have you ever had that experience where you feel like after loving someone for a long time you all of a sudden feel like you’ve been lying to yourself and doubt your feelings and you feel like talking about it to them but then you’re scared of losing something so great?
Tag:
Experiences
Since I last hurt myself. I’ve been forcing myself to try and stay strong and not do it again. I almost did yesterday, but I willed myself through it.
I had a spiritual experience the other day that… Well it scared me. What I saw. I am a Pagan who has fallen out of practice but am trying to pick myself up again through it. I’ve gone through these types of experiences before, but this one in particular really opened my eyes. At the local New Age shop, they have a cot in the back with a selenite grid underneath it with a bunch of […]
So i am in love. Â I must admit i never thought it will hit me so suddenly but i guess that it’s true when they say: ‘when you least expect it’
The sweetest person i have ever met. I am going to sound as a hopeless romantic but his kisses make me dizzy which is entirely true i can barely walk after he touches me. Â So when everything should fit in its place my awkward paranoia jumps out of nowhere. I have never been really close to somebody like this and i am constatly thinking about bad things. I have this idea that something bad […]
Its actually possible to coax yourself into cardiac arrest through careful meditation if you are trying to die.
You sit, with you eyes closed, and try to enduce what many people call an anxiety attack, or what i see as trying to remember where you were before you animated your body.
As a baby i can remember categorizing every experience i had, and knowing that whatever i was in-my body- was a highly advanced prison, designed to fool me into keep myself inside it.
I can remember taking account of and noticing my breathe, how many times i had inhaled and realizing that if i didn’t stop immediately […]
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]
staggered overdose is what im thinking . I know how painful it is with liver failure but im willing to endure the pain for the end result. Â I just cant bare it not looking like a accident something like a car crash or hanging would be too traumatic on my family .. I always thought pill overdoses were stupid and merely for attetion but now i feel like im left with no other option. suggestions experiences??
Anybody that has been with CAMHS (Children Adolescence Mental Health Service) comment and tell me what your experience was like with them; mine was okay but there were aspects of CAMHS which i wasn’t impressed with and some factors that led me to get progressively worse!
New to this, but have experiences I would like to share and would also like any advice from others.
I have large scars on my leg from top of my thigh to the knee, some very long and wide. On my left arm I have scars on both sides of my arm including my wrist. I have been in this situation for six years. I use to live in small towns where scars were more acceptable so I showed off my arm with ease and didn’t have any issues. I moved to a city a few years ago and have found peoples reactions more of an […]
I fucking hate my life. So I shit around, help other people with their lives in order to forget about my fucked up life… I know that won’t change anything, but I hate my life. I loathe it. I want to give up. I want to fucking give up everything. I can’t decide nor choose anything in my life. It’s all fucking manipulated by my parents even after highschool graduation. I hate living. I hate my family, I hate everything that is me. I just want to fucking kill myself. I a fucking useless shit infested with self-hatred. The judges won’t like me. I won’t […]
I just caved and wrote to the wrong person.
It had been a while, but i know that writing is at best futile, and at worst, potentially problem-causing.
But just the other day, i had a series of “seemingly connected experiences,” which resulted in… memories, thoughts, feelings i just couldn’t shake, and they wanted control… and i lost that battle. Maybe i forfeited. Maybe i hate my vulnerability so much that i lash out at any little thing that might expose or exploit it. When something is going to hit you where it hurts, the only “right way” to react, is to “go all in,” and either […]
I’m 14 . In 2009 , in 5th grade my Dad passed away. At the time he passed I was being bullied in school. Everyday was a living hell. I didn’t fear the people there, but I was just afraid of what new they had to say about me . When i came home and my mom told me my Dad died it was devastating, i thought of suicide and tried. No one new. I know that one thing that killed me inside was that no one was there for me when my dad passed , no one was there when i was being bullied […]
I’m gonna have coffee and cake now to put a smile on my face. Then a good walk will keep me happy for today. Another day to stay heere. Then will start process again tomorrow, with different activities to keep me happy. I’ll stay alive for longer that way. And when I get old it’ll be the same, till I find myself too frail to go on. Then I’m gonna end it. I’ve decided that’ss how I’ll know that suicide is my only and last option left, so I won’t kill myself before I get the chance to live for some experiences I might miss […]
Today was nothing special, the usual boring, stressful mess at work. However, it’s still the day that finally broke me down, though I’m not sure why. For roughly three years now, not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about death, but getting home today, I knew I couldn’t stand one more day of hating what I saw in the mirror.
I’m just drained mentally, and numb emotionally. I don’t live for myself, but exist from day to pointless day. Each day is just dull maintenance of my basic needs. I find no pleasure in life, nor is there anything I want out of it: […]
I will spare you my sob story. Here’s what you need to know. I am 23, married and a stay at home mom to a 4 year old little girl. I have been depressed since I was a child. I have times where I am okay but I always end up feeling depressed more often than not. I first considered suicide around 13 years old but never really had intentions or means to do so. In my family mental disorders are not considered medical and I would be told to just get over it.
Now, present day I am more depressed than ever. I think […]
I am new here. I attempted suicide about 3 weeks ago, twice in less than 24 hours. The first time I was found by my siblings who got into my house and the second time, I was found by the police. I ended up in the hospital unconscious for two days and spent a further day in a ward with old people, who were bed ridden. I was under constant observation, not even able to go to the toilet unattended. As a psychology student, it was one of the most degrading and humiliating experiences of my life. I felt so ashamed facing my family after […]
Drugs. That’s what caused all this. There is lump in my throat telling me i dont think anyone will truly understand the absolute s**t it does to you, but who knows. So here is my story..
*Note* I am deeply ashamed of this, and i try to forget about it as much as i can. (i have not re-read this because it was hard enough writing it, im sorry about any spelling mistakes)
Grade nine was my first year of school ever (i was home schooled) so walking in the doors of that high school healed a lot more then desks and teachers, it healed experiences. I didnt know where […]
I suffer from PTSD, OCD, and bipolar II. I’m also a FtM transgender person. My father died in 2009; I was only 20 and was his next of kin and had to to everything relate to the burial.
It took a toll on me. I didn’t even tell my doctor until 2010, when he put me on antidepressants.
The medication works, for the most part. But sometimes, my depression creeps back up again. It did that two years ago. I had pills stashed, I was ready to do it…
But then an anonymous person commented on a blog post of mine. It was just the first public post […]
This was originally a much longer post.
Until I saw other people getting responses whilst you cunts ignored ME.
Thanks for proving me right. There’s no one who gives a fucking shit about me here, either.
Fucking cunts.
While one day falls into another, I only hope that this is a dream.
I’m too old for these feelings. I’m in university, doing an incredibly difficult course which I spent my whole schooling trying to get into. I chose this. I am crippled by social anxiety, so I chose to live alone. I am simultaneously envious of people who can be themselves, surrounded by friends. I chose to be like this, every decision pushing me further inside my head. I am painfully crammed inside my own skull.
Surely I’ll wake up, a happy, normal, real version of myself. Surely I’ll be able to think beyond myself.
I […]
to be honest i’m not really sure what i’m doing on this site but i’m ust gonna go with it. I’m not trying to sway anyone into my thinking or anything this is just my own experiences and opinions. So I’ve read a few posts and stuff and it’s kind of strange but i feel like i can relate. People are saying stuff like “oh you won’t do it” and stuff like that but ppl will, they always do and that’s what’s wrong with this site. you shouldn’t test ppl. I’m just hoping to get some advice on how to kill this shit before myself. […]
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