Kind of hit me like rock, not sure what I expected. And now the swirling depression just sinks in. I was planning to move out anyway end of the month and when I brought it up to bf he basically told me to get the f* out and that I am supposed to be sleeping on the couch and that we are definitely over. I already paid my half of the rent for the 2bedroom apt we share for the end of the month. It seems a little surreal. I honestly thought I was just going to move out and we would eventually break up since […]
Tag:
feel
I wonder how suicide project would look if it was a real place like a lil town or room would it be a fun place were we don’t have to wear masks everyday and just be who we are handing out razors to people who self harm walk around with our scars out without question ? A place were we get our medication at noon lol or would it be like we in a mental asylum with no guards ? Or would it be a place were we can find a suicide partner Laugh talk about all our problem for hours then  at midnight blow […]
I once said in one of my earlier posts that I ‘longed for the feeling of not feeling at all’
Unknown to the fact how unbearable it is. I feel so numb. I don’t feel happy nor sad. I don’t get excited, nothing motivates me any more. I haven’t loved anything in a while: music, people, family, enjoyment.
It’s so shit.
This website is comforting. When I come here I feel like I can say my most painful thoughts and nobody judges. Maybe nobody even cares, which is fine as well. I just like someone to read my words without any judgement.
I don’t even know if this website is healthy for me to come to. But when I feel like I’m about to explode, I come here and feel a little bit more calm.
Let me tell you something. I have no idea how to be good at life. No idea what so ever. I applaud people that are good at it.
Physically trapped, I mean. In many ways I still feel trapped, but I digress.
I took time out of work for my urethritis pain. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told my higher up everything, from chlamydia back in the start of 2014, to now just having this pain. She was very understanding, and suggested I go to Doctors Express. I did.
From there, I again told this doctor everything, but perhaps unsurprisingly she wasnt being all that helpful. Id pee in a cup again, I’d hear Im all clear, I know the drill. I began feeling frusterated, disparaging my eurologists office, and how it’s so […]
Hi, I used to post here as Second_Winter before I got locked out for incorrect password stuff. I constantly read this site and relate to so many of you. I don’t post often, mostly out of apathy from my own situation and because I was locked out for so long.
My situation has gotten dire. I am in so much debt that I feel like I’m drowning. I recently returned from working a nonprofit job with students in another state and it was great, but my contract ended and now I’m back home. All of the reminders of my past are here, so much that I […]
I’m crashing…
I knew this would happen. The whole week I’ve been too busy, my mind too preoccupied with school work to dwell on the pain. Now, it’s the weekend and I have all the time in the world to feel the pain. I feel like the walls are caving in on me. I hate this feeling. I thought I was starting to get over it, but I’m far from being cured from this. This is who I am. An empty shell. An empty void. I’m just empty. Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. There is no need for pretense when I’m alone. There is no need […]
I don’t really know have much of a direction for this post in my head, no horrid incident or crazy profound thoughts, just stuff that runs through my head.
Do you ever wake up and you feel so empty? Not even like sad or upset over anything in particular. You just feel like nothing at all, you just feel so tried that you don’t even know how you’re standing. That’s how I’ve been waking up a lot lately.
I feel like everyone has something they’re good at, something they’re smart about or something they have a passion for. I don’t enjoy anything, I don’t have a talent […]
has anyone on here got borderline personality disorder ?
And dose depersonalisation come under that ?
I think that’s what I might have like I don’t feel attached to my body my surroundings or people like for instance I love my mum but don’t feel a connected feel alienated and alone
I’ll be honest i don’t like being on this site. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t you guys its just i rather not feel the need to post. I’m sure that you all can relate. No one wants to live in depression. That said I come back because I have these moments of pure depression. I try to tell myself in these moments i should accept that I feel this way and stop beating myself up for being beaten by life. I work all but 1 day in a culture full of depression triggers. This feeling is as natural as getting sick from a peanut […]
what a day. Humiliated at work and made to feel like a child, hours later I was basically told by the boss to find another job, then about an hour ago somebody nearly ran me over because they reversed without checking behind them and then decided to blame me for it. Definitely feel like I could drink myself into suicide tonight.
It’s morning this side and I’m on my way to the hospital. I haven’t been on here for a while now. I missed you guys.
Anyway, thought I’d share something that happened to me last Saturday.
My parents organized for our church members to come to my house and pray for me. My entire family knows about my condition now and they are very supportive. Anyway, so these guys were praying. In that moment, I had flashes of my brother and the people who killed them who were also proclaimed christians. I guess this fucked up my head a little and I had a panic attack. Church […]
I tried to overdose on Unisom sleeping medication last night. I have the side effects of an overdose. I don’t know what to do because I have dizziness and it said the following day I would still feel weird. I don’t want my dad to found out or go to the hospital. I am at school and I can’t concentrate. I hope they wear off by tonight or early next morning due to I have a band competion and need to be normal for it.
When you get annoyed and inpatient at everything and your head starts to get all jumbled up and you just feel like burning everything and beating something. And you kinda feel like your going crazy.
In all honesty, I don’t think I’m getting any better. Maybe for a day, or for just a couple of hours I actually feel something other than this depression consuming my soul. I feel content. I notice more things, like the way my boyfriends lips curve into this smirk of a smile, or the way the wind blows at night, and all the living creatures are sleeping, but you can feel the vibrations of the earth. These are the moments when I think that living might not be such a bad thing. But it never lasts. My worst enemy is myself, my own insecurities, my […]
I feel such a burden for the things going on in the world, in the US, in my community, in my family, in my church, in my own mind. I no longer feel capable of carrying it. It’s ripping me inside out. I can’t take the pressure or the pain. It’s all around me and inside of me. I can’t ignore it, but I can’t bear it either. This dread is eroding my spirit.
Well.. I dumped my boyfriend. He was a scumbag. Had no respect for me whats so ever. Fuck that guy.
I thought I would be even more depressed from it.
But honestly, I feel 1000 times better.
I feel like that stupid dark cloud has finally fucked off for awhile atleast.
If I knew all I had to do was get rid of him to feel happier, I would have done it a long time ago.
Thankyou asshole ex-boyfriend for teaching me what I never want in my life again. 🙂 YOU.
I’M ME AGAIN
I’m astounded I never heard of suicide project before, seeing as I’ve fantasized about, planned and studied suicide for many many years. Whenever I dare to get close enough with someone that I might actually feel happy, they sense my deep depression and ask the inevitable – are you suicidal? That doesn’t satisfy them, no. They have to go further. How often do you think of suicide? That’s when they flee.
The bonds I need in order to cease feeling suicidal are not available to me until I’m no longer suicidal.
And around and around we go.
ok before anyone thinks I’m trying to off myself again, I mean let myself not get stuff done.
I have exams in 3 days and have done quite literally nothing to even begin preparing for them. I need to study and get organized in order to be get the grades I need. I didn’t do anything yesterday after I tried to kill myself but it didn’t work (I’m physically fine just a little inconvenienced) and I didn’t do anything after classes today either. Thinking about how much I need to do and how I have done nothing is reinforcing all the reasons I want to off […]
Dad died when i was 47 days old. it was a car accident and the person on the other car died as well. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I wish Mom was the one in that car. I know for sure that I would be happier. Is that wrong? that i sort-of wish mom would die? I know it sounds horrible… but what can I do? I’m a monster. I can’t feel a damn thing. I saw how one of my best friends was crying her eyes out today because her grandma died and i … I couldn’t feel anything. Not a single thing. […]