Hi. So, I’m just posting not because I have anything important to say, I never really do, but just because I wanted to post, and for me, as well as like every other day of the weak and of my life, Monday’s are shit, too. You happy, sane people don’t relate to me on this and couldn’t care less what I have to say, and I don’t know why I’m here sometimes I just, like writing. So today sucked. Spoiler alert, it was another shitty day, none of my days seem to be any better than the rest, usually only worse. But some days I […]
Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
also,
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck
Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !
people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless
if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !
why […]
what my math teacher wrote on my math test, which I got back today with about a 70%. a couple days ago I got a 52% on an english quiz I didn’t know we were having for the reading I forgot was assigned. he’s right, of course, because I usually pay attention pretty well no matter how wrecked my mental state is. he is right because I can do so much better. I have had straight A’s all year, but this term I’m just hoping against hope to pass. it’s not even that I am doing that much worse than I have been, it’s just that […]
I’ve been on SP for a few months now and one thing I’ve noticed is some people stick around for a while. …others just post once or twice and poof, they’re gone. Maybe things got better or they just got bored or dead. Who knows. I always have the hope that things got better but when I found this place I was not in a good space in my head. I guess I wanted to say thank you to anyone who’s spent the time to chat with me about anything. I appreciate all the words and music and art. We have a good group going […]
I have been the happiest I’ve been in years these past few months. I’ve been feeling confident and beautiful but today all my depression flooded back. I know it’s going to be bad again. I’m not going to be able to get out of bed again. I have a beautiful 5 month old Husky. He is my best friend in the world and I love him so much. He doesn’t really care for me though haha but I don’t mind because I love him so much. But I know I’m not going to provide him with the care he needs anymore. I knows this hole […]
After a bit of an episode this morning I feel better after I cried a bit. Sure I’m a baby but whatever helps me get through it. I feel relaxed but tiered. I should get to bed soon so I can prepare myself for Monday..
It never comes out right, never quite like it is in my head. I always come off like an angry, whiney freak when I try to explain to you how I feel. The truth is, I don’t think I’m actually an annoying person or a whiney one or even angry. I’m just sad, ya know? And stressed. Anxious. I’ve had a lot of messed up stuff happen in my life, much like most of you. I don’t think I am any better or worse. But I feel like I don’t belong here or anywhere. It’s like, I try to connect with someone, anyone, and it […]
I haven’t posted for a while, but I have popped in to read when I’ve been feeling low. It makes me feel better to know there’s others out there who share a similar emptiness inside.
I was on before banging on about my complete and utter loneliness. – well I sorted it, found someone who loves me and miraculously who I love in return. But it’s not enough. I’m still empty inside. I thought love was the answer, but all I do is push him away I try his patience and now after 10 months he’s ‘almost’ had enough. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, […]
Another pencil-and-paper sketch.
Originally I had it the other way around, with things exploding upward out of the box, but eventually I decided I liked it better upside down. Exploding upward requires an amount of energy I just don’t have, but gravity works whether I want it to or not.
.
.
I ve crossed the border as I was afraid it would happen one day. Tried to work so hard on my exams but then everything went out of control. Couldn think, it was to painful, so I overmedicated in order to sleep. But when I woke up everything was still the same and thought I know my life has gotten a little better can t handle it anymore. So I guess that s more or less the end and it s a shame but as nothings works anymore, my life is even emptier as my death will.
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to hear
Knowing is what I am looking for.
Knowledge is both beautiful and tragic.
Beautiful because there is nothing better than being aware
Tragic, because once aware, can never go back to unknown.
Once you see it, it’s difficult to forget.
Unknowingly happy
Knowingly unhappy
I breathe, I cry, I disappear,
breathless, stoic, forever here,
heart echoing, thundering,
cold and scared
I swear it’s living
I swear it’s beating
I swear it’s working
I swear, I swear, I swear,
if it hurts, it’s there
it is and has to be
an ache isn’t where it used to be
just give me time
and why and where
I’ll be good
I’ll be better
I’ll be fine
I swear, I swear, I swear,
I don’t want to try and fight this shit anymore. Its funny because this thought never goes away. It lessens. Well today its a little stronger than normal. Its been building. Festering probably going to morph into an alternative better version of me. The sad thing is that I doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference. They would like “her” more. I’m being consumed by my own demons. I gave up on trying to fight them long ago. I’m fucked for however long I live. I’m stuck living, failed at taking my life and a whole bunch of other shit. I can’t even […]
She loved me. She loved that I was a doctor. She loved that I helped people. When she talked to her best friend about me, she gushed about how I was a kind, generous, caring person that l loved kids.
I loved her. I loved how full of life she was. I loved that she was always trying to better herself. When I told my friends about her, I told them she was perfect. Warm, sunny, gentle. The perfect girl for me.
We named our future kids. Picked out our future house. Chose our future dog. She wanted it all. I wanted it all. We both did, […]
I wish I could runaway from all this pain I feel everyday I’m drowning in my own mind. I want to leave this stupid family behide and live a better life of my own if that’s even possible
I know I’m not exactly the most popular, the most interesting, the most insightful, or the most helpful. I know I don’t always post that often. I just wanted to thank everyone in the community for always being kind and considerate of me and thank those of you who read my posts, especially the ones that are so long they’re practically a novel. And thank everyone for their sharing themselves on this site and making me realize I’m not alone in this. I’m glad I have a place where I can share my feelings openly with people who can relate a little better than most. […]
I don’t want to die. I want to be happy. I want to be normal. I want to be fulfilled. But I don’t think I can be.
So instead, I’m this poisonous, negative force. Because I can’t be happy, I want everyone else to be unhappy as well. I want to drag them down to my level, so I don’t feel so jealous and inferior.
I think maybe it would be better if I was dead. I don’t think I have it in me to come to terms with how much I’ve fucked up my life. And I can’t see any way to really live a fulfilling […]
Hello. This is my first post. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I’m really tired. My parents were having another conversation behind my back. The usual. I’m kind of a disappointment to them. I flipped a coin today to see weather I would kill myself. Heads I keep going. It landed on heads. I doubt I would’ve done anything if it landed on tails. I stopped having these thoughts for a while. They kind of resurfaced. Its been a few weeks now. My head is throbbing. Made a fake email so I could sign up. If my parents found out it would […]
Hello everyone. I’m posting to tell you all a personal little story about life and death.
Ever since I was a kid, I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and ideations. I have attempted several times, but here I am.
It is not always true what they say about it getting better. Sometimes it has to get much, much worse first, and in all honesty, life will never be better, it will always be a roller coaster of events and emotions.
Last Wednesday night I was staying at my sisters’ apartment where she lives on the second floor. In the bedroom that I stayed in were […]