the days are going by so quickly.Soon my sister will be going away and all i can do is try to leave her before she leaves me.Honestly its not fair.My sister doesnt even say she loves me sometimes she treats me terribly and yet i cant live without her cause ill be alone.I have other family but theyll leave to.they always say they will.i dont want to be alone.
Theres more two days ago i realized i was evil.The voices told me when i was fourteen i was now i realize that to be true.if i dont die someone will be hurt.I dont want to […]
Tag:
dont want to
my family spent so many years not talking about our fucking problems. and now my siblings are like “we are talking to our parents about are problems so we can get them fixed” and then i get included into the conversation and get to hear about their depression and their mental problems and then i get praised for being the one child without problems. can we just go back to not talking? i dont want to be the mentally sane child that apparently has no problems. i need to get the fuck out of here.
No matter how much sleep im always tired, i constantly feel very very sad, its visable on my face, i dont see the point of going to work, i hate waking, i hate sleeping it seems like thats all i ever do, food has very little appeal anymore, i feel invisble, i dont want to end my life but I dont want to feel like this anymore, i derserve to be happy i never did anything to anyone to have my life turn out like this, ending my life is a relaxing thought but then im overcome by the feeling of jealousy and envy, of […]
people say its the easy way out but its the hardest choice ive had to make in my life…if i should do it, when i should do it, how i should do it…. ive been like this since 8th grade and now im finishing my freshman year of college.
im not sure why i feel this way. ive tried to make my life better but every time something went terribly wrong and my life got a little worse instead. ill spare you all the details of my life that have led me to this point but ill summarize them just so you can get the gist:
dad left […]
I am so confused. People know me as a happy person. They dont see me getting angry. I’m not the type of person who show anger. But deep inside I’m hurting and crying. I rather cry on the corner and let it go. I feel blessed because of how lucky i am. I have complete parents, i have sisters, i have so many friends. All of my problems feels like i want to end my life. But a guy came to my life and changed everything. Were two years from now. And i love him so much. Im thankful that he never leaves me. I […]
Things have gotten better. They really have. Ive got a new job now, helping out an old friend, my depression has subsided and im ready to get off the meds now, and i barely hallucinate anymore. It used to be much worse. I wouldnt eat. I wouldnt sleep. Or i would sleep for days on end without water even. My heavy self medication with marajuana and alcohol has turned into lighter recreational use, and i feel like that previously impregnable barrier between myself and others has subsided substantially. I feel like a human being again. I feel successful even. But really, thats the problem. It […]
i try to help other people though their struggles because I have no idea how to help /save myself helping other takes away my pain for short time and is a distraction I like all you guys your strength give me strength when I’m in the darkness fighting the demons
“were in the same game just different levels same hell just different demons ”
would be nice to get to know everyone we all try to support each other though the struggle and you guys have supported me in my dark hours
im not saying we will beat this I’m not saying things will or won’t get better […]
So it’s holy week and i’m going home to my hometown and leaving the city for awhile. Ive been really difficult lately, ive been acting mad all the time ad im just so full of spite, i dont like it. i dont like being mean. but im just so mad. i failed school, it was supposed to be my last term but i fucked it up (after dropping out from a nice school and being in college for a total of 6 years and now my younger sister has graduated ahed of me and already has a nice job and a nice car) so my […]
I am crazy in love with this guy, but we havent talked in a while.i have been in love with him since i was like 12 and ive never stopped loving him, i am 19 btw. he is in my mind all day and all night i dont know how to tell him, im afraid that im not good enough for him. im terrified that i might get hurt. but i dont think i could live without him. i dont think ill even stop loving him. no matter what other guys are in my life i cant seem to forget about him. what do i […]
Oknso i am so afaid for tomorrow it’s not normal. My father is probaly gonna come and drag me out of my husbands grandparents house. And. One out of two things are gonna happen .
1. My marriage will break
2. Or i lose all contact with my family
So i dont know how im gonna make threw the night.
And on top of that my brother is getting a divorice and its all my fault.
Why is it my fault because when I first came to fl my parents did not want me here and threaten to drag me put of my inlaws house were i […]
Initially this post was going to be (and still may be) similar to a lot of posts where i complain about how undesirable i feel to women. The impetice for that feeling was a commercial for a movie called How to be single. I get it “everybody sleeps around”. Well pop culture and the 6 to 9 corporations that own you. FUCK OFFF!!!! Im a super depressed introvert who hates social networking and doesn’t look like brad pitt. Furthermore the few times in my life where i did luck into a “hook up” left me feeling empty. It isnt for me. But it is a […]
Spent $250 today on supplies for my exit.
Have booked in a days leave from work in two days time so I have the whole night and day by myself to pull this off.
I have tried before & failed. It was painful and i dont want to go through that again.
The method Ive chosen this time should be painless if all goes to plan.
Thoughts of my family keep trying to push their way into my brain, but I keep pushing them out . I know they will be OK & I know I simply can’t go on being me.
I’m a […]
After one more day in my life, i got a “news”, i went for a walk with some music, with my life going deeper and deeper and i came a across to this.
I dont know if im depressed, all i know is that im empty and hopeless, i hope i dont last that much longer because i find no happiness or goals, in matter fact the news is about why some girl just gave up on me, some1 that ive met in the first day of the year, some1 who could bring some sort of light, she said to her friends that i was empty […]
How do you tell someone you love that you dont want to live anymore. That your not just saying it because your having a severe depression episode but that you just literally dont want to live anymore. That they should move on. And that you shouldn’t speak anymore cause it would be pretty fucked up for them to stick around until you killed yourself Plus you dont want them to hurt themselves , because of you. So what do you do… Nothing. Even though your biggest fear is never seeing them again. Lose the best thing to happen to you after life fucked […]
i am lost in this physicial world of existance and not even jesus can save me because i dont need spuritual ..I am worthless at least that’s what they have told me…living homeless on and off for twenty five yrs isn’t fun and am quite sick of it now… shattered both my legs in Oct 6th of 2000…left me a gimp..and no one is willing to help a poor homeless gimp out…I am a cowered I can’t even take my own life I am ashamed at who I’ve become lost my mom at the age of fifteen…brother abused me when I was ninenine,ten, and eleven…father and […]
Hey! Im a guy living in Finland, and asking, is there anyone here from Scandinavia or Finland who i could talk to?
Anyway…im ready to talk to just about anyone anywhere, if your interested.
I know a lot about suicide…both ethics and techniques. Ofcourse i dont want to give advice to anyone. Just talk…if anyone is interested.
If you want to talk, you can email me at Tomialatalo@inbox.com
Im freakn losing it… Again
My mind is shot.. I cant deal
I just dont want to live anymore
so i thought my roommate would be gone the whole weekend but she came back today. and she was on speakerphone with her mom in the other room. and i heard them talking about the rent so i started listening. and then they were talking about the dishes of my mine that she stuck in a garbage bag in front of my door.and her mom was telling her to be nice and to do them for me but my roommate kept telling her she was just going to throw them in the dumpster.then she was telling her mom how shed be really happy if she […]
i have to be in the rabb.it room please hmu on skype or something b4 trying to enter so i can get in there and let people in i would love to watch movies with people i just dont want to have to sit in the room and keep my finger crossed that someone joins me it does notify me in my email when someone tries to enter but by the time i check it its too late because i done missed whoever tried to get in whenever i get those notifications i do click the allow them in button but i always seem to […]
After reading several posts and bawling my eyes out and then registering for the sight i feel to tired to write the feelings i wanted to share in the first place. Im just so tired all the time and tired of being tired. I really want to start taking my meds but the streets are so busy on the way to the pharmacy. I get anxious just thinking about the trip. Why do i feel so much hate from people and why cant i go anywhere and know im safe and my belongings will be unmolested when i return. Instead i hide knowing i will […]
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