I have done everything i wanted to do.
I got a decent job.
Some materialistic desires.
The guy.
Money.
And repect?
Its not enough. I dont feel anything. In fact i feel worse.
Instead of climbing out of the hole im just making it deeper.
Tag:
feel
My mood is seemingly leveling out after I cleared things up with a close one, and also simplified my life. I kinda closed the part of my life that concerned less than legal practices which did me wonders. I felt this impending sense of doom, like my life as I know and understand it could come to close. While a structured day with free meals and anal rape sounded lovely, what would I ever do without the internet? I still suffer from hyperhydrosis of the under-arms on a daily basis, which brings me enough tension to push me to the brink of suicide or total […]
Don’t you ever feel numb all over, for no apparent reason? Welcome to the feeling of depression..
I honestly don’t know what to start with, so let me just say this:
Most of myself (my dark, depressing and suicidal self) actually wants me to kill myself, but I don’t think I have the guts to even do it. But I always think about what will happen, and how I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.
But the (I hate using this word) normal side of me thinks about who it would hurt, and then I’d feel guilty and would want to seek help. But most of […]
I’m finally going to go see a psychologist.
I set up a meeting for next week.
I don’t know why I am doing this. If most of y’all have followed some of my posts, I stated my decision to end it all in a month.
I guess I just want to hear the problems directly. You know, self diagnosing? I say, before I die, I want to hear it formally. A real diagnosis.
How can I really die if I’ve never heard a professional confirm it?
But hearing it all is, ultimately, not what I want either.
Its just another reason to point out and […]
I keep dreaming about the child I lost and about his father that mistreated me every night. I can’t sleep (because even thou I am asleep, I can’t rest), I wake up with tears in my eyes. I feel tired and emotionally exhausted, and being awake makes me feel miserable so I try to sleep as much as I can. I really feel like giving up and I wish I could close my eyes and not wake up.
Some new poetry. Can’t think of a title. Feel free to make a suggestion.
Cut out the pain,
Cutting up the vein,
Literally metaphorical,
It’s all the same.
No point to life,
No will to die,
Pick out your poison,
Load the gun,
Sharpen your knife.
Obsessively depressive,
Oppressive consumption,
Elusive delusions,
Illustrate confusion.
Step out of insanity,
Stepping through reality,
Understandably indecipherable,
Becoming of a calamity.
It’s a tragedy, really,
How I spent so much time
On you.
You used to make me feel invincible,
Like the world was mine.
But now I’m alone,
With you running through my mind.
It hurts to know that you’ve moved on
While I’m stuck here
Surrounded by my destruction.
The thought of you still keeps me awake.
You’re gone but you’re everywhere;
And you’re not coming back.
It’s time to move on.
I have given up.
Two times in my life I have almost ended everything. After the first time I never got the help I really needed, and just went on assuming things would get better on their own. Two years later I found myself in the same spot, and this time I was serious. I went to do it, and a phone call from a friend turned into me telling them what I was about to do. They immediately came and got me, and I lived to see another day. I’ll spare you the details of my attempts, but my point is not where I was, but where I […]
This is my second post. I still feel depressed. I lost my baby and can’t seem to get over it. My dad tells me I’m fat everyday and says I should go to the gym but I don’t really want my bump to go away…at least not yet. I even miss the asshole of the father of my baby even thou he mistreated me and is happy as it could be. I can’t trust anyone. I feel alone. My family is not supportive. I wish to be gone.
Happy Leap Day
Well, today is an oddball for sure. I think there’s even a leap second or something to go with the leap day, but I’m not 100% sure about that.
Anyway, speaking of leaping things, I wish I could leap. Over this fucking wall of depression. I’m sure many feel similar.
Fuck.
There is nothing worse that not knowing how you feel; than having inexplicable feelings. It really is the worst feeling in the world. Not being able to express how you feel or what you want is the most disgusting and awful feeling you could ever possess.
Why does it happen? How is it even possible?
“You must know how you feel, you’re the one feeling it”
No. Because if I knew I wouldn’t dread every single day. If I knew I wouldn’t be numb and confused all the time over nothing. I don’t know how I feel about anything, and I don’t think I ever […]
When I try to get my head around the idea of ending my life, I can’t imagine going through with it. Letting go of all the possibilities of existence. Everything suddenly starts to seem precious. Every moment, every minor positive experience, becomes meaningful. How could I leave a world with such beauty in it? A world containing fluffy clouds on summer days, rolling hills, and a sky full of stars. A world full of music. How could I not hang on for as long as possible, just for the chance of another moment like that?
The problem is maintaining that feeling while interacting with society. You […]
Idk what it is but I’m depressed again like I was last year, only this time I think it’s worse. I do pretty well all other months but right after that second week of february hits so do the feelings. I feel such sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and confusion and it literally sucks the life from me.
Not a single person knows this about me but I need sex to keep me sane otherwise my whole world crumbles. I’m not an addict I don’t have sex with anyone nor do I necessarily do it all the time. I’ve only been with 2 people one I was dating […]
Hi,
My name is Zyia Tenaglia, I’m 14.For the past 3 years I have been struggling . Nothing is the same anymore , I’m not wanted, people make that very clear. My mom basically told me I’m just her unpaid babysitter . I lived a happy life with my grandmom , I lived with her almost all my life , until the judge made me and my older sister go to live with my mom. Huge mistake , he thought that if he let us go live with her she would change . She never did , she got worse . Everyday I am verbally abused. Words […]
I was hanging in the bathroom by my neck 20 min ago and my legs went numb. I wasnt strong enough, so I let my self down. I’m a 23 year old women and I’m in college. I am very alone. I don’t like to express myself emotionally because I tried it before but no one understood me. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anyone out there who feels like no one in the world understands you- who feels alone. I don’t know where to go or where to turn. I feel suffocate- stuck in a corner- always pretending everything is alright. But I’m tired and […]
Im really fat, i dont feel good the way i am, i wan to be skinny, i wanna have thigh gaps, so i started to vomit after every meal and my parents caught me, and now they dont let me go to bathroom by myself and they are checking on me all the time, they’re making me eat lots of food and im getting fatter that what i already am, im going crazy i really dotn know what to do about this situation, im going crazy, i feel frustratded. I need some HELP ME PLEASE IF YOU KNOW WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS?
as i lay in my bed on this beautiful saturday morning, i couldn’t help but think.
i just do not want to be here anymore.
i had not one reason to leave my cocoon this morning. the only reason i got up out of bed, at 1 in the afternoon, was to use the washroom.
i wish i could talk about this, these feelings, with someone in real life without getting into trouble. i just do not want to be here anymore. i do not want to be in a hospital, but i do not want to be me, alone, in this apartment, anymore.
it’s just become way too […]
This song is about suicide..It helps me forget about my life and just feel anger about everythin and everyone!
its weird how a few cuts to the wrist can take away so much pain from inside can distract my mind from eating me alive for them few moments everything is ok I’m in control I feel alive its proberly the only time I actually feel comfortable with myself until I stop all my problems seem to go away but the demons will be back soon And il get lost in my thoughts once again
I survived, thrived even, over the past three years by just one thing. Feel nothing. I promise, it works.