I was directed your way for finding an old user called Stabby Mike. I ran across his party posts a while back and they really helped so I was more or less just hoping to say thank you. Any info would be very helpful. Thanks!
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
anyone up for a chat? I have foood…. XD I’m lightly recovering from feeling how I felt which is good I suppose…. I’m overtired and cold. Asdfghjkl halp plz
Unitato: Sui, what are you doing?
Sui: I’m making something Unitato :3
Unitato: Oh god what are you making?
Sui: Hehe carpet angels or maybe carpet burritos I honestly really don’t know
Unitato: *facepalms*
Sui: Nooooo its not facepalm you’re a Unitato….
Unitato: Oh yeah then what is it called then Sui?
Sui: Hehe facepotato *rolls around*
Unitato: *facepotatoes*
Sui: Bruh do Unitato’s fart rainbows?
Unitato: […]
I just want permanent sleep. I hate being in this existence its such an overwhelming walk of meaninglessness. I do try i do go forward i do quit i even try to get back up at times. Im just at my wits end. It feels like death is the only option. I dont comprehend existence. Im tired of only existing in such incredible loneliness. I want to die. Life never happens for the ugly and meaninglessness. Just more depair and reminders of failure. No comments. I dont want another rah rah go be better comment no matter how well it means to be.
I am so disappointed in myself… last week I finally seemed to get a grip on my Psyche but nope.
This morning the voices and the doubts and the fear crashed back into my consious like a Bulldozer with airhorns.
The laughter, taunting and insults returned blarring in my head… it is so loud. I can’t eat or drink, I get sick from it.
Thanks to this I tried on a large plastic bag to see if it was suitable and to remove any anxiety once I hopefully get the strenght to fucking end this shit.
Talking with friends pushes them away each time. Shit, I lost a promising […]
My first post on here was in April of 2015. It is now April of 2016 and I am back on checking this website for the first time in months. I wish I could say that time healed me, but I cannot. I am doing better some days but I know that is because I rarely leave my house or my room. I turned 20 at the end of March. I needed that birthday. It was a good day. I still want to die. I still think about it regularly. I’ve been getting out of the house a little bit more now. I actually have […]
Most of you are probably gone now, and maybe it’s better that way, since I don’t know if this is a very good side of me.
I was in high school back in the 1980’s.
I was driving on one of the highways into town, and I was listening to a tape of Howard Jones’ “Little Bit Of Snow”.
The song is a plea against suicide. It begs people not to destroy themselves.
I remember listening to the song over and over, loving the poignant music but disagreeing with the message (because of how depressed I was).
There was a car which had stopped in the middle […]
When I was younger, I was also a lot happier, because I had no worries about what could happen next, I never thought that not paying attention in class leads me to being really dumb and unable to graduate and therefore find a job. Even if I do, for what? So I can just keep paying stupid bills and doing the absolute same thing every day just so I can live?
Every single stupid decision I ever made my life harder every passing day. Every single fucking one of them, I regret them and there’s no way I can go back and change them, it’s just […]
My mind is eating me. Sadness, anger, envy, loneliness, hate, self-loath, jealousy, shyness, sense of failure and other shitty feelings packed in one mind. I fcking hate times like this when I get depressed for no particular reason. I can’t seem to know the reason why but fck this. I try to do things to keep myself from being like this but even playing video games-the one thing that never fails to keep my mind straight- is failing. Had been feeling like this for I dunno maybe a month or two but back then it was just mild. Right now, I really think my mind […]
It’s been a while. Things were going alright. Had a lot saved up. Then everything went to shit all at once. So as people who have read my posts in the past know, my life was almost… good. After years and years of torment, struggling and finding inner strength I didn’t know I had.
Story time. My ex (not my ex fiance), who will remain unnamed, ran into me at college along with her husband and her kid. They were excited to see me as we had remained good friends, and hadn’t seen each other in quite a few years. I was invited to their apartment […]
How can my mind get any better when there is so much negative experience constantly happening. I remember before my first bouts of depressions and I wasn’t normal then. Me at my best wasn’t enough for me to have a good healthy life, why would me after all this struggle be any good? I want good enough then, now I’m beyond bad
My goals are simple now, I just have to have the courage or order a couple of things. Just wish it was cheaper
Just do it and don’t look back
Being with your soul mate by no means fixes everything but it sure as fuck help. Thank you E for making my life worth it again I’d walk to hell and back for you by now I think I’ve proven it. By the end of this I hope I’ll show you even more sacrifice .
Its been a while since I have smiled and actually meant it. It had been so long since I smiled, it hurt to smile for at least 10 seconds. Now my face hurts. It feels great to smile, but now it hurts. I’ve missed smiling, and laughing. It felt like I was actually alive for once. Why don’t I smile anymore, oh right, because there is nothing worth a smile for. But today it happened. But by tomorrow it’s back to how it was before.
Hi guys, hope you doing fine.
Well to attack the topic, I met a certain girl in college in september. I was eating in the cafeteria as I watched the students picking up their meals with their backs turned. But I noticed a particular back, a girl’s back, I was sure I knew this person from my high school because it had much in common with another girl I knew. But as she turned around I couldn’t look away, I was like an Y-wing with a target lock on a star destroyer. I looked at her and made a hand signal to come to me, first […]
The pain is still here. I can drown it out. I can muffle it. But I’m just a shell of a person wandering around. Withdrawn to where it feels more than awkward to be out and around people when it wasn’t so before. Opening back up on command isn’t as easy as shutting down anymore. Desire to end things lingers as well and always has. Thoughts of such are being provoked more often than not now. What do you do when you feel that you have more reason to leave than to stay? Given life more than a chance just existing for the past 2 […]
… and I felt elated. I felt like maybe we had a chance, maybe I had a chance to get out of this hell that is bipolar and somehow make it work. I felt like my old self. I actually laughed. A two week anger/mania streak just lifted. But I have to remember all that I went through, and put him through for weeks. Funny how bipolar makes you focus on the current thing and feel like it was forever. but I know that time-wise, I have been miserable or way more than I have been happy. It does not add up. I know the […]
Since I was about three years old I was told my life would be become better for the events that played out later.
My parents split when I was three (no I am not heartbroken about it, I have not talked it him in almost 15 years). I was told that my life would take a step in a better direction now that a toxin was gone.
I was sexually and physically assaulted when I was five. No one in my life found out until I was 12/13 because hell at the time I didn’t even know what that was. It was my mom’s boyfriend at the […]
Not everyone understands what its like to not matter. To have never fitted in. Even amongst the mentally ill. To be ugly. Not to feel ugly but to actually be so repulsive that the best you can hope for is for another arrogant thot who doesn’t care about you at all except to pity to boost their own ego all to try to convince you that someone else will as a consellation. Otherwise you have rejection because of your ugliness and anxiety. Not everyone gets what its like to to be in complete mental misery for 3 decades going back to childhood so you have […]
I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.
Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.
I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.
I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.
I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.
Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?
I’m waiting, and today I can’t seem to be patient. I need you, I need your words. I need to read. It’s been dark today. You are mt crutch tonight and I hate myself for letting myself think that way. I don’t need a crutch, what am I doing? I’ve sunk a little more today. It’s been at a constant rate for days.
My own thoughts.
Stop fucking sinking. God, you’re pathetic.