smiled. Used hand gestures. I was articulate. They seemed very pleased. The final question was why I thought I deserved the position. I wanted to scream out I didn’t deserve it. That I was a fraud. That I was a liar. That I was a horrible person. I sat there for 30 seconds. I finally came up with some bullshit answer. They said I got it. Went up to shake their hand. I felt a […]
So my family think I’ve either gone completely insane, or I’m on drugs. This energy and hyperactivity hasn’t gone away – in fact, it’s getting worse. My sleep is also next to nonexistent. I can’t slow down my speech, and I can’t stop moving around.
I got this sudden urge to go to the beach, and so I made my stepdad take me since I wasn’t allowed out the house alone – we went the beach at 9:30 at night. And I literally did a karaoke in the car in the way home again – I have also decided I’m rebuilding hospitals to give them all […]
Some people embrace responsibilities and challenges. I avoid them.
Most people spend their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s advancing their careers and/or raising a family. I’m 30 and have no interest in either. I have friends now but I wonder how many of them I’ll still have in ten years when they’ve all “moved on.”
I was so well suited to the school environment where things were highly structured and most work was individual, but so ill suited to the real world where things are less structured and uncertain and most work is done with other people.
I completely lack basic life skills like cooking and fixing things, nor do […]
the realisation that I deserve to suffer and to die. I’ve realized it time and time again but it hurts the same every time. every so often I feel myself loosening, thinking, well maybe I deserve a chance to live at least until I’m 18 or 21 or 30, but I know deep down I’m wrong. I know that every day I continue to live is another unforgivable sin.
Three guys walk into a motel to get a room for the night.
The attendant, a new hire, is unsure how to charge three people for one room. So he decides on $10 each, totaling $30. Each guy pays with a $10 bill.
The manger comes to check on the new attendant. He informs him, the room is $25 regardless of number of occupants. The manager gives the attendant five $1 bills, instructing him to take the men a refund.
The attendant, knowing each man paid $10, can’t decide how to split $5 between the three guys. So he pockets $2, gives each of them $1 […]
OK, so, I’m not trying to, or planning to leap from one frying pan to another.
That said, part of my plan is to put a camping trailer in the woods. I already have said woods. Not an extraordinary trailer, just something around a 30 foot. Whatever I can find and negotiate on. It’s a roof, it’s cheap.
So my question, am I sealing my fate to be alone? Ladies, if you met a dude who lived in a camper, would it be an instant put off?
so it’s me again. i’ll probably be writing posts all day long, spilling my dark and unforgiving past onto the internet for all to see. so. yeah. i already told you a bit about my goddamned life before, and so keeping that in mind, i’ll tell you more about what i call “my personal hell on earth”. great, right? no? yeah, i thought that’s what you were gonna say. i’ll be back at approx. 12:30 (my time) with juicy details about my sucky life.
as anyone ever had there earphones go out to where they can only hear out of one side? omg mine have done so, and I beyond highly annoyed at there hour. I mean I live in the UK for blokes sake, am I suppose to run down to my local Wal mart and pick up a new pair:? I spent 30 pounds on these…I am so not happy right now.
Woke up as some of you know at the unholy hour of what was it….2:30ish am…..ordering coffee from room service. I sat out on my balcony and drank the whole pot they brought me before retiring back to bed where I slept and dreamed in circles. Same thing kept happening over and over and over….annoying.
*Yep, still wearing Danny boys sweatpants…I do love these things*
Got up a couple of hours ago, took a nice hot bath but not before ordering more coffee and a couple […]
It is almost 5:30 in the morning here.
I have been awake all night long.
I’m going to try to go to sleep again in a few minutes.
Yesterday I printed out my funeral wishes (and other legal papers involving end-of-life issues), signed them, and gave them to two of the officials I trust at my place of worship.
They probably assumed my concern was due to my declining health and the degenerative disabilities which aren’t getting better.
They know I am depressed, although I haven’t mentioned the “S” word […]
Tonight at symphony rehearsal, the director had a sad announcement to make.
One of our trumpet players was found dead in his car.
He was maybe late 20’s or early 30’s, and I’ve known him for over 10 years. For as long as I’ve known him, he has had a lot of problems with drugs.
I remember sometimes after rehearsal, a small group of us used to go out for dinner, then we would sit around outside and chat for a few hours. I remember he would freely admit that he was willing to try any drug he could afford, legal or not. It helped him mentally escape […]
https://youtu.be/md0RKUjtuZQ
Do you guys feel the same vibe this song hits hard especially the way I feel at 0:30 the lyrics hit hard it’s an incomplete sentence
“afraid I’m not afraid if you can die, afraid I’m not afraid if you…”
But it has a lot of feel. Very relaxing but sad at the same time. This is also my first time ever posting here hope this was a good post to start with
Sometimes I scare myself. At first I don’t realize what I’m doing. I tend to change reactions and emotions quickly. I’m bipolar. When I’m alone and calm , I can control myself, until I experience episodes of anger and sadness. These episodes result in me cutting myself or swallowing 30+ pills, or just guzzling down vodka.
I’m having more frequent thoughts of harming myself lately. Its like I’m an addict who is in remission but is being tempted. My friends have tried with me repeatedly to get me to stop self harming but I just can’t
People just don’t understand that suicidal thoughts and self harm are […]
Just 8:30 and im already drunk and depressed. Just took my meds so hopefully i fall asleep soon. I feel like im keeping myself alive waiting for something to live for when theres a million reasons not too. Im really close to giving up. But i might go back to cutting. Id rather do that then get drunk.
I’m scared shitless. I don’t think I can survive. I’ll end up in prison because I’m just too poor to pay back the government from money I earn and buy insurance on top of it. For fuck’s sake, I’m more often homeless than I am housed because I don’t make enough to get housing on my own. But I got my W2 from my first job and I made just over the poverty line. I thought the poverty line was higher but nope, it’s been lowered. My other job isn’t taxed and I’m afraid I’ll be fucked, owe the government thousands upon thousands that I […]
Just curious- how many of you guys have hope that your life will be better and that you’ll be happy / find happiness at some point in your life? And how many people believe that they’ll be depressed forever or that their life isn’t likely to get better?
Also, if you could include your age, or approximately how old you are (like 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 65+, under 21, teenager, tween, etc).
Just wondering what the state of mind is of the people on here. And if age matters on outlook. Thanks.
Barely could sleep last night, if anythig other than water enters my stomach it will come out right after, i’ve been hiding from my family as i don’t want them to see my teary eyes, it’s 10:30 pm it seems to get worst at night, the only place i feel safe is the living room i can’t even go to bed.
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