Here I am just like before
Siting on the bathroom floor
I said I wouldn’t
But I’m a little *****
Now that I’ve told you
Don’t be a snitch
The bleeding won’t stop
You’re gonna want a mop
I’ve never cut this deep
But don’t you say a peep
Say I ran away, this is our little lie
Pretend I didn’t tell a soul goodbye
Tag:
deep
Why am I so honest with my psychiatrist?
I tell the truth most of the time. They ask about suicidality, and I tell the truth. I don’t want to be here anymore.
They ask about homicidal thoughts, I say yes. Forgive me but there are people I so want to kill… Slowly. Painfully. Enjoy hearing them scream in agony. Enjoy watching them suffer. I want to look deep into their eyes as the light fades from them and they suck in their last breath. I hate them that much.
I always have a smile on my face. I’m like Ted Bundy. The charming psychopath. I told the doctor […]
I’m alone. If this website has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not alone. That pain, guilt, shame, anger and sorrow echo deep inside many of us at every moment of the day. That any moment can be our last or can be our turning point. I will keep struggling today because I know things always change. Often they change back and I’m left desiring the epic release of death but at least for a moment I know I might not feel that way. I’m not sure i’d say that moment is worth it but I have nothing else to look forward to.
I wish you […]
im not one really for emotions I still don’t really understand them but looking at my daughter In a room full of people knowing you would kill anyone who caused her any pain to cry or even make her sad and you would do anything for her is this love ?
Like I said before I don’t feel connected to anyone is this love ? I don’t think one can love anything more deep then a parents love I’m not a psyco am I it’s normal for a parent to want to kill for the kid right ?
is finding true love really a myth then ?
Anyways […]
Even with medication I still can’t fucking sleep. What the hell?! My doctor keeps changing my medication, uping the dose and whatever… But I can’t fucking sleep!!
I just took my pills. I feel sleepy. I’m in bed. But sleep won’t come. What the fuck?!
I don’t think the medication is helping me at all. Nothing is helping me. Therapy sucks balls. My turn to friend won’t talk to me anymore. I’m in deep shit. I feel like shit.
I’m thinking of making an attempt. My doctor is giving me TCAs. It might just work. I need more of them though. I doubt the dose I have is […]
Hello everyone, new to this. Never written in a forum, except for the SW forum on Reddit last week. Basically Im in deep shit due to my denial and stubbornness. I am way too disappointed in my self to forgive myself. I have hurt myself and in the process people that have cared for me.
I just feel I have reached my patience with myself, feel like I cant do it anymore. I cant commit suicide because that would actually mean giving my family the last fuck you. Least I can do is be here for when the shit unravels, and try to take it like […]
I jumped into the deep end,
(first my head and then my feet)
I’m drowning in the water;
I’ve fallen in too deep.
I’m drowning in this bed,
and I’m drowning in these sheets,
my hope was once my life vest,
now I’m sinking in my sleep.
They say “Seek Salvation”
but I haven’t found it yet,
I inhale and I exhale-
I’m still struggling for breath.
I’m running out of oxygen,
I’m running out of air
I’m at war with the world,
but the world’s not fighting fair
Why couldn’t kill myself when I had the chance. I wouldn’t have so many painful memories and feel so out of place and suicidal. I only know my best days are ahead of me because one of those days includes dying. My life never started. I sometimes can trick myself into thinking that people I have met actually cared about me but deep down I know that is untrue. I hate that of painful memories of liars and heart thieves that all in all provided nothing but pain and trauma. I don’t matter. I don’t connect to anyone or anything. I shouldn’t even have been […]
So yesterday, I was pretty stoked. Got some good shit planned for today. Got some cool future shit unrolling. It’s cool
Wake up, 1st indication everything’s going to hell: the sun is shining. Fuck!
Then it happens. The succubus calls…. Double Fuck!
I need to quit my job so I can be home for her.
I don’t even bother trying to explain again why that’s beyond stupid.
She doesn’t say it sarcastically, she’s stone faced dead serious demanding.
Cue the barge of insults, I’m not a man, I’m not a dad, I’m not a husband… OK? So why are you calling?
Then some more demanding, make it […]
Broken phone. Broken body. Broken life. Broken relationship. He was the one thing that was good in my life, however deep his problems were too. I didn’t want to say goodbye, but my fate won’t allow it. My body is so broken, there’s not much time.
I haven’t been doing OK,
but I have been feeling, “OK”.
And I wonder why. Yes, I am still suicidal, crying all night and day, cutting everyday.
But, during the days and nights, I haven’t been feeling, “numb.”
I have been “OK”. I haven’t felt a deep dark pit swelling inside of me. I think I realized how fine I was recently after reading posts here about how some people are very sad at the moment.
So whats the change? Why am I OK?
I’m not sure. However, I do notice my happiness comes from wondering about suicide.
As some may know, in a month I plan to end it all. And […]
I have just about had enough of this. I am so tired of feeling like I want to take my own life, telling myself that it will pass, feeling a little better, just to be slammed with the same damn feeling all over again. There are times when I realize that maybe I dont really want to die that I just want these feelings and emotions to stop. But its been going on for so long now I really dont think it will ever happen. Im so sick of feeling this way and maybe the only way out is to finally just do it.
Ugh, […]
I’m astounded I never heard of suicide project before, seeing as I’ve fantasized about, planned and studied suicide for many many years. Whenever I dare to get close enough with someone that I might actually feel happy, they sense my deep depression and ask the inevitable – are you suicidal? That doesn’t satisfy them, no. They have to go further. How often do you think of suicide? That’s when they flee.
The bonds I need in order to cease feeling suicidal are not available to me until I’m no longer suicidal.
And around and around we go.
hi all
any advice on a broken heart, I am so so so broken, I have no idea what to do with myself either hang myself or run the fuck away!!!
I have broken many many bones and nothing compares to deep deep heart break!!!
there’s a hammer pounding on the back of her skull
spiders crawling underneath her skin
She roams this God Forsaken land
covered in scars not deep enough to fatally wound
hands curled up into fists holding her head
Trying to erase herself
The person that she loves cant even comprehend the complexity of her pain
disregarded, like always until its to late
tear stained pillows, snot nose, blood shot eyes
its like the snake of despair bit her
marking her with its venom
For everywhere she goes she snuffs out some kind of light, […]
every time I wake up, the very first sentence is ” I hate living”.
Today it was “Am I dead yet ?”
I got a roof and something to eat, but I spend all my time alone here in my room. But it makes me feel safe, it makes me feel good doing everything I want with no one here to see me.
Yesterday I was really ready to kill myself, something deep down drove me to take a damn knife and end it all, but then I couldn’t.
I called some line where you can talk but the person didn’t said anything that hasn’t be said.
I want to […]
In my final breaths:
I’ll exhale my sins,
and the promises I broke.
I won’t inhale them back in.
I’m sorry
I used to call you papa,
and you’d guide me to school
so that I could read on the way.
You taught me to swim
by throwing me into the deep end
and I kicked and fought until I could.
You taught me to live
by throwing me into the deep end
but this time, I let myself drown.
I’m sorry,
that you see her in my eyes
that you hear her when I cry,
and for shoving you that one time,
but you told […]
I used to have many friends, all who would talk to me and lift me up through the deep/hard parts of life. But they keep walking away from me, as if I am not worth their time anymore. I do not blame them because I would walk away from me too if I could. I just wish I had more people in my life who actually cared about me and not themselves or their own person interests. For once, I want someone who will ask me how I am doing and keep talking to me even when I am down.
But the world is a cruel […]
I’m trying to slit my wrists right now, it’s just so painful, I don’t know how I’m going to go deep enough to bleed out. I’m really scared though.
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]