Hey SP, I am still alive and these are the reasons why I didn’t end my life.
The support and advice from people, and not people like friends and family, but you, the ones on SP, and for that, THANK YOU!!!
Belief in high power and I believe there is a reason for everything
And the fear of failing. Failing of ending my life because if I fail, then I will be judged by everyone who knows me.
I’m not going to get depression, death and evil in my life win this fight,
No matter how much sleep im always tired, i constantly feel very very sad, its visable on my face, i dont see the point of going to work, i hate waking, i hate sleeping it seems like thats all i ever do, food has very little appeal anymore, i feel invisble, i dont want to end my life but I dont want to feel like this anymore, i derserve to be happy i never did anything to anyone to have my life turn out like this, ending my life is a relaxing thought but then im overcome by the feeling of jealousy and envy, of […]
Here’s my suicide story
Last year was the most difficult and sad time of my entire life not only for me but for my family and friends. Having struggled for many months with severe depression and for many years with self injury, I decided to try and take my own life and overdosed on my antidepressants. I just wanted a relief from the pain I had to deal with on a day to day basis that consumed every aspect of my life. I had never felt so desperate in my entire life. 2015 would be the start of a series of suicide attempts and hospital admissions […]
Why do people say it’s selfish to end your own life?
What’s so selfish about ending your own suffering?
Why do people make your suicide mission about them?
Why is it always “You don’t want to be remembered like that, do you”?
Do you know the constant battle that’s going on inside my head?
Do you know that self harm is the only thing that makes me feel in control of my life?
Are you there every night when I cry myself to sleep?
Do you understand it’s a miracle I’m not already dead?
He did it this past Christmas. I found out about it about a month later. I reacted by being intensely jealous. It was his first attempt and he succeeded. I’ve made three attempts already and am still here.
Right now, I’m fine with that. I’m not particularly suicidal at this moment. But I believe that I’ll ultimately take my own life, whether it’s this year, next year or twenty years from now. I’m just so tired and life (my life, anyway) is meaningless. It makes me so sad that I have people who care about me who I will totally fuck up when I finally do […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Almost-Nothing.mp3
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I got inspired by those of you who posted yourselves playing music these past few days.
I’ve posted other things I’ve written before, but today I wondered what I could finish in exactly one hour.
So I started a new piece and set myself a time limit.
One hour, no more.
Because of the time constraint, I wasn’t able to include complex instrumentation. I settled on a simple piano piece.
I call it “Almost Nothing”, because it is short and simple.
Thirty-eight measures long, starting in A-minor and ending in C-major.
Started at 5:24 this afternoon, ended at 6:24.
It’s not my favorite thing I’ve ever written, but it was fun […]
things aren’t too bad. at least I think. im not sure about a lot of things anymore. its hard to believe or trust anyone anymore. a lot of people have left me and it hurts to watch everyone I love leave me and blame everything on me. I say sorry way too much and it annoys people but I cant help it. I always feel like everything is my fault and like I’ve done something wrong. I haven’t cut in I dont know how long but I still think of it every day. suicide is always on my mind and I cant stop it. I […]
11 hours left.
I ended up at my mothers. I hate this place. I fucking hate this place. But I have to act normal.
I took me test. It was a bunch of mathimatical questions, story questions, thing you would answer for a high school test. It was all timed. I passed. The pizza place hired me. I am suppose to start work this Fridad at 5:30. Go through my paper work process. And get fimiliar with the job. But it’s all pointless. It’s not like I plan on living past tonight anyways. But you know what I did it. I went there and did it anyways. […]
Ah yes, another junky clean. I honestly want to stay off of shit this time around; I have no interest in being dependent on chems or people. I make enough money, and function well enough to maintain an addiction for years, but the problem is I know I would end up just dropping dead. Well, drugs normally drive me out of control with depression, and on an almost cyclical clock I make an attempt at suicide. Playing with your brain chemistry like I do results in incredible unpredictable mood swings. That being said, honestly drugs always helped me control my anxiety and anger levels, but […]
The constant thought of ending my life is tearing me down. I wish to end it, but somehow I can’t.
The thought of suicide keeps coming back and slowly becomes stronger and stronger.
My friends and my family have abandoned me. I never bothered to look them up. Now I want to look them up, they don’t have time for me :'(
I don’t care anymore whether I live or die and now I am dealing with my survival instinct. I wonder when I will find the strength to finally end it all.
All the harassment cost me my friends and the people doing the harassing and stalking have […]
I have had mood swings and periods of depression sine I was 16. I am now 52 and until last year had never really thought about ending my life although I have often wished I just didn’t have to wake up.
I thought being married to my ex was bad but the last 5 years have had at least one piece of crap and trauma every year and although I have picked up the bits every time it has just worn me out.
Strangely it is the small things people do and say not the big things. Last year I decide the option of ending my life was […]
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
The one aspect that truly defeats me further when I’m already down is inability to connect and converse with people. It’s just not about having a basic conversation, it’s about fluid connection, something that comes very natural to so many people and yet I’m so terrible at it.
Sorry in advance for the following pessimistic outlook.
Even on this site I notice that people form friendships and root for each other, meanwhile I’m just ending up being a lurker feeling like I’m more fucked up than anyone else. I’m unable to add a proper comment, all I can do is write something very generic or explain something that I […]
But I don’t want to die? I’m so tired of feeling as depressed as I do. None of the drugs I’ve been prescribed have worked for me. Nothing makes me happy anymore. My friendships are ending one by one, and I can’t even seem to care about that anymore. I can’t…
I’m not sure why my 2 previous posts were deleted explaining my life story..
after days of endless sleep research and planning .. it is just a matter of time and when before I end it.if all goes well… I end peacefully I’m at a stage where I feel so numb and I just don’t care about anything or anyone. I don’t know how to explain this feeling of emptiness. I really don’t care for my existence anymore. On one hand I feel sorry for what I will put my parents and my brother through… But it’s not like they care much anyway .. […]
I haven’t posted in a while, but last time I did I was contemplating on ending my existence. At the time I did not have a reliable method and decided to delay the process. I recently bought an illegal handgun and plan on taking my life tonight with one of the most lethal methods possible. If I do survive then I know I’m going to be suffering severe injuries and may end up worse than I am now, but I’m willing to take that risk. Everybody knows that guns and suicidal individuals don’t mix very well, but it’s only a matter of time before I […]
I can’t stand being alive, I fucking hate it. I hate my family, I hate living in this house, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without the thought of ending my useless self. When I wake up I’m in pain and even if I was able to fall asleep I get zero rest. Nothing gives me any sense of release. Cutting, drinking, smoking all make me feel worse. I’m so fucking alone. My room feels like a prison but its my only safe place. Only reason I haven’t tried offing myself again is because I know my dad would probably kill himself […]
For the past couple of months I’ve been contemplating what my next move should be. “Should I try to fix my life, or should I say fuck it and end it?” I’m still not sure what the best choice is, they both have their pros and cons. I think I’ll attempt to fix it in the next coming months. I’ll try to get a GED and I’ll put all of my effort into it. If I manage to fail then I’m done. That’s it. I’m not giving myself more than one chance to fix everything. I’ve already wasted too much time being nothing. Even if […]
When the tides of life sweep you up like a tsunami no matter how good the ship is you either abandon it or drown but that is a joke because they are one in the same. I tried I really did but this year I am going to kill myself. I feel 5 years past due with the first attempt being at 15 now at 20 I am still plagued by all of my past grievances plus adult issues and I realize it’s a never ending shit show. When you go day by day making up excuses to live you just kinda start to wonder […]
Does anyone here know the feeling of being so calmed (with no reason) after being so so sad?
It is like being ok about all the shit. It kinda scares me (not really, but in a way) because I feel really capable of ending up everything but I do not want to hurt anyone, I do not want to make them sad.
I don’t know what to do. I’m numb.
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