is anyone else fascinated by death? I know it’s odd but I’ve never really been afraid of death. I mean, if someone swung a club at my head I’d duck on instinct, but when I think about death I’m just really curious. I would want to avoid pain and obviously there would be consequences, but I’m still fascinated. I’d love to see if I could make a good plan and carry it out effectively, I’d love to experience how it happens, I’d love to know if there’s an afterlife and what it’s like, or if there’s just nothing and I stop existing (not that I’d […]
Tag:
deserve
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I try not to but how can that occur. Im old i missed out on life and i want to die. I try to give myself hope sometimes i even succed. But death would be better. Depression is cureless in people who have had it their entire lives. People who have had useless pain filled lives. I cant look forwards or backwards in my life without seeing pain. I cant look at my current life wit out seeing pain. Without being told by life that loneliness and depression is all i deserve and that im not good enough for more than pity maybe. Some days […]
[tw: self-harm]
i turn 21 tomorrow and feel pretty terrible about it. i didn’t want to make it to 21. i wanted to be ashes by now. i told my family i don’t want a special meal or a cake or presents, but they’re nice people so they’re insisting. i think my brother feels bad for screaming at me and basically telling me i was worthless, a few weeks ago (the first time he’s ever treated me that way…can’t say i didn’t deserve it haha). he insists on at least picking up good food. why.
i wish i was dead. i have a list of […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Her head rises and falls with each breath I take, and perhaps it’s fitting considering the fact that without her I might never have taken those breaths. Her long, dirty blonde hair is pulled back in a simple braid, and I’m eternally grateful. It allows me an uninterrupted view of her beautiful face, which I have grown to so adore. I feel I am unworthy of having this beauty at such close hand, and to have it all to myself is incomprehensible. Her lips draw my eyes and I remember the feeling of pressing mine against them. The way that it felt as though the […]
Looking at my posts, they just all seem so whiny. They’re all just me complaining and being weak and wanting attention. I will not let myself have attention, I don’t deserve attention by whining about things, so I’m just gonna stop posting.
I’m a train wreck. Moods swinging on a damn pendulum. I’m happily depressed. I’m miserably excited.
I’m too alive to die, but too dead to live.
My brains churning out 60 ideas for things a minute. Simultaneously explaining why I’m a stupid piece of shit and deserve to die.
I’m getting so much encouragement here, but discouragement at home. I’m drawn to some of you like the insane idiot I am while compulsively closing myself from reality. I don’t know what the fuck I’m even saying.
The more I think about it the more I realize I’m just not a nice person. I can’t remember the last time I made someone happy. I’m just too selfish and lazy to care about too many people and I hate myself for this. Sometimes I just wish I stopped feeling the small amount of happiness I do feel so that I could do nothing but try and make people happy. But I can’t, and that’s why I’m just a waste of living flesh that doesn’t deserve to live. The only reason I’m still alive is because I’m scared to take my own life. Whenever […]
Ive been getting extremely angry at those around me this past little while, and well, they deserve it most of the time. Stupid fucking irritating as fuck want to bash their skulls in every time they open their mouths. Oh how I wish I could. I never would, it makes me feel better to think about though. Stupid fat drunk ***** thinking she’s in any position to give ME advice.
Goddamn it I just need to get the fuck out of here before I hurt someone, that’s just why I’m going to hurt myself instead
i’m scared of going to hell. it’s honestly one of the reasons i haven’t killed myself yet. it probably sounds really silly to anyone who doesn’t believe in it…but i’m going to ask that you don’t mock me for this fear…
although sometimes i think i deserve to burn forever. and to be honest, i’m probably going to hell anyway, whether that be in 60 years when i die a natural death or right this very moment.
I want to die so badly but I’m a *****. Even my mother said I should kill myself. I feel so overwhelmed. I dotn dsevre to live I hate myself fuck this I wish I was dead or horribly beaten. I don’t fucking deserve this. Please someone tell me how to kill myself.
About 50 minutes ago, I posted a question asking whether any of you intentionally cut off your friends, just to make yourself feel horrible, or to spare them.
(Its called, “Anyone Else: Loneliness.” in case any of you wanna give it a look at.)
I’ve been sitting here dreading every second, thinking about it.
And I remembered what I used to say to myself about it,
I used to think it was to prevent myself from happiness.
I don’t deserve a happy; This is all my fault.
Everyone’s problems? My fault. I can’t be happy because its not fair.
You know what I hate the most? Hearing people deny it, try to […]
So maybe I’m all screw-y or something,
I’m assuming the majority of you may not be able to relate,
But sitting here alone and dreading the day, I decided why not write this post. I don’t know why I do this, nor do I think I’ll ever know why,
But I always seem to…Cut people out of my life.
I had this best friend, he was so good to me last year, when I was at the lowest point. He made sure I was happy and all, and he calmed me down every night when I felt my anxiety begin to swallow me. But ever since, I’ve always tried […]
Feel your hands on the rock
Roll the rock up the hill
What did you do to deserve this hell?
When you get to the top
Watch it roll down again
Im so stupid.
Im so dumb.
Im such a bad person.
I could just leave.
I don’t understand.
Everybody hates me.
I don’t deserve anything.
Life is a trap.
Im so confused.
I could just die.
Torture.
Violence.
Kill myself.
Im mean.
Everyone is so nice, and I’m so horrible.
Im alone.
I don’t know why, I just wanted to make a list to see if I could right out everything from my head, I couldn’t, I’m not good at writing.
“What did you say your name was?”
“Why are you like this?”
“Smile!”
“Keep trying!”
“What did you do this weekend?”
“Be yourself!”
“Look on the bright side of things.”
“What do you do for fun?”
“Why do not you make more friends?”
“One day will be well, be patient.”
“You have everything and complain!”
“Of course it is so, you only stay at home!”
“Have hope.”
“Stand by me for all!”
“Call your friends for a night out.”
“There are many people with bigger problems than yours!”
“Do not be coward!”
“God has plans for you.”
“Crying will not do anything.”
“Talk to her...”
“She […]
I found this website an hour ago. I read posts. I am sobbing.
I’m not alone. I’m not alone, I’m not alone, I’m not the only one. And I am so angry because of it.
Why do other people have to suffer? Why do these things happen? I knew I wasn’t the only person- most of my friends are, but the fact that this many people-
this many people have gone as far as I have-
people younger and-
it just kills me, and I mean it literally.
It’s unfair and I am so sorry to anyone who is reading this. Because what you are going through seems impossible.
It is sometimes […]
Hey loves. So I haven’t been on here in what seems like forever- and I see so many new faces! (Hello new faces:)
I don’t know if I’m coming back or if I’m just popping in- probably just popping in. Before I talk about me, I wanna say that I hope everyone is doing, at the very least, ok. Of course, I hope for adventurous magnificence for all of you, but I know that’s not always reality. Life, emotions, people, combinations of all three- they can constantly stand in your way to happiness. But I’m here to tell you that you deserve to push negative […]
For some reason, one of the things I really want in my life is to be abused. I want to be mentally and physically abused by someone because I feel like I deserve it. I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone. I need to be in a relationship that is destructive and I don’t know why.