I’ve never really shared before, or at least not like this, but I think it maybe time. I cannot look back on my life and think of a time when I was truly happy. I remember as a child wishing God would “take me home with him” I didn’t know why, but I felt that way all the time. I feel like the worst person on the planet, I should be grateful for what I do have. I know there are plenty of people worse off than I am, but for some reason I cannot shake the feeling I’ve had for all of my life. […]
Tag:
Adult
Everyone lied to me…A girl lied that she is different … A man lied that my condition will get better…A adult lied that she wanted me…A friend lied that she needs me…Stop it…Shut the fuck up! You people thinks that I don’t know? I am smarter than you thought I am… Your lies are too obvious for me now…I can’t believe that I used to trust you…I can’t believe that I was such a fool…But I don’t have to care anymore ….I used to be a kind person…But my 2nd personality is gaining control ….That dangerous 2nd personality ….He’s gonna kill you all…Or I will […]
I’m sitting here celebrating my 17th birthday with friends, my family and the boyfriend and things are actually looking up for a change 🙂 but something’s really bugging me. My grandfather came up to me a little while ago and made the comment “I’m glad you’re happy. I knew that “depression” phase would vanish.” At first I asked him what he meant and he started going on about how young I was and how it was impossible for me to feel real, long term depression. Now I’m just really annoyed. I mean just because I’m not an adult, doesn’t mean I haven’t had experience or […]
My mum used to be my best friend. While I was attending high school, we used to commute together, so we grew really close, spending two hours in the car together every day. When we stopped commuting, it wasn’t as easy, but we still spent a lot of time together. I felt like I could tell her anything. My brother is verbally abusive to me, and she has always been there to help me handle him.
Ever since she started dating, though, it’s like I’ve fallen off the face of the planet. She works during the week and will go to his place after an hour […]
If so, I’d like to know what it is. Life doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I came here out of desperation. I have nobody to share my feelings with. I am alone. I’m afraid to be close to people because they always hurt me in the end. Or maybe I’m alone because people generally do not want to be around me. “Freak,” they’ll call me, telling me how I am not worth their time. “Tell me, why haven’t you had a boyfriend? Are you lesbian?” They’ll ask me. Outraged, I deny, but they don’t believe me. It isn’t my fault nobody wants me. It isn’t […]
After I became an adult, I realized that the world is full of sufferings
true there’s joy as well, but the sufferings are much more severe
in everyone but children I see a shred of suffering
this site for example, has dozens of posts a day, only a small portion of the actual viewer, and I bet very large number of world populations also feel the same, don’t forget the people without internet connection in Africa or such. But in Africa everything is trying to kill everybody, death by suicide is the last concern
For all this sufferings, I wish God would help us all, I want to be […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
All I ever wanted was to be excepted, I made friends with some of the cooler kids, got a girlfriend, got a car, but it’s all gone now. People change, my girlfriend cheated on me, and I wrecked my car (douche bag shouldn’t have turned out in front of me…). I decided to follow in my fathers footsteps and become a welder to make him proud, maybe he’d except me, but he never did… He thinks that I’m just some dumb kid who breaks the law, just like every adult thinks. I used to hangout with my girl, or my boys on a Friday night, […]
Is what I tell my mom. ‘no, it’s okay, I’m just tired’ for my dad. ‘Could you leave, please? I’m thinking’ is snapped at my little sister. And then I’m alone.
School’s out. I’m a kid. I should be ecstatic, right? But I’m not. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so alone, so hopeless. I have small projects I’ve been working in in my spare time, but I’m starting to think ‘why bother, this is stupid’ and abandon them. Occasionally I’ll get my hopes up for something, but somehow when it comes I always seem to screw it up. Then it’s over, and I’m back in […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
Today I was braver than I have been in a long time.
Last year I began starving and throwing up to lose weight. It became a major problem but I made sure no one told. It got better for a few weeks, then took a plunge in December. Coaches, teachers, and friends grew extremely concerned, but I tried making everyone believe I was fine. They saw through me and I started having routine visits to our guidance counselor to check up on me. I lied to her. She found out I lied. I was forced into counseling. At first, I thought I would try, but I […]
the Symptom Bearer
he sat angrily in his room, alone. He could hear them all talking downstairs. He knew they were all talking about him, it was always him!
Always your fault they chided him, you ruin everything.
In his family of 2 sisters and 2 brothers he was always the one in trouble, poor marks in school, always at the doctor, always in trouble somehow.
He was the Symptom Bearer.
Families are complex groups called systems. Even the simplest one parent one child family has a family system. A family system is made up of the unspoken rules and secrets of each family. Your family […]
I go to a public school but it is a very high-standards school. We take both highschool and college classes at the same time. No, they’re not AP, we actually take them at the local community college. This school is SO stressful, I am just a freshman and almost killed myself in December. Almost all of the juniors are potheads, to deal with their stress. The school is also stereotypical for socially awkward kids but really, we just don’t give a fuck about drama and the social scene. There are about 400 kids total (all of the grade levels 9-12) where the other schools in […]
I really feel like I don’t belong here. For awhile, I thought I was holding on for a purpose, but now I just feel like it is my time to go. I can’t hurt everyone who loves me. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that to them, they don’t deserve it. I was getting counseling, but I hated every second of it… I thought it would be hard to convince my therapist I was okay again, but it wasn’t… at all. The lies came so quickly, I know the perfect things to say. She believed me, every expression she gave was of utter joy. She […]
You come from a family that throws the word love around like it is going out of style. Hugs and kisses aplenty. Very stable as far as emotional content. Ah but there is not always food. You have to attend school in rags. Your friends enjoy their toys and games but you have little or none. Not because they lack, but to teach you independence. To teach you discipline. To teach you responsibility.
Oh and when you are attacked an abused on multiple occasions over several years, you are told to suck it up and man up about it. Because you are a boy and not […]
I wanted to call him so badly. I hurt him telling my story and my addiction of self harm. He needed to hear my voice and i needed to hear his. But i couldnt call him because my parents would hear the conversation. They know nothing about him or my problems. They don’t need to know and they probably don’t give a shit. They are part of the problem too anyways. I asked him how he was really feeling. And he answered with lonely. I feel horrible. I feel lonely everyday and i don’t want him to feel that pain. I don’t know the future […]
Too many of us simply forget that our little problems won’t result in the end of the world.
Whether you were touched or neglected as a child, dumped in extraordinary fashion as a teen, or had the weight of life crush the very breath from you as an adult won’t have a direct impact on anything as a whole.
More of us need to realize this, I think, because then confronting the issue should be a bit easier. Be more free to try new approaches to your various problems, have the courage to speak up and say what’s on your mind. Have the strength to keep […]
I messed up my life at 7 years old. I learned what everything a adult thought of was, and my parents were getting divorsed. My mom hit my dad, and they always cussed eachother out in front of me. We were in the car once, my brother opened the door and was SO close to jumping out. he was leaning out of the car. If we hadn’t pulled him in, we would have seen him dead on the highway. we were screaming, and the one who didn’t help pull him back in was my mom. she yells at us, and nearly killed my dad. My […]
are we half alive when we dream? or do we dream because we are half alive? would life be better if we were in a dream? if we continue as we are when we die.. how do we know some of us arnt already dead? what do we live for? if we have pain and hate and love and death… how can we be happy? tragic things … what makes life all worth it.. if nothing was worth it.. wede all be gone… so obviasly … there is always sompthing worth living for… what if we never felt pain.. even though … life has torn […]
A couple of years ago I was a completely normal person. I was happier and my life seemed normal. I laughed a lot and I loved my family. I concentrated on them, because they were my life. Years passed, and things have gotten progressively worse. I’ve always had depression looming over me, but never this dark. I’ve always had anxiety, but never this painful. I’ve always been afraid of the outside world, but never this bad. Now, I am looking up ways to kill myself. And I have no where to turn.
I am a 21 year old with nothing going for her. If you knew […]