On some days I wished I never starting self-harming, but on other days I wished I never stopped
 I know my mother doesn’t have any interest in me at all. I can leave the house for hours without telling her and she doesn’t even notice. It’s lonely here. Everyone wants their mother to love them the way a conventional mother does. For some reason unknown to me she won’t. So I assume it’s because she doesn’t like my face, the way I talk or anything negative I can find in my me. I’m starting to believe maybe I don’t deserve to be loved by […]
So, I had an appointment at exactly 10 o’clock sharp this morning to see a psychiatrist, whom I’ll be seeing frequently now, as well as two other counselors.
Anyways, the session was HORRID.
I was taken to the “Nurse’s Office” to be weighed, my height to be checked, blood pressure was taken, and last to have my pulse checked, followed by a series of medical questions.
Then taken a few doors down to the psychiatrist, who was a nice older lady, who talked about my cat sweater I’m wearing.
Being aware that I’m usually being questioned one on one, I figured it would be her asking me the questions, […]
My name is Denise.
I am 17 years old.
I am a junior.
This is my story and the events that led me here.
I was born and raised in Texas. Honestly, I’ve been depressed as far back as I can remember. Sure I laughed and played like anyone else as a child, but there was a darkness I could feel consuming me as I grew up. When I progressed into middle school that’s when I began to let the darkness in. I was bullied.  I met girls who cut. And so I started to cut too. It felt good. I cut […]
I have deep depression. I fought it for years. then my meds wearing down without me realizing. was going suicidal before I…the only word I can think of is “forced:-I forced myself to confide in my parents…
from there I eventually started looking for support-in a few very close friends, in my siblings. I got aggressive in making the hurt and sadness disappear.
this isn’t the point and I don’t want to get sidetracked.
the point is im sick of it. just sick. revolted. tired. world weary.
eventually my supporters took my happier demeanor for granted. I was looking for more responsibility and was up and about more-but it […]
I’m sorry, mom.
I’m sorry I fail to meet your expectations every day, I’m sorry I’m not doing well in school.
I’m sorry I’m not thin, or athletic, or pretty enough for you to be proud of me.
I’m sorry I am so torn up inside, I’m sorry I have chronic depression.
I’m sorry I don’t talk and walk like the girl you wish I were.
I’m sorry I have different opinions on what is worth my time.
I’m sorry I don’t do everything right the first time.
I’m sorry I can’t function correctly.
I’m sorry I am sad most of the time, I’m sorry I am a lot to handle.
I’m sorry I’m […]
I’m just completely lost. I don’t know if I should end it already. I’ve been put through so much bullshit that I’m completely fed up. I was molested by my dad’s friend which my dad doesn’t know about because I was young and scared that he’d do something to my family cause he claimed he will if I ever told. I still haven’t said anything and it’s been years. I’ve also be bullied by everyone. Even my own family. I’ve always been really into sports and I’m a girl so my parents, sisters, and brother would always call me a boy because of it. Also, […]
I have spent a long time reading through this site. But never posted.
For the last 3 years now is struggled with depression, caused by job stress, relationship etc. Over the last two month I hit a patch where my job and my boss brought me right down. I’d entertained the idea of suicide, but could never go any further than that because of my partner, whom I love very much.
So for two months I’ve fought back, getting back to a healthy state, then on saturday night, after a good day in the sun, drinking and enjoying my time with my partner and friends, I go […]
I’m Danielle, 16 years old and suicidal…
I guess it all started when I got bullied in primary school because of my weight and the people I used to hang out with. I was basically a tomboy, always wearing jeans or tracksuits, never skirts or dresses… I wasn’t the skinniest or prettiest of kids back then, but there was this one group of girls that would pick on me constantly… I was 10 and depressed… I was stupid enough to pick an all girls secondary school and got bullied there for being a tomboy. it was the beginning of year 8, and I woke up at 5 […]
Ever been woken at 3 am? Remember being sooo tired that you can hardly move?
Now imagine you’re cold but too tired to get up to get an extra blanket.
Or maybe you have to go to the bathroom but you’re too tired.
Have you ever fallen asleep in an uncomfortable spot, e.g., your car, the living room floor, etc. but you’re too tired to get up?
That’s how I feel when I’m at my lowest point of depression & when I have my strongest desire to leave.
I may want to “get up” but I cannot. I’m just “too tired”. The thought of getting showered, […]
i spend most of my time, thinking to myself. trying to tell my self that yes, these people exist, they have feelings, their heart beat and they feel sad sometimes too.. but then again, how can I be so sure? and i can’t tell anyone how i really think, they’d think i’m crazy. who knows. Maybe i am crazy.
I spend most of my time wanting to die. the anxiety in me, the feeling of wanting to do everything at once, but having no purpose in doing it, not wanting to, why does it all matter? all what we do is grow up to get […]
I hate the fact how i can do good not being sucidal and staying out of hospitals.Then you make one stupid mistake and it ruins everything.My mistake was being curious and that curiousity led me to find the pills my mom hid away..I now have a bunch of those pills and dont know when i will snap and try to kill myself.I just know i cant help it and it willl happen.I will try to kill myself at some point.Ive only told my best friend she asked if she could tell my parents i threatened to do it sooner if she did.I felt bad about […]
This isn’t really something I usually do, I’m more of the “bottle it up” kind of guy, but I really need to get this out and Google led me here as an appropriate place to do so. It’s up to you if you want to read all this, but at least if you do, I have some validation of my efforts. Which I imagine would be nice.
Well… here goes.
I should be happy or satisfied enough really, shouldn’t I?
I mean, I did life right. I left school, got a steady dead end job and got myself a place to live independently. In this […]
Everything was dull. Clouds hung over my head no matter how brightly the sun shone. I had to resist the nearly uncontrollable urge to fall flat on the ground, curl up into the grey hoodie I had been wearing for days, and cry. It pained me to smile. I was going through one of the worst bouts of major depression I have ever endured.
I fell into a rabbit hole, and theories, disorders, and research, along with a whole lot of blurry and blank areas was my wonderland. I ached to know more. I needed to know as much as I possibly could know about […]
The deep and uncontrollable need for that pure dark silence…Â The blissfull absence of all senses…Â I want it, but I know I am not allowed…
On a good day, the suicidal thoughts used to roam my mind on and off through out the day. At night, while in bed, no matter what I did, my mind would wander to the topic. The medication has helped…a lot, but now, with the weather being so unpredictable with rain coming and going and the humidity, my body is contributing to the reasons “why not” and is pushing past the barrier so carefully constructed by the various pills I […]
I cant stand the depressions i keep getting.im on all these fancy medications and ive had 6 major depressions in the last year.sometimes i loose hope and just want to hide but i cant and its painful just to breath.does anyone else feel this way?
I feel so alone.
I know im not though, im surrounded by friends, a thing many people wish for and want.
But i feel so dead inside, I don’t feel happy underneath that grin. I act like a joking clown and don’t take many things seriously. In return, when i am serious, they don’t take regard of it and over look it as one of my jokes. I’ve tried telling them that i hurt, that im sad and pitiful and it makes me hate myself because i don’t deserve pity but, once again, they brush it off and walk away. I act like a hero when i […]
Full-alert here, if you are going to try to bash me, insult me, or talk me out of this, please leave this thread. I am not asking for your judgement or opinions. You are not me, you have not lived my life, and so you have no right to decide what I should do with it Second warning, this is a very long post. Please bear with me.
Okay, after getting that point across, I was wondering the certain fatality doses for prescription medications. I am trying to garner as much information from people as possible, so if you know any other websites/forums where I won’t […]
Okay well first of all Hi my name is Karalyn and this is my first post so yea, hi!
I am 12 years old [pretty young for this website I know..] Anyways,
I was at the mall with my older sister one time, and I wanted to go to Hot Topic, But every time I ask.. My sister would say “You’re a freak for walking in there and wearing their clothes” I don’t know if she notices but it hurts me and that’s one of the reasons I cry to school. I feel that everyone just thinks that I’m a freak who wears all black and band […]
Who here thinks that the very origin of their depression and suicidal thoughts lies within school? Not that the school itself actively aims at making its students depressive, but rather the fact that “natural selection” is a far stronger force between children than sympathy/ empathy. The fact that teachers cannot and will not truly help the victims of bullying and sanction the offenders.
For those of you who don’t agree with the term “natural selection”: Of course the “stronger” students will not kill off the weaker ones. But as long as there are some children who weren’t educated to be nice to one another (and it […]