Ever want to walk past one of your co workers and just slap them in the back of the head as you go by???? I do I do!!! I cant stand that little sweet voice, hiding an evil mean person, that people don’t see past, because she is little and cute. All I ever hear is her talking crap about everyone. And for some reason she now thinks she is my boss even though I have been there 3 years longer. Driving me nuts
Kind of hit me like rock, not sure what I expected. And now the swirling depression just sinks in. I was planning to move out anyway end of the month and when I brought it up to bf he basically told me to get the f* out and that I am supposed to be sleeping on the couch and that we are definitely over. I already paid my half of the rent for the 2bedroom apt we share for the end of the month. It seems a little surreal. I honestly thought I was just going to move out and we would eventually break up since […]
I never stood a chance. I think of his depression as ‘the other woman’. She had the prior claim and has the stronger hold over him. She makes him ignore me and treat me like shit. I no longer know how to reach him. He said he loved me once, now I’m lucky if he can even bear to look at me. I am rejected and broken. It’s been this way for nearly two years. I thought I was winning, I thought he was mine.
He’s not mine, he never was. She got there first and will never go away. I hate her. But I’ll […]
He finds himself sitting in the neighborhood bar drinking a beer at about the same time that he began to think about going there for one. In fact, he has finished it. Perhaps he’ll have a second one, he thinks, as he downs it and asks for a third. There is a young woman sitting not far from him who is not exactly good-looking but good-looking enough, and probably good in bed, as indeed she is. Did he finish his beer? Can’t remember. What really matters is: Did he enjoy his orgasm? Or even have one? This he is wondering on his way home through […]
This is my first post. And I’m terrified. Terrified that I have to resort to something like this. Terrified that I’m finding myself sinking back into a hole I thought I had successfully climbed out of years ago.
I’ve had depression of varying degrees on and off since the age of 11. I remember clearly the burning desire to end my own life at age 12; a struggle that took me years to overcome. Don’t ask me how; I don’t remember. Most of that time period in my life has become hazy.
But now, here I am. 17 years old, a loving boyfriend, a promising future. And […]
So i ended up in the hospital in January got out in February and im no longer suicidal unfortunately the only reason that is because of fear fear if i fail at an attempt ill get sent back and if i fail there’s a new worry my mother told me as well that if i end up in the hospital for more than a month then they’ll kick me off my ssdi that means ill have no medical insurance either and as much as I want to die i don’t want to risk failing and losing my medical insurance i need to get it right […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I miss them so. All of them. The place, even. Cold at times, warm at times…Inviting. A place of growth and happiness. I wish, more than anything, that I could be back there. A student. Or an instructor – for youth or (preferably) adults.
But…Nope! Probably not to be. I’ll just sit around here, going to college, bored, sad, lonely and depressed…Disinterested in everything. I swear I’m so fucked up.
Hasn’t anyone else felt like this? Surely so.
Had an appointment with the specialist today.
Her expert opinion was “There’s nothing more we can do for you.”
So no additional appointments were made, and as far as they’re concerned, I’m “done”.
Not even willing to discuss options about the tumor thing.
It was the oddest feeling, wheeling back out to the car, knowing I wouldn’t be coming back, but also knowing that I was still in just as much trouble.
I wonder if they just don’t want to be held liable if I end up dying while still […]
Physically trapped, I mean. In many ways I still feel trapped, but I digress.
I took time out of work for my urethritis pain. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told my higher up everything, from chlamydia back in the start of 2014, to now just having this pain. She was very understanding, and suggested I go to Doctors Express. I did.
From there, I again told this doctor everything, but perhaps unsurprisingly she wasnt being all that helpful. Id pee in a cup again, I’d hear Im all clear, I know the drill. I began feeling frusterated, disparaging my eurologists office, and how it’s so […]
Here’s me with my parents a few months after I was born. Dad was 24, Mum 22. They died 18 months apart (2002/2003) both were only 61 years old. They always said “when we retire we’ll…….”
I sometimes think that if there was such a thing as the devil and I would make a deal with him/her. I would have them back and allow them to have the retirement they deserved. I don’t value my soul that highly anyway, so no loss to me.
Or at least “EX-Cat-Lady”.
I don’t have cats these days because I’m not able to take care of them any more, but for a few years there I did.
Here are the ones I had.
The white/calico one was Mittsi
(She had extra toes on each paw and it looked like mittens).
The orange one was Honeynut.
.
.
One day I left this basket on the floor for just a few minutes, and when I came back, Mittsi had squished herself into it, as if it could […]
There is no more reason to continue. I see no more hope.
My friends are gone.
I’m about to loose my brother.
People are out to humiliate me.
Today I lost my job, because I got angry about the abuse of equipment (they haven’t got that big a budget).
I don’t know how to continue anymore. People simply don’t care about me anymore. There’s only so much caring I can do until I need some care back, from wherever it comes. It hasn’t come for a while now.
My heart feels like it’s shredded, burned and trampled on. My life just keeps getting more and […]
I’ll be honest i don’t like being on this site. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t you guys its just i rather not feel the need to post. I’m sure that you all can relate. No one wants to live in depression. That said I come back because I have these moments of pure depression. I try to tell myself in these moments i should accept that I feel this way and stop beating myself up for being beaten by life. I work all but 1 day in a culture full of depression triggers. This feeling is as natural as getting sick from a peanut […]
Depression Haiku:
Hi again, Doctor
Of COURSE I’m feeling better
You don’t mind lies, right?
Made of wet cement
With the strength of a kitten
I will stay in bed
Prescriptions galore
Which one is the time machine
Should I go back, or….?
A world of dark gray
Matches all of my outfits!
I look like I cared
Sleeping like zombies
Wide-eyed for hours again
On the same old slab
SP is one place
I do not have […]
So sunday after church. I had a nervous breack down .why a nervous break down well ill tell you.
A family freind tells me wonderful thing she spoke to my mom and mom book a trip for my bros and wifes to Europe great beautiful.
But my brother’s wife is still not home. I blame myself for there separation. And the trip made me feel wores because the last time we left the states it was so my older brother won’t get his es wife back.
So in my head this is a repeate of blame. My mom blames me for my older brother marriage. But whatever he […]
Over the months I have been trying to become more social. I went through a suicidal phase at the end of last year for about 3 months and it feels like its coming back. After being separated from work for “not fitting in”. Its tough for me to fit in with people that wont understand. I am a ex-army medic and how will they understand… we cannot show them… Tossed in the trash by the people you defended is pretty good reason to not be here anymore. To think I would have given my life for these people.
So this last month has been ok. I’ve been doing decently well. I haven’t cut, though I’ve had the urge a few times. I lost myself in a book series so that helped get out of my own head for a while. And right now I’m dealing with normal problems like trying to get a guy to ask me out and not failing my classes. But the thoughts never go away, I doubt they ever will. The thoughts that help me spiral down. The ones that make me hate myself and want to kill myself. I still have my ultimatum for the end of the […]
Today everything just seems that little bit more pointless. Hurrah for my screwy brain. In a few hours/days I’m sure I’ll be back in a state of delusional avoidance. But right now I just feel lost and empty.